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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by people's reactions.

243 replies

ZebraGiraffe12 · 28/07/2024 14:33

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 28/07/2024 16:59

No, I give my GCs their own Christmas presents. I’m not funding a family holiday.🙄

ColinMyWifeBridgerton · 28/07/2024 16:56

So cheeky. Why should they fund your holiday, that they're not even a part of? This makes sense as a decision between the adults who are paying and going on the holiday anyway. Then you're basically saying, let's save the money and all spend it on this holiday which we all enjoy more than the presents. It absolutely makes no sense to try and include other people in this.

Your MIL can give her grandkids Christmas presents, what next!

EI12 · 28/07/2024 16:52

Crass to be begging for money for your holidays, either under the guise of not wanting Christmas presents or any other way. Same as a self-pay bar at a wedding. Crass as a wedding list at a shop.

OldTinHat · 28/07/2024 16:51

Wtf? If your DC are 1 and 4, you're going steal Christmas and the magic of FC away from them, just so you can top up your tan in the summer??

No. Just no.

Do what the rest of us did, a cheap caravan holiday which makes so many memories. My adult DC talk about those far more than the two times I took them abroad.

CatrionaBalfour · 28/07/2024 16:48

neverbeenskiing · 28/07/2024 16:39

It's not remotely "old school" to want to buy your GC a Christmas present.

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Exactly

LBFseBrom · 28/07/2024 16:44

MounjaroUser · 28/07/2024 14:34

You can't be angry with her for wanting to give her grandchildren a present at Christmas!

What kind of difference would her gift make anyway?

I agree. It is quite natural and normal to give presents to grandchildren and thy generally like opening them. When they are more grown up, they are more likely to want money but it won't be towards a holiday with parents! Parents pay for holidays.

Let her give her grandchildren what she wants to give.

neverbeenskiing · 28/07/2024 16:39

Iwasafool · 28/07/2024 16:33

Some Grandmas might b old school not all of us.

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It's not remotely "old school" to want to buy your GC a Christmas present.

zzar45 · 28/07/2024 16:39

@fiorentina I don’t understand people who insist on buying others random gifts. Whilst I’m always polite, it’s better they gift something the recipient would love/appreciate.

What makes you think a 1 and 4 year old would appreciate a flight to Spain in 7 months time rather than a Lego on Christmas Day?

Ohlittleone · 28/07/2024 16:38

I don't think that you can ask this of others. We made a similar decision ourselves a couple of years ago to forego Christmas presents and take a holiday with the money we would have spent instead, but that's only amongst us as an immediate family. It didn't even cross my mind to say to other family members to contribute to these holidays instead of physical gifts.

ummbrella · 28/07/2024 16:38

Iwasafool · 28/07/2024 16:35

I suppose it depends what you value, we do lots of Christmas stuff, it isn't always about having piles of stuff.

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We don’t have piles of stuff either. Never have. But we can afford both presents and to go on a holiday.

Appledoughnut · 28/07/2024 16:38

Fluufer · 28/07/2024 16:32

You said "a pile". If it's a pile, it's mass consumption. Some presents is fine, but lots of kids these end up with an absolute mountain of plastic tat that they play with for 20 minutes. And as this thread demonstrates, parents can't say no thanks.

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I'm pretty sure three things can make a pile...

Iwasafool · 28/07/2024 16:35

ummbrella · 28/07/2024 16:32

But the 1-year old won’t ever get to have that experience. And the 4-year old is pretty young and might not remember that feeling when older. They are not old enough to decide a thing like this. It’s a very unfair decision.

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I suppose it depends what you value, we do lots of Christmas stuff, it isn't always about having piles of stuff.

Delphiniumandlupins · 28/07/2024 16:34

You think your MiL is unreasonable because she's not listening to you but you're not listening to her either. Watching grandchildren open Christmas presents is a great joy for many of us, gifts we have chosen, purchased and wrapped. "Thanks for paying towards my flight next July" isn't the same as "Help me build my rocket, ride my bicycle".

ummbrella · 28/07/2024 16:33

Fluufer · 28/07/2024 16:30

Of course I did as a child. I still don't agree that it's necessary, or good for them. Mass consumption isn't a great source of joy to instil in a child.

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Why do you assume it’s mass consumption?

Iwasafool · 28/07/2024 16:33

maria2bela1 · 28/07/2024 15:56

Grandmas are old school and she may feel like you're children are missing out on the excitement of waking up and opening everyone's gifts, and instead saying 'well we have a holiday booked next year' some people don't think that would be very Christmassy for your kids, and you can't impose your idea of a gift on others.

Some Grandmas might b old school not all of us.

Prisonbreak · 28/07/2024 16:33

This isn’t real 😂😂

Fluufer · 28/07/2024 16:32

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2024 16:31

It doesn't have to be mass consumption

My favourites were my dolls' pram, books and felt tip pens

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You said "a pile". If it's a pile, it's mass consumption. Some presents is fine, but lots of kids these end up with an absolute mountain of plastic tat that they play with for 20 minutes. And as this thread demonstrates, parents can't say no thanks.

ummbrella · 28/07/2024 16:32

Iwasafool · 28/07/2024 16:29

I'm not dictating to anyone just pointing out all the worries about children being unhappy with this arrangement won't necessarily be the case.

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But the 1-year old won’t ever get to have that experience. And the 4-year old is pretty young and might not remember that feeling when older. They are not old enough to decide a thing like this. It’s a very unfair decision.

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2024 16:31

Fluufer · 28/07/2024 16:30

Of course I did as a child. I still don't agree that it's necessary, or good for them. Mass consumption isn't a great source of joy to instil in a child.

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It doesn't have to be mass consumption

My favourites were my dolls' pram, books and felt tip pens

DancingLions · 28/07/2024 16:31

You’re a CF.
The kids absolutely should not be paying for their own holiday FGS. Which is essentially what you’re suggesting.

Its interesting now that some parents are so against their DC having toys, or “tat” as they like to call it, then can’t understand why those kids then spend all their time on screens as they get older. Playing is an important part of a child’s development. They don’t need mountains of toys but they need at least some!

Bournetilly · 28/07/2024 16:30

SamW98 · 28/07/2024 16:09

They’re 1 and 4 according to another thread the OP started

Im sure their input was invaluable

Edited
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Wow that’s awful then! Not sure how they decided as a family including the kids if they are 1 and 4. What a way to ruin Christmas for them too.

Fluufer · 28/07/2024 16:30

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2024 16:27

Did you never love coming down on Christmas morning to a pile of presents?

I did and I remember some of them from 60+ years ago!

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Of course I did as a child. I still don't agree that it's necessary, or good for them. Mass consumption isn't a great source of joy to instil in a child.

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2024 16:30

@ZebraGiraffe12 having seen what you both earn you have a bloody cheek!

You can afford a very nice holiday without your children paying towards it

Iwasafool · 28/07/2024 16:29

Bluebirdover · 28/07/2024 15:46

You don't get to dictate to people they find a holiday, it's their choice!

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I'm not dictating to anyone just pointing out all the worries about children being unhappy with this arrangement won't necessarily be the case.

CatrionaBalfour · 28/07/2024 16:28

Me too, @Nanny0gg ! I also remember my children enjoying it too. They're adults now, those times are so precious.