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AIBU?

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To think I did nothing wrong here?

59 replies

CatchTheRays1 · 29/07/2024 12:40

I have posted on the same topic before anyone jumps in...
In my old job I had a rough time. Other colleagues were being very unpleasant towards me. One colleague though, really stuck by me and was very supportive. When I left, I felt we would stay in touch.
She was acting fairly strange in the lead up to me going however. For example, one morning I greeted her at the door and she was fine. I was then chatting to other colleagues and she sort of moved away from us all and seemed really down and a bit off with me. I messaged her saying she could come to my home for a visit after I had left the job. She did but there was a mix up and unfortunately I was not at home. I told her to come back later that day but she said she couldn't. We kind of lost contact then until I bumped into her in town and said again that she should come for a visit but she didn't seem that keen.
Again, Didn't hear from her for a while until she texted me asking if I would like some books that a friend of hers was giving away. I didn't but enquired after her wellbeing. She has some chronic health issues and said she was struggling and not able to work much at the moment. I said I would keep her in prayer. That was a few months ago and I haven't initiated contact since. A friend through my church asked how she was ( I have spoken about her with them previously ) and I admitted that I didn't actually know and she said 'Don't you think as a good friend and Christian that you should have seen how she is?' Yet I feel like the friendship has run it's course and not everyone is meant to stay in your life.
I do have new colleagues who have turned into friends now but does this really make me so awful ?

OP posts:
CatchTheRays1 · 29/07/2024 13:01

The lady at church just made me feel like I had used this colleague for my own gains.

OP posts:
CatchTheRays1 · 29/07/2024 13:00

My house is near the workplace so it made sense for her to come to me.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 29/07/2024 13:00

The friendship has run it's course, dint give it anymore head space.

HowToSaveAWife · 29/07/2024 12:56

'Don't you think as a good friend and Christian that you should have seen how she is?'

No, checking in on someone just to stay good with your god isn't being a good Christian. It's a self serving act.

Stay in touch if you want, or don't. It's not that deep.

Sparklfairy · 29/07/2024 12:52

It's probably the way you've worded it but it doesn't seem like you were giving much to the friendship? Why was she doing all the running to visit you? Did you not touch base with a text now and then and ask her about her health issues?

Just my take (only from the info in your OP) but it reads a bit like she was really supportive of you at work and was sad about you leaving. Then you've left, invited her over but you weren't there, and then didn't make much effort after that. She has her own problems but it doesn't sound like you've taken much interest in those.

If I'm completely off base I'm sorry!

FionnulaTheCooler · 29/07/2024 12:48

I would have been annoyed at you about the being invited over and you not being there, if she has chronic health issues it might have taken her a lot of effort to get ready for coming over just to be let down. Maybe the friendship has run its course in general though.

opalescented · 29/07/2024 12:46

A friend through my church asked how she was ( I have spoken about her with them previously ) and I admitted that I didn't actually know and she said 'Don't you think as a good friend and Christian that you should have seen how she is? I hate loaded questions like that I'd lose that friend

Lmnop22 · 29/07/2024 12:44

You can’t stay in touch with everyone you’re ever friendly with in life and, it’s a shame, but friendships fizzle out sometimes.

Its also not all on you to keep in touch and she hasn’t kept in touch either.

If you want to continue the friendship, reach out again and said “x mentioned you at church and I wanted to reach out and see how you were” or something. If you don’t really want to continue the friendship, then don’t. There’s no shame in that either.

MrsSucculent · 29/07/2024 12:43

Christians are some of the most judgey people I know.

The friendship has run its course and that’s fine. I would probably drop a message saying
I’m sorry we have lost touch but I’ll always be here if you need a friend. Etc

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