To think we shouldn't be treated like mealtime maids

Op also has children. When is her break?

I don't blame the parents for needing a break, but if you wanted a relaxing holiday, going with a party that included that child was probably not the best decision.

Yep. Lots of people seem to forget OP has 2 children

Yes, quite. In fact, if each adult took a turn to do meal time duty for one day, they would all be able to have at least 7 days worth of uninterrupted meals so that everyone can have a break!

But apparently, its only the OP who is required to be kind and supportive, noone else 🙄

and why was this not discussed up front before the holiday?

He clearly isn't coping in these environments

without his parents.

and needs support.

from his parents.

Order a Deliveroo and eat in.

Why do so many people on Mumsnet go on holiday with people they clearly don't like?

Pull tables together, or go somewhere that's more suitable for your nephew. He clearly isn't coping in these environments and needs support.

I stopped going on weekends / holidays / even staying with the ILs when I realised no other adults except my husband and I were pulling their weights. Literally everything was down to us, to the extent we ended up catering an entire weekend of golden wedding celebrations despite me expressly stating they needed caterers. Did they hire them?!
Did they fuck and predictably we spent all weekend in the kitchen

Back away now. Set your boundaries and stick to them.

There's nothing remotely relaxing about it if you have children with additional needs....

Holidaying with two young children isn’t always terribly relaxing either. I would imagine it’s even harder for the OP in that situation with one more thrown into the mix!

I’m just playing devil’s advocate that maybe they are totally burnt out and in need of a little time

This may well be true and I agree that families help each other but in that case why arent they ALL helping out then?

Why is it only the OP who has to do it every single time? There are apparently a total of 8 adults present and yet its only the OP who has to supervise them every meal time......

It's always a woman who has to do it isnt it? funny that.

Remember, enjoy your "relaxing " summer holidays 😎 😬

There's nothing remotely relaxing about it if you have children with additional needs....

If their child has additional needs then he needs to be supervised by a parent through the meal. How mean to leave him alone on the other table, and how entitled to palm him off on the other available mother. They need to manage their holiday so that their child is having a good time but is also supported. It's called parenting.

All children have needs. As a parent, your child is your responsibility. Op's nephew is not her responsibility, especially when said nephew's parents are deliberately sitting apart and eating, instead of caring for him

Exactly this. My two are NT but they were absolutely exhausting/hyperactive when they were young and meal times were quite stressful. I wouldnt have been able to supervise another child as well. Obv if the parents had expressed their exhaustion to me I may have compromised to help them out but its my holiday too and I dont see why that means I am not worthy to enjoy it or be allowed to relax at all.

Besides, when a child has ADHD unless you know them very very well, you are unlikely to know their triggers, what calms them, what soothes them, their typical routines etc so its going to be harder to know how to approach certain behaviours or assist them in a helpful supportive way.

No problem with parents needing a break but you dont just leave your child alone at a table and just assume a random family member will simply take over FFS.

Why don't you just agree to take turns? This really doesn't sound like something to fall out over. The kids want to sit together, they're probably exhausted with a disruptive ADHD 7yo, switch over and you all get a break. Or one of you sits with the kids and the other with the adults. There's what 8 adults and 3 kids? Help each other out a bit!

Not sure if anyone has suggested this but can't you sit at your own table of 4 without IL's or brother and his wife and kids sometimes? If you are on holiday as a family, it doesn't have to be the same each mealtime and I would like to have time with my DH and two DC alone too.

So there are four of you on holiday with seven other family members. That would represent a seventh circle of hell for me. So many people, ime, have unrealistic expectations of these sorts of happy families arrangements.

For the sake of harmony over the next several years I think you have to suck it up as part of a poor decision.

Never, ever do it again.

Just don't socialise with your in laws.

Don't go on holiday with them again. All adults should pull together.

I wouldn’t be happy even if someone did pay. Annual leave is previous after all. Plus being at home with 2 children sounds easier than caring for 3 children, especially if they are quite high energy and demanding

Nephew wants to sit with your DC at your table. You get up and say "Here you are BiL and SiL, you have our seats with the DC so you can supervise nephew" they will either agree without complaint or say "that's OK, he's fine" to which you will need to reply "I think nephew is better with you to help and supervise him. Do you want our two to sit with us?"

Whether he has that diagnosis or not then he still sounds annoying. Plus OP has to parent her own children and it’s her holiday as well. There was a similar thread last summer with a nephew spoiling a wider family holiday with his behaviour, he had no diagnoses but was going to assesses shortly. The consensus of opinion was she should do her own thing and avoid him if she wished. Why should a family member be allowed to ruin the holiday of a lifetime?

Maybe they need to have a conversation with everyone rather than just abandoning their responsibilities to others then?

maybe they need a rest as are at breaking point.

Maybe the OP needs a rest on holiday as well! Thing is, you don’t get a rest as parents, you do have the option to ask for some help though-which they haven’t done.

They could take it in turns to sit with their child, whilst the other one has a rest, but as they aren’t using any form of communication here and are just nagging off and presuming OP is up for offering them respite all holiday, then it’s going to really piss people off.

In my family, all the adults who don't spend their lives caring for the child with additional needs (or any children, actually)

I hope nobody would do this without checking the other adults are ok with it though. In the case of the OP, no discussion has been had and the BIL/SIL are just assuming it’s their chance to have a break and that OP/DH want to spend their holiday looking after three kids instead of their usual 2!

I wouldn’t be going on holiday with them in future. I presume this is the first time this has happened?

All children have needs. As a parent, your child is your responsibility. Op's nephew is not her responsibility, especially when said nephew's parents are deliberately sitting apart and eating, instead of caring for him.