To think we shouldn't be treated like mealtime maids

No help sorry but sympathise. For years I was treated as the family babysitter at events with in-laws. I was always sat in a dark corner colouring or playing uno while SIL amd DHs family having a whale of a time getting drunk nearby. (DH did help me)
Things came to a head when it was expected to cancel my 40th birthday holiday plans for a family wedding but as it was child free I was expected to not attend it and instead look after all the kids. We said no, went on our holiday and they barely speak to us now.

Every single thread that starts ‘we’re on a family holiday’ is BU. Expect to suck stuff up for people that you actually like, or if you can’t or don’t like them, then you are unreasonable for agreeing to a family holiday in the first place.

Actually I'm not - I'm the person who steps in when I see people are overwhelmed and don't expect anything from anyone. But feel free to just come up with random assumptions regardless 🍪

You're one of the people who leave their kids with the childless adult in the family, aren't you? Or leave your kid with another person's kid and expect that person to watch yours too?
Got news for you- it isn't okay and means you suck as a person.

YANBU for not wanting to be treated like mealtime maids. The parents of the challenging child should have brought their nanny/maid on holiday with them if they didn’t want to look after the child themselves. They should not expect you to do it.

If the child is disruptive and “bugging” as you describe him, they could leave him at home with the nanny in an environment he finds more comfortable.

Perhaps you could have included that information earlier instead of 4 pages later.
And it's pretty shit to use the term woke SEN brigade.

Well, given that it's her choice to allow her husband to treat her like that and given that she allowed her BIL and SIL to treat her like that... then why is one ok and not the other?

I don't think either is ok, but if it's ok because op allows it, then surely it's ok because op allows it?

Agree.

The child has a pair of very shitty parents.

people were merely suggesting they might be at breaking point and unable to ask for support

Why is this only the OP's responsibility though? what about the 7 other adults on the trip?

You’ve had posters reply that understand or have experience of SEN children. I can’t say any of the replies have jumped out as being “woke” , more just offering an opinion that more understanding of the other parents situation wouldn’t go a miss.
You seem extremely able to verbalise your issues on here yet not face to face with the rest of your holiday comrades, people were merely suggesting they might be at breaking point and unable to ask for support.
you know them and their situation. We only know what you posted.
Your original post showed zero understanding or compassion of your nephew or his parents situation and this latest post is frankly disgusting.
As a mum of an adopted child who is autistic and has ADHD and at breaking point I’d just like to say our world is made 10 times worse than the often living hell it is because of ignorant people like you and comments like that. It’s no wonder we never ask for help because you never know the person you’re asking and whether you’ll get a response like that.
take a long hard look at yourself before criticising other people’s parenting because if this is what you’re demonstrating to your children heaven help the world we live in.

When we went on holiday with family when I was a child, there was a children's table and an adults' table. The children were expected to sit nicely and show good manners, otherwise they were pulled from the children's table by their parents and had to sit behind them at the adults' table and didn't get ice cream. There was usually a stack of colouring or a pile of sticker books on the children's table, or a game like tiddly- winks brought along by one of the families.

Well yes, it is OK. If she allows her DH to behave like that, it is entirely her shout. It's her husband, her kids and her life. Not saying it's right, but it's her choice or problem (however you want to view it). That doesn't mean to say that everyone else can treat her the same way does it. If her DH shouted at her, does that give the BIL the right to also do so?

Your kid is your responsibility regardless of needs.
you may need a break but it doesn’t entitle you to assume that you can offload parenting

No idea why people go on these mega group holidays. Recipe for disastrous family relationships.

Some women are very good at volunteering other women for Wife Work.

It's strange how they never suggest that a man might do it.

Hope you stick to your guns, OP, and go out to sample some good local fare this evening. Women are not maids.

On a related point they're DH's family - time he stepped up and told them this.

I feel sorry for all these childless relatives who are evidently expected to 'step up' and sacrifice their own much-needed holiday in the name of supporting family members with kids! I wouldn't mind helping out a bit here and there, but life's not a breeze for most people, even without children, and the point of the holiday is to relax, not change one job for another.

I wouldn't be happy to be given sole responsibility for a child whose behaviour is challenging at mealtimes, repeatedly, without so much as word—all while the rest of the adults enjoyed themselves at another table!

Agree, OP has had many people on this thread telling her essentially that her inlaws need a break from parenting and she should give up her own holiday to do it for them. Um, no. Not how life works. I don't blame her for defending herself here by laying out what their 'parenting' actually is when they're not on holiday.

OP's been on the receiving end of many condescending and shitty comments, too, from people telling her she owes the parents of ND kids a break.

In that case, it almost makes it easier to point out that you are not their staff!

Have you spent much time with them before? Could you have guessed the holiday would end up like this? I think I’d have not gone if so!

Well you lost me at "Woke SEN Brigade."

That's a shitty comment. For various reasons.

Aaah. So these people barely do any parenting. This puts an even worse spin on it.

As pertinent as your comments are, their bloody parents should still be taking care of their kids, especially if one has issues.

They have some nerve. Tring to treat you like unpaid childcare and not even asking!

Are you coming back @LoveBlueCheese ?