To think I did nothing wrong here?

Why did you post, OP? You think your behaviour is fine and don't care if others think you were unreasonable.

No-one’s saying you’re a bad person. Many of us are saying that this woman was a better friend to you than you have been to her. As a PP said - you have time to post about her on MN because someone has injured your view of yourself, in which case you definitely have time to reach out to her.

Why can’t you approach this situation with some humility and self-reflection? Why can’t you accept that you are not perfect and that you have somewhat let this lady down? It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad Christian. It just makes you human.

Are you deliberately missing the point OP? In your OP you said;

"One colleague though, really stuck by me and was very supportive".

No one is suggesting you owe this woman a friendship, of course not. What people are saying is that she stuck by you when others were being unpleasant and giving you a rough time. You have shown her little consideration in return, not even bothering to check up to see how she was doing when ill. Saying you will keep someone in your prayers is just words, of no benefit whatsoever, in the moment, to the recipient. It might make you feel good about yourself, yes you can tell yourself you are a good Christian, but it is utterly meaningless when set against the actual actions of this person in supporting you at work.

You're still not getting it OP.

You've got time to start a mumsnet thread about her and keep it updated/ make excuses. You've got time to message her. But you obviously don't want to.

This doesn't really sound like a close friendship but something that could have been a friendship in different circumstances. It might not sound nice but compatibility circumstance wise is very important for forming friendships, it's not just a case of how nice and deserving the other person is.

Just as a PS (too late to edit my previous post): as for the poster who suggested that the secular approach to this friendship would be to let it die because it doesn’t serve you - that is utter bollocks. People are perfectly capable of behaving kindly and well without professing to be of any religious persuasion. Equally there are people who profess to be Christian who seem incapable of practising any of Jesus’s teachings about love, forgiveness and non-judgment.

@CatchTheRays1 - to be quite clear: I lost a friendship because I wasn’t there for a friend who was facing a serious illness. I let other things get in the way. When I reached out, it was too little and too late - rather like you saying you’ll include her in your prayers. What I offered was not enough. What you’re offering is not enough. But it may be all you can manage now. That’s okay - you’re human; it doesn’t make you a bad person. You just need to admit it to yourself and take the lesson.

You wanted her as a friend when it suited you (ie. when others at work weren't beibg nice to you) and then made little to no effort when you moved on.

What even possessed you to talk about her behind her back to people at church who don't know her? However having done so don't be surprised that they are surprised when you dropped her when you had no more use of her. The lady at church was no doubt shocked that you pretty much ghosted someone who offered support to you at a time you needed it at a time they needed support back

up to you
you could offer to meet on neutral ground?

@CatchTheRays1 - prayer might be important and meaningful to you but you must recognise that it takes very little effort indeed to say a few words about this lady in your prayers. You haven’t even been back in touch to see how she is. How meaningful can your prayers be in those circumstances? You don’t know whether her condition is better or worse. Why do you think she would reach out to you when you’ve shown no interest? Now someone at your church has said she doesn’t think you’ve done enough; this appears to have injured your view of yourself as a Christian - your “Christian ego” so to speak - and you seem to want people to tell you that you’ve done enough by this woman and all is well.

None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. We all do wrong things. We all let people down. I certainly have. I’ve done wrong things and let people down. I can and do admit that.

Where’s your humility, OP? Your description of what’s gone on shows that this lady has been a better friend to you than you’ve been to her. That’s actually okay - she may have had more resources on which to draw. She may, for whatever reasons, have been better able to supply that friendship in the moment than you were. But I’m struggling to understand why you can’t just admit that to yourself. Why do you have to be so defensive about it? It doesn’t make you a bad Christian. It just makes you human. Surely you don’t think you’re perfect? Surely the Christian thing to do here would be to acknowledge that you haven’t done enough and work out whether you have the resources now to reach out to this lady or - when you do feel better able - to pay it forward to someone else?

Miscommunications can easily happen, so don’t beat yourself up (communication is a two-way street, and the way you’ve described it, I’m giving the benefit of it being an equal misunderstanding.)

You invited her over, then weren't there. Okay, you could have apologised and I'd probably let that go.
What are her views on religion? Someone saying they would keep me in their prayers would make me feel uncomfortable if they KNEW I was quite anti religion (any religion) but again, if they didn't know me well enough to know that, I wouldn't make it an issue.
Maybe you're just not suited as friends outside of work and it has run its course.

Could this be how your ex colleague feels and she has mentioned this to the church friend in common?

You are probably feeling upset by the church lady’s comment because you know she has a point - you haven’t been a particularly good friend.

Sorry OP, but for someone who professes to be a Christian, and says how important her faith is, you haven't acted very well. This lady supported you when you needed her, and regardless of the messed up visit, she not only contacted you to see if you would like something that she had to offer, but she also told you that she was unwell. As a Christian, saying you will pray for her is all very well, but actions speak far louder than words, and a good Christian, who has received help and support from someone, would return it by contacting her again to see how she is, and if there is anything you can do to help. Words are cheap, putting in effort is what Christianity is REALLY about.

You could have offered to put yourself out and visit her, seeing as you were so rude to not be in or message that you wouldn't be there the last time she traipsed to your house.

No wonder she's fucked you off.

"Me not being at home that day was a total miscommunication issue and I said I was home anytime she wanted to pop in to visit".

You weren't home the first time OP.
You sound defensive and full of excuses. It really does read like she was a better friend to you than you to her. Maybe you should pray for yourself if you can't take a step back and self reflect.

Did you include her in your prayers?

I would self reflect about why your church friends comment has upset you so much

It's not up to anyone else to tell you whether or not you are being a good Christian. It's between you and God.

I think the Christian thing to do in a situation can often be different from the thing most people would do if they weren't committed to that particular set of values and behaviour. Because I suppose your church friend is correct. The self sacrificing, put others first approach would indeed be to check in regularly and offer support and service to a sick person. The secular approach would be less altruistic and say there was no benefit to be had from the friendship so let it die.

Why were you discussing a work colleague/'friend' with people at church?

If you authentically valued the friendship, instead of a rather patronising "I'll pray for you", I would have thought suggesting visiting her at home or arranging a meet up might have been more productive in keeping the friendship going?

The I'll pray for you/talk about you at church vibe doesn't really suggest a marked effort on your part to stay connected to your former colleague.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Not being at home when she'd made the effort to come and see you would be very off putting.

She prioritised you when you were being bullied at work, even though it can't have been easy or pleasant for her.

I agree with @Bruisername - it sounds like she’s been a better friend to you than you have been to her. Honestly, saying you will keep her in your prayers is not - in and of itself - much of an offer, especially since you haven’t followed up with her since. You may not have time or space in her life for you - there are certainly people in my life who I have let down because I didn’t give them time when they needed it - but I think you have let her down.