Page 8 | New career working Christmas as single parent

ItsSpookySeason · 2024-07-28T14:37:12+00:00

I have just finished a nursing degree and I'm waiting on my pin coming through before starting my new job. I've worked hard to get to this point as a mature student but unfortunately during my training my husband divorced me and has now moved to another country with OW. We have 5 children under 12 who he now sees twice a year. I have managed during my training using paid childcare and have been fortunate that I have a family member who has also helped by looking after my children, but they are now also moving away to start a new job so I will solely be relying on paid childcare. I am extremely worried about working 12 hour shifts over Christmas - I don't object to working Christmas eve / Christmas day / boxing day at all but I have no idea how I am going to sort childcare. I don't want to raise this as an issue as soon as I start my new job, I don't want to make a bad impression nor do I think I deserve special treatment as a single parent, but none of my childcare providers work Christmas day or boxing day, I have already asked! How does anyone in a similar situation manage? I was previously self employed, and married, so have never had to worry about this before! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

5431go · 28/07/2024 22:43

Nomorecoconutboosts · 28/07/2024 15:54

@Houseplanter I used to do a similar job and totally agree with your comments.

‘do management take individual circumstances into account?’

hmm well only to a certain extent. If someone worked the last 2 and requests this year off then I would (and did) authorise it even thought that person had no young dc (other colleagues thought this was relevant and they didn’t deserve 25th off - I didn’t)

who on earth is in a position to say that staff member a is more deserving than b. It gets very complicated if people routinely claim having dc as a special circumstance. So if a has the day off 4 years running due to having dc, would I then decide b can’t and therefore doesn’t get to see their nephews or elderly parents?

I genuinely think that barring one off events, everyone who applies to work in a 24/7 service needs to be available to work pretty much all of them. And being available on May Day for example is in no way a compromise for requesting half of December and January off!

and don’t get me started on last minute sickness - people don’t think it will be noticed but it really is.

🙄

and we wanted why recruitment and retention in the health service is so bad.

There are plenty of people (bank/agendy) who are willing to work Christmas …. You just have to name the right price. But of course in the short term hiring the agency nurse is more expensive, but so is recruiting a new nurse when they left due to being treated so badly.

Last Christmas my local ED advertised a Christmas shift at £31 /hour for a junior Dr. After tax for a 10hr shift you were lucky if you came out with £200 after deduction.

So under appreciated and with managers like you who needs enemies!

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:42

MrJeremyFisher · 28/07/2024 22:39

Regardless of the xmas issue, I can't really see how working as a ward nurse is feasible when you're a single parent to 5 young children and have no family support at all. You'll need so much time off when one or another is unwell, needs to go to an appointment etc.

Thanks for your opinion but that's not why I was posting. I need this job, and as already stated several times, after 12 months I will be able to work in a different setting with more family friendly hours

OP posts:

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:41

Spacecowboys · 28/07/2024 22:32

I’d have took unpaid parental leave every time I was due to work Christmas if this was an option 😂.

Show quote history

We wouldn't be just you and me of sh* t shifts. It would be to easy.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 28/07/2024 22:41

Would your sister help you out for Christmas? Could the kids go to hers?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 28/07/2024 22:40

To posters saying that all the childless people will end up working Christmas and it causing conflict, I don’t agree. When I was younger I always wanted to work Christmas to have NYE and NYD off. Most of my peers were the same! It balances out for the most part.

Are childless people all young then?

MrJeremyFisher · 28/07/2024 22:39

Regardless of the xmas issue, I can't really see how working as a ward nurse is feasible when you're a single parent to 5 young children and have no family support at all. You'll need so much time off when one or another is unwell, needs to go to an appointment etc.

Cantdoitallperfectly · 28/07/2024 22:39

I’ve been a nurse manger in NHS and also have been a single mum so I do understand your predicament. Firstly,speak to your new line manager and let her know of your situation. They will (or should!) want to help and support you in your new role.

Usually I’d let nurses pick if they wanted to work Christmas or NY and work the rota around that. Depending on where you are working it might be less busy ie surgical will have no elective cases (but yiu can end up with boarders or get moved to a different ward) so there sometimes can be flexibility. But do talk to your manager - once they understand they’ll hopefully help. To posters saying that all the childless people will end up working Christmas and it causing conflict, I don’t agree. When I was younger I always wanted to work Christmas to have NYE and NYD off. Most of my peers were the same! It balances out for the most part.

