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Original poster

How to get friendly with these people?

35 replies

JulyMume · 28/07/2024 20:41

I’ve moved into a small community around 1.5 years ago. It’s really lovely and around 35 houses here. It’s all new build for context so everyone moved in 5 years before we did. They are all so friendly with each other - I’ve just been at the sink doing washing and saw elderly neighbour couple walking the dog and stopping to chat to the kids playing out (not my kids, the neighbours 2 doors down kids) Then another neighbour couple walking with another one. I just don’t know how to integrate with them.

I’m the youngest of 3 siblings and I remember helping my older sister move in years ago into their homes and people knocking on the door and introducing themselves. No one did this. Everytime I saw people out I would introduce myself and say I moved in house number x. They seem okay but I can sense no one really has room for a new person. I introduced myself in the Facebook group and WhatsApp group but apart from one or 2 likes the message was ignored.

I feel a little sad not to be welcomed in. I take my kids on the development to scooter etc. but no one really bothers stopping when I say hi etc. I have messaged a few mums with kids same age and asked when they are free for a walk or coming over for tea but it’s always they are busy etc. even I am busy but if a new neighbour moved in I would and have in my past house made time to welcome them. I’m not looking to be best mates etc. just friendly neighbours that I actually know the name of!

OP posts:
ToniGreen · 28/07/2024 21:53

Is there a local facebook page? You need to get into the circle of trust.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 28/07/2024 21:51

JulyMume · 28/07/2024 21:42

@cupcaske123 I really like this idea

but when I first moved I posted on MN (under different usernane) and someone else suggested it but it was met with lots of people saying I would sound desperate. I have numbers of people now so I could just message them? Would I look desperate? What would I even talk to these people about -can I have ideas on topics pls

I have numbers of people now so I could just message them?

How/why have you got their numbers?

cupcaske123 · 28/07/2024 21:47

JulyMume · 28/07/2024 21:42

@cupcaske123 I really like this idea

but when I first moved I posted on MN (under different usernane) and someone else suggested it but it was met with lots of people saying I would sound desperate. I have numbers of people now so I could just message them? Would I look desperate? What would I even talk to these people about -can I have ideas on topics pls

Absolutely not desperate at all. I thought it was a lovely idea and would have gone but had something else planned.

You could organise an afternoon BBQ if you have a garden. If not a load of wine and a few nibbles, just mooch around pouring wine, introduce yourself and make small talk eg how long have you been here, what do you do, children, things to do in the area, holidays, that kind of thing. Once the wine gets flowing you'll be fine.

Original poster
JulyMume · 28/07/2024 21:42

@cupcaske123 I really like this idea

but when I first moved I posted on MN (under different usernane) and someone else suggested it but it was met with lots of people saying I would sound desperate. I have numbers of people now so I could just message them? Would I look desperate? What would I even talk to these people about -can I have ideas on topics pls

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 28/07/2024 21:28

I had a note through my door a while ago which said they were new neighbours and were having wine and nibbles if anyone wanted to go. You could try that

AylesBuck · 28/07/2024 21:26

They are probably arrogant or just busy with their own life, it’s hard to tell. Are you « different » in any way? Arty vs classic middle class? Younger vs older?
About your children’s school, can you perhaps focus on knowing the parents there?

Original poster
JulyMume · 28/07/2024 21:02

I’m happy with just being on friendly terms and developing into friendship if we get along but problem is I don’t even know these peoples names. They seem really arrogant and I find it hard to make small talk.

there’s one women only with kids in same school as me but she’s made it very clear she’s not interested. The other kids are in a different school to my children.

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 28/07/2024 20:54

This is what stops me moving out of London tbh. People in small communities take ages to warm to newcomers and usually prefer to socialise only with people they have known since primary school.

You may find after a decade someone will give you the time of day at the shop and after 20 years you might get invited to a party. I can’t be fucked with this. Prefer the anonymity of a city where you are allowed a valid existence independent of where you went to school.

I guess if you hang on in there they will slowly come around but it will be a slow burn.

PeoniesGinandBags · 28/07/2024 20:53

It's really lovely that you want to befriend them. Maybe take things a little more organically? Stop someone to give their dog a stroke, ask its name etc.

I know what you mean as at my old house, people proactively came round with wine etc when we moved in (which I was totally not used to!) At my new house it's the same as you describe, new builds but I'm 'resale' person. Dogs are my way in!

AylesBuck · 28/07/2024 20:49

That’s a difficult one as you can’t force friendships. But what exactly are you looking for? Just friendly neighbours (to say hi, or borrow tools….)? Or local friends (you said you have messaged a few mums), in this case are your children at school? I met my local friends in the playground, definitely the easiest way to make friends.