New career working Christmas as single parent

Is everyone missing that she has no family and her ex is living in a different country? I’m so sure that any other single parent would not have these two additional complications. Many will have kids every other year shared with an ex and the rest will have a family member who can help?!

I’ve never worked with anyone in this particular circumstance

@Anon22224 Sadly, the OP's situation isn't unique at all. There are literally thousands of single mothers working as nurses who end up with this dilemma every year. Some beg and pray for swaps. Some call in sick. Management has to be seen as being fair. That means everyone has to take their turn because it is discrimination to expect only childfree/childless people to never have Christmas day off. They release the Christmas rota well in advance to give people the chance to find swaps or get childcare sorted. It is impossible for them to give every parent every Christmas off. All the OP can do is talk to her manager and hope she can have it off this year then get something sorted for next year.

Nice. I do bank nursing myself because 2024 NHS wards are falling apart. I wouldn't expect to have Christmas off as a new nurse but sure everyone will be happy to help if they can. In reality most wards have more than one nurse would could go with special treatment instead of paying the nanny.

We do every other Christmas Day. Staff know when it’s ’their turn’ , so there is no conflict and it’s fair for everyone. I wouldn’t do our roster any other way. It’s the same whether you have children or you don’t, because everyone has family/ loved ones. If someone wanted to work Christmas Day to help a colleague, despite working it the year before that would obviously be fine. But it would be as a result of that staff member volunteering , I’d never ask anyone to do that and I wouldn’t roster it myself and take the flack. There’s a whole team to consider. The Christmas roster angst is a tale as old as time.

I think if it ends up being a case of affordability. If the dad is not prepared to be with his children on Christmas Day then there needs to be conversations about getting some support with any associated childcare costs.

@ItsSpookySeason

Are you already working on the ward on which you might be asked to work on Christmas Day, OP?

I'm wondering whether there is someone you can at least speak to in person about your predicament. They may know more about how the ward will be staffed on that day but have yet to share that with you.

Could you do a couple of months to get the experience and then move to agency nursing? That would give you the ability to organise childcare in advance on the days you are going to be available for work . . . Not ideal, but as you say, after all of your hard work qualifying. . .
You could also look at nursing jobs in nursing homes. Being smaller organisations, there may be an element of more predictable shifts . . .

Lots of single mum nurses pay the cost of childcare at Christmas (or other sh* t days). Yes it will be more than you earn that day. But is it your coworkers problem? No. Not really.

i saw it every year then I worked at wards as a nurse. I have more than one Christmas covered for a single mum befire I had children - but it has been my choice.
Ask around - someone might be nice to help you out.

In my experience most people get their requested shifts at Christmas, and where I worked (I had no kids at the time) people were kind to each other and did shifts they thought were fair.

I have worked with minimal nurses who would not sympathise with this situation and allow OP to make it up by working other shifts that they might not want to do.

What is she supposed to do? Abandon nursing before she’s begun? I’m pretty sure a ward would rather have an extra permanent staff member and work around the Christmas Day issue than let her qualification go to waste?!

OP is not just a mum with kids she is a mum with no childcare, no family and a shitty ex husband which she did not anticipate at the start of training!!!

So all mums get Christmas off or only this one?
Sounds pretty unfair to me. No mums enjoy working at Christmas day. Lots of child less nurses miss out family time too at Christmas.

I have never met a manager sorting things this way. I had quit my job if things were sorted like that. Enough jobs around wards to find one with a Christmas rota for all nurses.

OP will just need one Christmas off then I expect will switch to 9-5. She’s not getting it off because she has children but because she’s been left through no fault of her own in an extremely unique position of being a single mum with no family and therefore no childcare on one day of the year

I dont know why I feel so strongly about this but it seems everyone is being really unfair on poor OP!

If I had worked the previous Christmas day and you rostered me to work Christmas again, to accommodate someone else, I’d take it further. I have kids too.

I’ve also been a nurse manager and I would absolutely give you the day off and take the flack for it. Usually you either work Christmas or new year, I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

I’m not a nurse but I absolutely would begrudge a colleague getting Christmas off every year because they had children. I worked my fair share of our Christmas & BH rota and would not do more than that.

It’s very difficult to get a job other than shift work on wards in your first year being qualified, we are crying out for nurses and OP should be welcomed with open arms and flexibility given for her unique situation.

i can guarantee that other single parents of 5 would not have completed a nursing degree, so for her to have done this and be willing to be so flexible and have managed to secure childcare for all the crazy shifts surely she should be given every bit of lee way she can!

This isn’t true though. When a job is advertised it is made clear if the service is 24/7, year round, including bank holidays. If you can’t fulfil that requirement, you don’t apply for the job. You also sign a contract agreeing to the terms and conditions of the role. Most contracts actually include cross site working now foo.

I think it’s crazy that this wouldn’t be taken into consideration! I’m a nurse and always voluntarily did Christmas to prevent those with young kids having to work. Christmas is so special age 4-9ish and I would have hated a parent to miss out on one of these 5 Christmas days!

I’ve also been a nurse manager and I would absolutely give you the day off and take the flack for it. Usually you either work Christmas or new year, I’m sure you could find childcare for new year so no one would begrudge you

I mean there’s literally nothing you can do about this situation - you just can’t work it!

Hope you don’t get any flack for it and can enjoy Christmas, good luck with starting nursing - well done for sticking it out with 5 kids and a horrible ex. Try and pick a speciality in your first 12 months and get a 9-5 as others have suggested, the wards are hard work as a singleton let alone with any other responsibilities

It might be worth asking whether any colleague also working has an abandoned family member(s) who could help. It couldn't just be anyone, as they'd need to be able to cope with five kids, but you never know.

There probably is someone around who would be happy to work Christmas day looking after kids (perhaps someone whose kids have gone to the non-resident parent for Christmas), but it's finding them that's the problem.

Do management take individual circumstances into account when sorting shift allocations

I work for the Police and the only thing management (rightly) take into account when doing Christmas rotas is who got it off last year.

We've already been asked our Christmas preferences for this year. There'll only be a couple allowed off so they'll check who was allowed it off last year & they won't be eligible this year. The people who worked last year will be names in a hat. Family circumstances aren't factored in at all. Which is how it should be. People who don't have children still have family they want to spend the day with.

Can you work in a gp surgery which are closed on Christmas Day and usual bank holidays?

@ItsSpookySeason

As it's such a crucial moment in your career, would your sister be able to come to stay for Christmas? I know that she would probably not want any money, but could you offer her travel costs plus, say, £250?

It will be such a shame if this stops you advancing in your nursing career.

I think as others have mentioned the best thing you can do is look for work as a nurse in a GP surgery, in the Outpatients department or a day ward. It’s unrealistic to expect to have every Christmas or bank holiday off or not do night shifts or early shifts on a normal ward and as you say childcare provisions are pretty much nonexistent at those times.

I hope you find something suitable.

You’re a star, thank you!