Secondly, well done on getting this far. Becoming a nurse with all you’ve had on your plate must have taken a Herculean effort and you’ve done it now.. getting experience on the wards is the best thing you can do! Wishing you the best of luck.

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:38

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:32

I can work from the 27th.

Spending Christmas with their dad is not an option, as explained earlier in the thread he has already made it clear to me and them that he will visit twice a year, neither of those visits will be in December. I am not able to force him to return to the UK and take responsibility for his kids, believe me if I could then I would

Show quote history

24.12/ 8.pm to 27.12/ 7 am is not an options for you to work. Most ward nurses would kill to stay off duty for that period.

You have to sort out what you can offer a coworker to cover for you.
I am pretty sure it can be done but it will cost you an efford.

YOYOK · 28/07/2024 22:38

Do you have any school mum friends? You have 5 children so have they got any close friends and you can pull in a favour? You will be able to return the favour, I’m sure.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 28/07/2024 22:37

I'm a nurse and a single parent and think you will struggle on the wards tbh. That said there's no guarantee your hours would be better in the community, you'd still be expected to work over Christmas.

I managed with the help of friends and family.

I would get in early (at interview stage) and be honest about your situation, you may get a sympathetic ward sister who would be happy for it to be agreed to have Christmas off.

PurpleBugz · 28/07/2024 22:36

If you can do other bank holidays then I would offer to do most of them in a sort of trade to get Christmas off.

Try childcare.co.uk. I used to get a fair amount of work in there. I worked Christmas eve most years it was good money. There will be lots of childcare workers with no work over the holidays who may consider it. Much more likely to have success if they work in your house rather than theirs

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:32

Differentstarts · 28/07/2024 22:29

She can't work from 8.30 pm on the 24th until the 28th December. The problem is a lot of people say they haven't got childcare to get out of working Christmas. Hardly any jobs would except this I think the only solution is them spending Christmas with their dad

Show quote history

I can work from the 27th.

Spending Christmas with their dad is not an option, as explained earlier in the thread he has already made it clear to me and them that he will visit twice a year, neither of those visits will be in December. I am not able to force him to return to the UK and take responsibility for his kids, believe me if I could then I would

OP posts:

Spacecowboys · 28/07/2024 22:32

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:30

The trusts I have worked for have unpaid parental leave not been an option for the annual sh* t shifts at Christmas. If so we have all done it.

Show quote history

I’d have took unpaid parental leave every time I was due to work Christmas if this was an option 😂.

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:30

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 28/07/2024 22:26

OP has to get through the next 12 months. Then she can get a better aligning job or use unpaid parental leave if she really needed to. All you can do is ask around. Beg to swap shifts. If you can work other bank holidays can you offer to work boxing day, new years eve and day. Basically try to sweeten it for someone as much as can.

The trusts I have worked for have unpaid parental leave not been an option for the annual sh* t shifts at Christmas. If so we have all done it.

Differentstarts · 28/07/2024 22:29

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 28/07/2024 22:26

OP has to get through the next 12 months. Then she can get a better aligning job or use unpaid parental leave if she really needed to. All you can do is ask around. Beg to swap shifts. If you can work other bank holidays can you offer to work boxing day, new years eve and day. Basically try to sweeten it for someone as much as can.

She can't work from 8.30 pm on the 24th until the 28th December. The problem is a lot of people say they haven't got childcare to get out of working Christmas. Hardly any jobs would except this I think the only solution is them spending Christmas with their dad

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 28/07/2024 22:28

I’m a single parent and a midwife who works shifts, in our trust you have to work either Christmas or new year. I have never worked Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because I always work NYE and New Year’s Day. I also spoke to the head of midwifery early on and got approved for set shifts quickly which helped massively.

ConfessionsOfAMumDramaQueen · 28/07/2024 22:26

OP has to get through the next 12 months. Then she can get a better aligning job or use unpaid parental leave if she really needed to. All you can do is ask around. Beg to swap shifts. If you can work other bank holidays can you offer to work boxing day, new years eve and day. Basically try to sweeten it for someone as much as can.

