Page 9 | New career working Christmas as single parent

ItsSpookySeason · 2024-07-28T14:37:12+00:00

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW. We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare. I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked! How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

PizzaFecker · 28/07/2024 22:15

@MumChp yeah I agree. I got so sick of constantly working every weekend, bank holiday and Christmas because parents wanted time off and thought they were above everyone else I just refused point blank to cover anyone else's shift. And I used to cover everyone's Christmas but it became expected and then no one appreciates it.

Differentstarts · 28/07/2024 22:15

Have you actually got a new job if not I'd be seriously thinking of moving to be nearer family and applying for Jobs there. Having 5 kids under 12 without a support system won't work. It's not just Christmas , what if you end up in hospital yourself then what.

SingingWaffleDoggy · 28/07/2024 22:14

I really feel for you.
I think if you said you can’t do this Christmas (give reason of no childcare or family support) but would be willing to work next year a reasonable manager would understand. In our trust we work either Christmas Day or Boxing Day.
By next year you may have a mum friend/ colleague that would help you out or be able to move to a more family friendly role.

opalescented · 28/07/2024 22:13

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 15:43

Thank you. Other bank Holidays won't be an issue as my childcare provider is open then.
I don't have any other family in this country - the one family member I have, is moving away in 10 days.

Do management take individual circumstances into account when sorting shift allocations?

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They shouldn't do but a lot of people will and it pisses off those without kids

Jk987 · 28/07/2024 22:12

Kingsway22 · 28/07/2024 15:44

Can your Ex DH’s ‘twice a year’ include Christmas every other year. You could plan your work around it.

This.

Plus the fact he should see his 5 children much more often, the dick.

PizzaFecker · 28/07/2024 22:11

@ItsSpookySeason just being honest. Your home life is of no relevance to your co workers in a brand new job. Most wards actually tell you as a newly qualified it is expected you'll work the first Christmas.

If you call in sick after you've asked people to
Change their shifts to cover yours that would be a disciplinary on my old ward.

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:10

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 21:35

In my experience most people get their requested shifts at Christmas, and where I worked (I had no kids at the time) people were kind to each other and did shifts they thought were fair.

I have worked with minimal nurses who would not sympathise with this situation and allow OP to make it up by working other shifts that they might not want to do.

What is she supposed to do? Abandon nursing before she’s begun? I’m pretty sure a ward would rather have an extra permanent staff member and work around the Christmas Day issue than let her qualification go to waste?!

OP is not just a mum with kids she is a mum with no childcare, no family and a shitty ex husband which she did not anticipate at the start of training!!!

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Thing is she isn't that special in 2024 NHS.
I wouldn't quit my Christmas for hers.

Before you think I am a devil I covered a lot of shi* t shifts for single mum nurses as a young childfree nurse.

Spacecowboys · 28/07/2024 22:08

Does your manager put up request sheets for Christmas and new year weeks? You could try putting Christmas Eve 12 hour on there and then day off for Christmas Day and Boxing Day. But there’s no guarantee. What about New Year’s Day, do you have childcare? You may get lucky and have a couple of nurses who will work Christmas to get new year off. I haven’t really experienced this myself though. Christmas Day is the biggie really.

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:06

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:01

Thanks for your helpful comment. I'm really trying my best under what are difficult circumstances for me.

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Your coworkers do too. Their best. And have often done for years at the wards.

It depends a lot how the other nurses' family lives are. You can't know before you ask them to cover for you. I have done my share of helping out as a young childfree nurse. It does happen.

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 22:06

HollyKnight · 28/07/2024 21:55

Seriously? You think every other single mother has an involved ex and family nearby? I've worked with plenty of women in this exact situation. In fact nearly all of the nurses from overseas on my ward right now don't have spouses or other family here. They just have their children.

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What do they do at Christmas then maybe they can enlighten OP

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:02

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 21:56

It's not just the cost, although I'm expecting it to be utterly unaffordable - none of my childcare providers will work on Christmas or Boxing day. I will obviously keep looking for someone who is willing and have asked around but nobody seems to know anyone.

As I've never worked for the NHS before , would working Christmas eve count as working Christmas? As in, if I request to work Christmas eve would I then be able to take 25th off?
I'm really unsure about how it works.

I've seen a few posters mention calling in sick which I don't think I could do as I don't want to let anyone down, but if I am rostered to work 25th this year there is a very good chance I will be physically unable to.

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Most want 25th December off. It's not a surprise I guess. Most don't care about 24.12.

Of course you can be lucky the ratio of nurses is in your favour wanting a shift 25.12 and the eve of 24.12 can tick of for Christmas. But I wouldn't count on it.

