New career working Christmas as single parent

This. And luckily in the real world, the two extremes going head to head on this thread rarely exist.
Somebody who claims they have been forced to work multiple consecutive Christmases in a row is probably stretching the truth a little. A general rule is that if you have one off, you work the next.

OP in the real world, you may hear some grumbling about the Christmas off duty but in general there is a lot more flexibility and goodwill than you will hear on these tedious annual MN threads. Let your new manager know your issue as soon as you can. It’s not unheard of for somebody to move to a new clinical area having already had Christmas off duty/travel plans approved or made and these may be honoured.
Your manager will go through the options with you. And don’t forget to spread some Christmas sprinkles at work for your 30 year old colleagues who simply can’t miss the magic 😉

OK, so here’s a thought. If employers know they have to treat parents of under 10s as unavailable for work on Christmas Day, then they need to ensure that their ward isn’t solely staffed by parents of under 10s. They’re under a duty to the children now remember, to safeguard their right to wellbeing magic.

That means they have to ask at hiring stage if the applicant is a parent of under 10s. And if so, a childless person or older parent will get the job instead.

Now oddly, I suspect parents of under 10s would complain about being treated differently to other employees when it doesn’t benefit them. They want to be treated “identically” to the childless when it comes to hiring. But when it comes to working conditions and getting a benefit, then they want to be treated “equitably”.

This is another reason why children should be irrelevant in the workplace. The only people who are responsible for safeguarding magic are the parents. If you genuinely think that it’s a wellbeing issue then parents of under 10s have no business working these jobs, because it’s THEM that are harming their children. Not random colleague Mary who has no relationship with them and owes them bugger all.

You also said it was wrong that I worked 8 Christmases in a row @LewishamMumNow but that’s what you’re advocating for - childless people doing more Christmases because they should prioritise random children over their own families (even though their parents are allowed not to prioritise their own kids for some reason).

@LewishamMumNow I worked 8 Christmases in a row because of people who think like you do. Too right I now stick up for my “rights” as an employee, which are the ones that matter to an employer. Employers should not have any liability to or duties towards random children.

You might not like it, but I have the right to be treated fairly by my employer, and that does not equal my employer telling me I have to work 5 Christmases to Susan’s 1 because they have a duty to Susan’s children!

If children have a right to Christmas magic then it is for THEIR PARENTS to provide it, not the parents’ employers or their random colleagues.

@MumChp I don't think this is true. You have no idea how difficult it can be working a 13 hour shift as a single parent. I don't want to be negative as OP has done so well to complete a nursing degree with 5 DC!

However I actually am a single mum also work in the NHS with 0 family help. 7am starts, 8pm finishes and night shifts would not be fair on OPs children at all.

I hope OP can perhaps use her degree some how maybe a non clinical job role? But still nursing.

I think OP needs to apply for outpatients ASAP.

I’d have thought that it would be far easier for parents of young children to shift their Christmas at home to Christmas Eve or Boxing Day than it would be for an adult without kids, who is probably more likely to have to co-ordinate with other adult friends or family members & might well need to travel to spend Christmas with them.

It’s all very well saying that adults without kids should prioritise other people’s children but then there will be a constant stream of children needing to be prioritised. And then as a pp said we get to the stage of it being a valid question at the interview stage.

There are nursing positions where you don’t work Christmas Day. In gp surgeries for example. Maybe this is an option?

I’d have a discussion with your manager when you start . It won’t be forever you’re in this position and if they value you and want to keep you employed, they will find ways to support. If they don’t- work somewhere else coz they will be difficult and unsupportive all the time eg when kids are ill.

if a manager can’t show compassion and support to you after what’s happened they really shouldn’t be in charge of people. Also the harsh comments on here show how we’ve accepted just a harsh, unkind culture within NhS and some areas of nursing.

yes other people have children but not everyone has absolutely no support. Sometimes in life people need a leg up and if we can help them we should!

I wonder if these people who think creating a rota who gives in to everyone's whim, opinion and want have ever actually tried to.

Have they ever tried to be fair, reasonable and considerate to a team who are constantly asked to give give give.

I wonder if they're the ones who think 'management' have the answers to everything and can conjure answers out of thin air.

The rota is hard enough throughout the year.. Christmas and NY is a bloody nightmare.

I thank my stars I'm retired from it all.

This is absolutely ridiculous 🙄 you accuse people of being anti-parent/mother when they've been nothing of the sort, and then genuinely say that childfree people should work worse shifts. Unbelievable. 'Fair share' is absolutely not subjective in this context.

It’s unfortunate this has been derailed by an entitled parent who thinks her colleagues owe her children a “magical Christmas”. The OP isn’t in that situation. She has worked her backside off despite facing huge challenges and has achieved a degree which is amazing. She is genuinely struggling with childcare, not fussing over opening presents and stockings. @ItsSpookySeason if I were your colleague, I’d swap with you in return for a different favour. It may well be someone on your ward wants a longer summer holiday or something and they’ll be open to swapping. Your situation of 5 children and no support is unique and there will people who don’t mind helping especially if you can offer something else in return.

It’s unfortunate this has been derailed by an entitled parent who thinks her colleagues owe her children a “magical Christmas”. The OP isn’t in that situation. She has worked her backside off despite facing huge challenges and has achieved a degree which is amazing. She is genuinely struggling with childcare, not fussing over opening presents and stockings. @ItsSpookySeason if I were your colleague, I’d swap with you in return for a different favour. It may well be someone on your ward wants a longer summer holiday or something and they’ll be open to swapping. Your situation of 5 children and no support is unique and there will people who don’t mind helping especially if you can offer something else in return.

I mean when I apply for jobs I look at the job description to figure out if it's a suitable role for me. If the department was full of parents of young children that require Christmas magic would that then be written into the job description? Must be available to work every Christmas Day to "protect" other people's kids?

@MumChp Clearly I don't think children of nurses are somehow special compared to children of other people working in 24/7 services! And I agree with you about different Trusts - to work it would need to be a national policy to avoid the issues you raise.
I'm sorry you worked 8 shifts in a row - that is unfair and wrong, and not what I am proposing. But I do think you should work proportionately more (assuming you are not the parent of youngish kids) to facilitate children having Christmas with the families.
All those people saying kids are the parents responsibility, well yes, obviously, when it comes to providing presents and all the usual trimmings, but no one works in a vacuum. For children to be with their parents, the parents need to be allowed the time off work at Christmas. And yes, that involves others making sacrifices - because the well being of children involves everyone doing that.

OK, so here’s a thought. If employers know they have to treat parents of under 10s as unavailable for work on Christmas Day, then they need to ensure that their ward isn’t solely staffed by parents of under 10s. They’re under a duty to the children now remember, to safeguard their right to wellbeing magic.

That means they have to ask at hiring stage if the applicant is a parent of under 10s. And if so, a childless person or older parent will get the job instead.

Now oddly, I suspect parents of under 10s would complain about being treated differently to other employees when it doesn’t benefit them. They want to be treated “identically” to the childless when it comes to hiring. But when it comes to working conditions and getting a benefit, then they want to be treated “equitably”.

This is another reason why children should be irrelevant in the workplace. The only people who are responsible for safeguarding magic are the parents. If you genuinely think that it’s a wellbeing issue then parents of under 10s have no business working these jobs, because it’s THEM that are harming their children. Not random colleague Mary who has no relationship with them and owes them bugger all.

You also said it was wrong that I worked 8 Christmases in a row @LewishamMumNow but that’s what you’re advocating for - childless people doing more Christmases because they should prioritise random children over their own families (even though their parents are allowed not to prioritise their own kids for some reason).