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:24

Differentstarts · 28/07/2024 22:21

I just don't see how it's gonna work. Won't you have to do night shifts aswell.

Show quote history

Yes I will have to do night shifts and I have a childminder who covers night shifts as I have already explained in the thread. She does not work past 9pm on 24th December or at all on 25th or 26th.
7
I have explained several times that the shift pattern itself isn't going to be a huge problem for me, it is literally the 25th and 26th of December that I have not been able to find any childcare provider who I willing to work (and likely couldn't afford it even if I found someone!)

OP posts:

MumChp · 28/07/2024 22:23

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 22:06

What do they do at Christmas then maybe they can enlighten OP

Show quote history

The network, help each other and they offer to cover EVERYTHING for colleagues regardless of what they ask.
Possibly cover two or three (sh* t) shifts in exchange for a Christmas 25.12 shift.
It also costs money indirectly, however.

But it's often best bet.

TheSquareMile · 28/07/2024 22:21

@ItsSpookySeason

When does the job start, OP? I appreciate that you just have the info on WhatsApp at the moment.

Although you're not on the wards right now, hopefully you will be soon and will be able to talk to someone about your predicament.

Differentstarts · 28/07/2024 22:21

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:18

Yes I already have a job and contract is signed, just waiting on my pin coming through.

I dont have any family, my parents are dead, my sister is moving away and as she is only 21 and I have relied on her help with childcare a lot over the last 2 years I don't think moving to her new area would be fair on her, she is just starting her own adult life and finding her feet.

There is nobody else. My ex husband has moved back to his home country with the woman he left me for, and all of my ex in laws also live abroad.

Show quote history

I just don't see how it's gonna work. Won't you have to do night shifts aswell.

Original poster

ItsSpookySeason · 28/07/2024 22:18

Differentstarts · 28/07/2024 22:15

Have you actually got a new job if not I'd be seriously thinking of moving to be nearer family and applying for Jobs there. Having 5 kids under 12 without a support system won't work. It's not just Christmas , what if you end up in hospital yourself then what.

Yes I already have a job and contract is signed, just waiting on my pin coming through.

I dont have any family, my parents are dead, my sister is moving away and as she is only 21 and I have relied on her help with childcare a lot over the last 2 years I don't think moving to her new area would be fair on her, she is just starting her own adult life and finding her feet.

There is nobody else. My ex husband has moved back to his home country with the woman he left me for, and all of my ex in laws also live abroad.

OP posts:

Spacecowboys · 28/07/2024 22:17

PizzaFecker · 28/07/2024 22:11

@ItsSpookySeason just being honest. Your home life is of no relevance to your co workers in a brand new job. Most wards actually tell you as a newly qualified it is expected you'll work the first Christmas.

If you call in sick after you've asked people to
Change their shifts to cover yours that would be a disciplinary on my old ward.

Absolutely every nurse I have ever met has worked the first Christmas as a newly qualified. I’ve been in the nhs > 20 years. Op, I think your best bet ( other than a job with no bank holidays) is to settle in and then ask one of the nurses who has been there a while how the Christmas roster is managed in your work area. Don’t mention anything to any of the staff on the ward about your child care issues. Then , speak to your manager and explain your child care issues. Take it from there.

HollyKnight · 28/07/2024 22:17

Anon22224 · 28/07/2024 22:06

What do they do at Christmas then maybe they can enlighten OP

Show quote history

They swap shifts. They pay others to work their shifts. They form networks with other single mothers without families to look after each other's children on the days when schools/childcare is closed.

PinataHammer · 28/07/2024 22:16

Some of the replies you have received here are really unfair OP.
The fact that you are thinking about this so much already goes to show what an asset you will be to your team.

As a nurse myself who has worked as a ward manager I can tell you now I'd support you. Within my department I utilised a system over Christmas where all my staff were expected to work 1 key shift over the Xmas/NY period.
This included Christmas Eve night, Christmas day/night, boxing day, NYE night and new years day. They'd only be rostered more than 1 of these shifts if they personally requested it. The rest of their hours were worked on non "key" shifts.
No block annual leave these 2 weeks so everyone could take a day each.

Be clear with your ward manager what you can work, instead of worrying about what you can't and hopefully your team will include nurses much more understanding than some you've encountered on here.

Welcome to the NHS!