NerrSnerr · 28/07/2024 22:02

I'm a nurse. I don't know any single mums who work weekends or nights who don't have the dad or other family members doing the childcare. None of them would be able to afford a nanny and what other childcare could they use?

They either have family support who do a lot of childcare for them or they get a 9-5 job.

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:01

PizzaFecker · 28/07/2024 21:57

Don't worry op the child free nurses will pick up the flack for you. Bet you'll make loads of friends

Thanks for your helpful comment. I'm really trying my best under what are difficult circumstances for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:00

HollyKnight · 28/07/2024 21:57

If you can work Christmas Eve night that might count for working some of Christmas.

I could work a long day on 24th but have no childcare past 9pm

OP posts:

MumChp · 28/07/2024 21:57

Best bet is to offer to cover EVERYTHING for a colleague regardless of what they ask.
Possibly cover two or three (sh* t) shifts in exchange for a Christmas shift.
It also costs money indirectly, however.

PizzaFecker · 28/07/2024 21:57

Don't worry op the child free nurses will pick up the flack for you. Bet you'll make loads of friends

HollyKnight · 28/07/2024 21:57

If you can work Christmas Eve night that might count for working some of Christmas.

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 21:57

TheSquareMile · 28/07/2024 21:38

@ItsSpookySeason

Are you already working on the ward on which you might be asked to work on Christmas Day, OP?

I'm wondering whether there is someone you can at least speak to in person about your predicament. They may know more about how the ward will be staffed on that day but have yet to share that with you.

I'm not working there currently, but there is a WhatsApp group for new band 5s and we have been told via that not to make any requests for December!

OP posts:

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 21:56

MumChp · 28/07/2024 21:37

Lots of single mum nurses pay the cost of childcare at Christmas (or other sh* t days). Yes it will be more than you earn that day. But is it your coworkers problem? No. Not really.

i saw it every year then I worked at wards as a nurse. I have more than one Christmas covered for a single mum befire I had children - but it has been my choice.
Ask around - someone might be nice to help you out.

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It's not just the cost, although I'm expecting it to be utterly unaffordable - none of my childcare providers will work on Christmas or Boxing day. I will obviously keep looking for someone who is willing and have asked around but nobody seems to know anyone.

As I've never worked for the NHS before , would working Christmas eve count as working Christmas? As in, if I request to work Christmas eve would I then be able to take 25th off?
I'm really unsure about how it works.

I've seen a few posters mention calling in sick which I don't think I could do as I don't want to let anyone down, but if I am rostered to work 25th this year there is a very good chance I will be physically unable to.

OP posts:

HollyKnight · 28/07/2024 21:55

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 21:48

Is everyone missing that she has no family and her ex is living in a different country? I’m so sure that any other single parent would not have these two additional complications. Many will have kids every other year shared with an ex and the rest will have a family member who can help?!

I’ve never worked with anyone in this particular circumstance

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Seriously? You think every other single mother has an involved ex and family nearby? I've worked with plenty of women in this exact situation. In fact nearly all of the nurses from overseas on my ward right now don't have spouses or other family here. They just have their children.

MumChp · 28/07/2024 21:54

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 21:49

OP is aware she needs a non shift work role but this is not possible this year

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If she secures a job suitable for no shifts at Christmas.

MumChp · 28/07/2024 21:51

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 21:48

Is everyone missing that she has no family and her ex is living in a different country? I’m so sure that any other single parent would not have these two additional complications. Many will have kids every other year shared with an ex and the rest will have a family member who can help?!

I’ve never worked with anyone in this particular circumstance

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She isn't special. At all. All wards have single mum nurses paying childcare at sh* t shifts.

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 21:49

Kinneddar · 28/07/2024 21:48

I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

Ha ha. I bet they would

IF she did this Christmas off what happens next year when the problem is the same. Any goodwill for the circumstances this year will be in short supply if the same thing happens next year

Having New Year off wouldn't and doesn't interest me. I don't see it as any compensation for working Christmas Day

OP is aware she needs a non shift work role but this is not possible this year

Kinneddar · 28/07/2024 21:48

I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

Ha ha. I bet they would

IF she did this Christmas off what happens next year when the problem is the same. Any goodwill for the circumstances this year will be in short supply if the same thing happens next year

Having New Year off wouldn't and doesn't interest me. I don't see it as any compensation for working Christmas Day

user1497787065 · 28/07/2024 21:48

I worked for the fire service
In my 20s and generally those with children took Christmas off and those without took new year. It usually suited
Most of us