Meeting new baby

@Pixelpioneer I can't believe 77% of people have said YABU! This is your baby brother / sister and it's been a month and you've still not met them?!

You are definitely not being unreasonable!

I get that Stepmum might not be as bothered about visitors (especially if you don't have the best relationship with her) but has your Dad not been in touch with you wanting his children to meet???

I definitely think you should reach out to your dad. It's a shame they haven't reached back out to you following your original contact (when they asked you to wait) but depending on how many visitors they need to accommodate, a month isn't a long time with a newborn. I could barely see past the next few hours when my baby was that old, so trying to coordinate family and friends who wanted to visit was not high on my agenda (I let DP take the lead on this with his family).

This is your littler brother or sister

When I had my baby - dh had 3 older kids in 20's s so sounds similar set up

The daughter (you) came to meet their sister (my baby) day after i had given birth at hospital when was maybe 15/20hrs old

I find it very strange you Havnt met new sibling and that your dad hasn't said come over

Lots of thoughts here.

A month can feel like both a year and a week with a newborn. I had complications during child birth which effectively wiped out the first week as I was in and out of hospital, which had a knock on effect on feeding, which went on for weeks. We did have a lot of visitors during this time (every weekend including stopovers), which I found quite stressful and could have done with more time as a smaller family unit to recover.

That said, as half sibling I find it unusual that you haven't met the baby yet.

How is your relationship with your dad and stepmum? How often do your normally see them? Are you able to just pop in for a couple of hours or would a visit require an overnight stay? How is mum and baby's health? The answers to these questions may provide context as to why you haven't been invited over yet.

In the meantime, I would contact via your dad, and I don't think you would be unreasonable to check-in and ask how mum and baby are doing, and mention that you would love to stop by if they're happy to have visitors.

I'd perhaps go the 'being helpful' route...

"Hey X, hope you and the little one are doing OK! Have been thinking of you lots. You must be in the thick of things right now so I wanted to drop you round some lasagna / soup / <insert food here> for the freezer – one less thing for you to have to think about. Is <date> ok for you?"

Quite possibly!

I don't think there's any harm in making contact - I think she should.

But I'd have been less than impressed if anyone had just turned up when I had a newborn so I don't think she should do that.

Hi OP how often did you normally visit before the baby was born and did you have to pre-arrange visits and how is your relationship with them?
A month is a very long time, I think it would be good to phone/text and ask if you are fine to come over on so and so date, if they say no then ask for a date you can visit.
I’d be feeling quite upset at not meeting a sibling after month, I would have thought that would have been done almost immediately so you are definitely NBU to ask again!

A sibling? I'd suggest a day and time ("can we come over tomorrow around 10am?"). That removes the pain of scheduling a time to see them.

A whole month means they've probably forgotten.

How is your relationship with them usually? If it's your dad that is the shared parent, is there a reason why he doesn't want you to visit?

I suspect after a month they've forgotten they said that!

OP just send a friendly message asking if it suits for you to pop around on Saturday afternoon (or whatever) suits and take it from there.

It usually is a nice gesture,
Some people don’t like flowers though when dealing with a tiny baby as it’s just another thing to sort whilst in the middle of baby fog. I LOVE flowers but really didn’t like receiving them since having a newborn (3 month old now)
Obv never said anything as appreciated people were trying to be nice

I voted YABU but then I saw it’s your SIBLING!??? YANBU. Same/next day for a sibling!

I'd send a message along the lines of... hope baby x has settled into life at home and that you're both doing ok. Cant wait to meet baby x!

I doubt it. She's already been in touch and been told to wait until she hears from them.

OP, don't just turn up. If you're being intentionally kept away, this could be very damaging.

Contact your dad.

And I'm assuming it's a shared dad because it's more usual for men to have second families and would be, I imagine, less common for a mum to distance her 'first' family than a man.

Have you asked after the baby since asking if you could visit? And have you asked to visit since then and been asked to wait?

Because if not, the past four weeks will have been a blur of HV, check ups and visits from people who were more pushy. Four weeks is blink of an eye with a newborn.

It's also remotely possible that your dad has been asked/made to be more of an active parent than was common when you were born.

I'd bring it up with your shared parent.

My dad remarried when I was 18. I got on with his wife well enough but, at 31, acquired two half siblings (twins).

She was far less keen for us to be involved then. My dad died when the children were 6 and we haven't seen them since. They'll be 18 this year. I have a child the same age.

My dad's second wife was always somewhat resentful of the fact he'd been married previously and had two children already (hence we got on well enough) and she simply didn't want her childen to know they were his second family. We suspect they don't even remember we exist anymore.

Speak to your dad.

I’m afraid I agree. And when they have ostracised op from her sibling and she can no longer be bothered, she’ll be the heartless one. Ugh, people.

Our families have always been at home waiting for us to arrive with the new baby.

With my fourth, we had to stay in hospital for over a week because she we were both poorly when she was born, everyone checked first but visited us in the hospital.

I voted yabu before I realised it was your sibling. In your situation I'd be very upset having to wait a month to visit your newest family member.

Unless you are the result of donor sperm, then you should contact your father.
State that you're excited to meet your new sibling and ask what you could do or bring that would be helpful for the new Mum and also give him days/dates that suit you to visit.
Be prepared to bring a casserole, fried rice etc and ready to fold laundry. Behave like close family if you are accepted as close family.
Also be prepared to be told to wait longer (and why).

Was also baffled by people suggesting flowers!

If it's your sibling then I'd just go round. I'm guessing your share a dad. It's the norm to see your siblings/grandchildren/niece within a few days of leaving the hospital and you've already waited a month.

If it was a friend or extended family member, I’d say wait. But seeing as the baby is your sibling, I think you’ve been very thoughtful to wait a month already.

Contact your parent (I know everyone is assuming it’s your dad but you haven’t specified and mums do sometimes have babies years apart) and suggest a time you’re available to pop by, meet sibling and help with anything they might need. Something like, “Hi Mum/Dad, I hope everything is going well with babyname! I’m available on Saturday to stop by and meet him/her - what time would be best? Let me know if you’d like me to bring anything from the supermarket/bring some food/bring my rubber gloves to help with any household jobs!”

They’re probably not intentionally keeping you out, just in a baby haze and not really thinking beyond that.

As others have said, the whole baby bubble thing may be a thing on here but I've never come across it in real life.

I think it's actually more likely that they're wondering why you haven't been over to see them yet, than that they're keeping you away.

I would message or call your parent. Ask how they all are and suggest a day you would like to visit (but emphasise that you are flexible). Be prepared to cook or clean or do laundry and don't stay too long. If they put you off try to arrange a date in a couple of weeks.