How to get friendly with these people?

I made a couple of friends on my road when we moved in 3 years ago. If another new neighbour moved in, I would be polite and friendly, but wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to hang out - I don't have enough time for my established friends, so wouldn't be looking to make anymore just because someone happened to buy a house near mine.

Don't forget the people on your estate would have established their friendships pre-covid, which was a time when people were less insular. I think sadly the pandemic and lockdowns have changed the way people socialise. Also sometimes people have just reached their mental and emotional capacity for making new friends, and this may be the case here. The only way to know whether or not it was personal would be to see how another newcomer was treated. It could be something really random like the people you bought from may have been really popular, and no-one else can replace them in the neighbours minds.

@HauntedbyMagpies

That's a massive stereotype! I can assure you that people up north are farrrrrrrrrrrr friendlier than they are in London!

From one stereotype to another!

Fair enough there was a bit of stereotyping in my post but also a fair degree of truth. But I suppose what I am wondering is why you would bother putting yourself through trying to befriend people who don’t want to make friends? It seems a total waste of time and energy.

Helping at the school is really good. Do the kids that you see in school with say hi to you when they see you around?
If the rest of the community are on such friendly terms then it implies that they have regular informal contact with each other like coffees and parties etc. There is no way you will become part of the community without either spending a long time slowly making connections with people until they let you in, or by making yourself vulnerable by offering something. Trust is only built by taking a risk.

Whilst YANBU, it looks like the friendship groups have already been formed, which makes it harder. Groups can quickly become cliques. It takes time, and you have to let others set the pace.

Hard isn't it op? We moved into our new house early last year, a relatively small estate of "new" builds (about 20 years old).

18 months on, I couldn't tell you most of our neighbours names - some I wouldn't even recognise if I saw them walking through the shopping centre! They're not cliquey as such, don't think they are actively snubbing us, just not really interested in saying hello or anything.

As far as I'm aware, we very much fit in, our children are the same age as most of the children in the road (too old to be going out to play though!), we've got a dog like about 75% of the estate. So I have no idea why it is the way it is

Yep! Gardening, washing car, painting windows etc. I've gotten to know lots of people that way.

In addition, I think spending time outside of the area can be refreshing, or it becomes a fish bowl, and you're the fish. Get a tent/caravan and spend weekends camping with kids. Drive to beach on a weekday! It really helps not care!

I second the front gardening idea - that's probably where I have most interactions with random people in the community, though I prefer the gardening!

I feel bad for you. But I also think surely there's a bigger reason you moved to the area other than to be friends with neighbours? Recentre priorities (of course you can come on here to say something on your mind though!) and make yourself so busy with house/kids/work that you actually do not have time to think about this situation. Become socially independent - you already volunteer - is there more volunteering options further afield? Food bank? Brownies? Can you enrol in a course that will further your career, online or in person?

Can you reconnect with old friends, engage with wider family, invite them over and set up routine social dinners?

I'm in a small village, but definitely do not feel that neighbours and local community is the reason I live here. I bought here to go long pretty country walks, have an affordable mortgage, and put up shelves without having to ask landlord.

If people are giving you the cold shoulder, absolutely do not entertain them. Simpering to any nastiness can be interpreted as weakness, and you are strong.

Sounds tough op. May be look att work perhaps for chums. Nothing wrong with u do u work and they at home. If they have hD 5 Years together then they have well and truly bonded it seems

@ToniGreen I beg your pardon?! I live in a new build and have a beautiful, fertile garden with borders, plants, insects and trees like any other house! Just because my home is new, doesn't mean I can’t have a proper garden ffs!

That's a massive stereotype! I can assure you that people up north are farrrrrrrrrrrr friendlier than they are in London!

On the gloomier side, it may simply be that your face doesn’t fit for whatever reason. I grew up in the country (not UK) so not unused to small communities, but had always lived in London and Oxford in England. I’m a socially confident person who makes friends easily, and I did all the things suggested on here (volunteered, ended up running the toddler group, joined things, had a child at a local pre-school, then primary, went to the pub, helped out at events, was generally friendly etc). Zilch, for eight years. I’m very ordinary, but I was unusual for there.

I made all my friends at work in the nearest city. Then we left the country.

Well I am obviously in the minority. I have heard of so many neighbours having huge fallings out, when they're getting too close for comfort. This can make living so close really awkward.

I have friends outside of the neighbours, and other than hi and a polite chat about the weather, I have no interest in anything further, certainly not a going to each others houses sort of scenario.
We are the youngest where we live though, so haven't probably got all that much in common. We just happen to live next to each other. Life is busy, maybe if you have a little extra time on your hands, or are are a bit lonely, it may be different.

That is the biggest generalisation of every small community I have ever read! And coming from 'That London' I'd assume you appreciate that not all Londoners are 'unfriendly' and 'look right through you' as lots of other mumsnetters seem to think too.
Utter codswallop! and I say that coming from a big city that moved into a small community myself.

When i moved to my house in another part of the village i cleaned my car and ad people walked by i would stop and ask how they were, and make conversation , I now know my neighbours and we all look out for each other, hi just may not be enough.

We are due to get new neighbours very soon - l was thinking of hosting a bbq to welcome them to the area but am paranoid about being too full on and them thinking we will expect to be besties! Maybe l will just take them a bottle of wine round instead!

Women's Institute

WI

It was very similar in my area until someone set up a WI, aimed at younger women. This really broke the ice

It'll be a new build concrete jungle.

I find gardening in the front garden to be a great way to say hello to people.

What can you offer to the rest of the community? Do you bake? Do you want to run a book group, do you have a craft that you could teach people like maybe wreath making at Christmas? Do you have a cool/useful thing you could offer to lend to people?

I had exactly the same when I moved in five years after everyone else on the estate. I didn't really notice at first as I worked full time and was pretty busy with kids. But when I was on maternity leave leave I realised they all knew each other and I didn't. I tried to make more effort but no luck. In lockdown they hosted a street party and forgot to invite us. But we went out anyway and said hello. We got to know them a bit better and the next street party we did get involved in. I know them all to say hello/ quick. CHat with but we are not friends. We have lived here 11 years now.