New career working Christmas as single parent

@LewishamMumNow Ah I see. So you can pontificate about this without there being any danger that you'll ever have to work a xmas. That makes sense. I suspect you'd feel differently if you worked in a 24/365 type of job and your children were no longer at that special age you speak of.

?? Of course you prefer and care about your own family more than other people's children. Doh. But youngish children should still take priority at Christmas time.
If your employer wants to prioritise children, then that is for them to do, but they can not do that by discriminating against other employees. Well, I'm saying employers should prioritise children. Whether that is "discrimination" depends a bit upon what you mean by that word. It would not be unlawful discrimination, but of course prioritsing parents of young children will mean others do more than a strictly equal allocation of Christmas shifts.

Quite. Really selfish. It's the "me too" argument.

Just to be clear I do not work in a profession where I ever have, or ever will, be made to work at Christmas. But I do have young children, and I get frustrated by the weird arguments on mumsnet about the "rights" of workers without kids. I just think of my own kids and it upsets me. And there are loads of kids missing out on spending Christmas with their parents because their parents colleagues - who mostly themselves spent Christmas with their parents - are focused on what is "fair" which apparently doesn't mean giving any special status to young children and the special role Christmas has. I remember Christmas from when I was six very clearly. I've no memories at all of it from when I was 16 or 26 or 36. Because it did not matter that much. I will have clear memories of it from when I'm 46 because my children will be 7, 5 and 4 then, and I wouldn't miss that for anything.

Exactly. My husbands mother did shift work and so did my father. So Christmas might have to be held on a different day. Him and l appear to have turned out fine. It’s just one of those things.

@LewishamMumNow Other people's children will never be more important than one's own family. It doesn't matter if they are young or old, someone else's children will not trump that. Children are important to their families and society, but they are not important to individuals on a personal level. Your colleagues as individuals are not responsible for other people's children. If your employer wants to prioritise children, then that is for them to do, but they can not do that by discriminating against other employees. This issue could potentially be solved with money (i.e. bringing in agency staff), but they won't do that.

And I'm totally at a loss as to why I should think about your kids before myself.

This isn't life or death. If we were discussing who gets the last seat in a lifeboat then clearly your kids come first. But there are limits.

I think if you are rostered you will need to throw money at the problem. Get your Ex to contribute.

Your current childcare provider isn't available. I'm sure there will be someone willing to work.

They'll need to be checked for safeguarding reasons so look for an agency. Perhaps you could find someone of a different faith for whom Christmas isn't a "thing"?

Family / friends time is family / friends time; one person's tradition doesn't outweigh the other.

Shift workers with young kids would do well to start alternative traditions early. Like celebrating on the Eve, or Boxing Day, or whatever. Set realistic expectations among the children when they are young. Rather than imposing on co-workers and employers.

I used to be a deputy ward manager on an NHS ward and did the rotas. Everyone was expected to do their share of Christmas and New Year. The starting point around this time of year funnily enough, is for all staff to say what they would be happy to do. Obviously there are usually gaps which then people are allocated to. You can try to get a swap but obviously there are no guarantees. Plus if you do get Christmas Day off this year, then your name will most definitely be in the frame for next year. It’s the most popular requested day of the year off for obvious reasons. It’s a 24/7 role and people in my trust are reminded about that at interview. Lots of places (include my trust) have a holiday ban over the Christmas and New Year period. Sickness isn’t a great route to go down either as colleagues won’t be thrilled and next year -yep the people who phone in sick will be Centre stage for doing shifts

It must be tough with 5 young children but then again other colleagues realistically won’t want to do more than their share of shifts at Christmas which is their right not to

I am not sure what sort of area you live on so this might not be appropriate for certain areas but what about posting on a local community Facebook group to see if a student home for Christmas holidays might be able to help out for a little bit extra cash?
I think if I saw someone local in this difficult position I would be quite happy to have their children round to my house.
I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for you OP, it can't be easy working shifts and juggling 5 children completely alone. Well done, what a fantastic role model to your children.
Edited to add: I'm not a student and wouldn't want paid.

@JudgeBurrito I get that GPs would like to spend the day with their grandchildren, but I'm pretty sure they would recognise their childrens' parents are more important (and it is the same for all children).
It's not about prioritising other families, but prioritsing youngish children - which we all were once. Mostly had our parents with us at Christmas; but if not, wouldn't it be good to change that for the future?!

Well it is the same from my point of view, as you've got a colleague who thinks they deserve the day off more than I do because they want to spend it with young children they're related to. Which you arguably agree with?

Genuine question, why would I prioritise someone else's family over my own..? Regardless of their age.

Why on earth would you assume that?

In my extended family we have adult-centric Christmas as there are very few children and unlikely to be more. We love our "magic" days and are no less deserving of them than those who choose to have children.

I would not be doing more than my equal share, nor would I expect others to sacrifice to accommodate me.

This is awful, that parent was so selfish.

Sorry about your nan, but GPs are not the same as parents. As far as choosing your occupation goes....people tend to do this years, if not decades, before having kids, so it's not practical.
Totally at a loss as to why people think of themselves and not youngish kids.....

OP, I used to give a lift to a single parent who worked annualised hours as a nurse at our local NHS hospital. So she was effectively 9 - 5, term time only. Obviously it reduced her pay but it enabled her to work in her chosen career. Worth a word with HR?

That is not the same. Plenty of kids don't spend Christmas with GPs due to logistics and all sorts of reasons. GPs should never take priority over parents in terms of spending time with grand/kids. (Obvs people who are GPs may have special situations - as many anyone.)

Well said!

If they're "young enough to believe in the magic" they can be told the magic is happening on 24 or 26 Dec and they'll never know the difference.

If they're older they can manage with a sitter or relative till mum returns home from work at 4pm.

I missed my last Christmas with my nan because a parent stropped. Never again. People who prioritize "the magic" need to take that into account when choosing their occupation.

Hi OP, a big congratulations on getting your nursing degree and PIN, a major achievement. As it is only the xmas period that you can't work, I would let your future employer know this. You are being very fair and reasonable.
Congratulations again!

It would be interesting to know. It would still be a significant chunk of the working population though, and then you have the nurses with grandchildren who want it off too.

TBF 80% are not parents of kids aged, say 2-10. That would be a much smaller proportion.

@LewishamMumNow at the point of doing a Christmas off duty a manager will consider all sorts of requests. Being a parent was never the trump card on my ward.

You choose to do a 24/7 job, but don't expect not to do your share of the crap

This is absolutely ridiculous 🙄 you accuse people of being anti-parent/mother when they've been nothing of the sort, and then genuinely say that childfree people should work worse shifts. Unbelievable. 'Fair share' is absolutely not subjective in this context.