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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by people's reactions.

243 replies

ZebraGiraffe12 · 28/07/2024 14:33

My family and I have just got back from an amazing 2 weeks in Spain. Whilst there we as a family (including the kids) decided to stop doing Christmas presents minus a small present from me and my husband. We've said we don't want any presents from family and instead we want money to be added to our family holiday fund so we can enjoy a big summer holiday every year. I know some people don't like to give money but for us it makes the most sense.

I've spoken to most people and they've said its a great idea. However, my MIL has refused. She said she is not seeing her grandchildren go without presents and we are selfish to expect them to. AIBU to be angry with her for not listening.

OP posts:
Sahara123 · 28/07/2024 14:51

Whothefuckdoesthat · 28/07/2024 14:42

I think yabu. Purely because you cannot dictate to people what they give you as a gift. It’s incredibly rude.

Also, I think you might be underestimating how disappointed your DC might be when they come downstairs Christmas morning and find only one token gift to open. It’s very easy for them to agree to it while they’re sat in the sun, having a lovely time, but come Christmas, their decision might be different.

Out of curiosity, what would you have done if one child had declined and said they’d prefer receiving presents?

Yes, I agree, I cant imagine many children of all ages really being happy on Christmas morning with one token present.

Also, does this mean you buy them toys/ makeup/games throughout the year , depending on ages ? Or would they just not have toys

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 28/07/2024 14:48

Jesus wept. A quick AS shows your kids are 1 and 4. And you and your husband earn a huge amount.

Why would you say ‘we decided along with the kids’. Your 4 year old might think it’s a great idea now but come Christmas they won’t. How did your one (maybe just 2) year old have an opinion on this that you thought was well thought out and wouldn’t be regretted?

Or is this something where you reveal it’s actually your husbands ex that has asked this or something?

SeeSeeRider · 28/07/2024 14:46

Rude and grabby.

Bonjovispjs · 28/07/2024 14:46

No way would I be paying for your holiday.

DojaPhat · 28/07/2024 14:45

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 28/07/2024 14:42

I am actually confused by this.

Say your kids have £300 spent on them for Christmas, from everyone? You want that £300 to go, not to the kids. But to you so you can afford a family holiday? So the kids are essentially paying towards it?

Yes. This exactly. Not sure this all really stacks up, you can't expect your kids to forgo Xmas presents to foot their seat on the pane.

Longhotsummers · 28/07/2024 14:44

You are being rude and grabby expecting cash in lieu of gifts for your DC. You cannot dictate what others do and your “angry” reaction is concerning.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 28/07/2024 14:44

I think its weird. My husband and I will book experience type gifts for one another but I'd feel like a cheeky twat expecting our parents or anyone else to pay for our holidays. You can say your preference is cash but you can't insist on it!

It's also crap for your children, who essentially are missing out on presents to your benefit.

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/07/2024 14:43

Yeah I understand where you are coming from but as PPs have said you can’t prevent a grandparent from buying presents for their grandchildren. Put like this it comes across as cheeky and controlling.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 28/07/2024 14:42

I think yabu. Purely because you cannot dictate to people what they give you as a gift. It’s incredibly rude.

Also, I think you might be underestimating how disappointed your DC might be when they come downstairs Christmas morning and find only one token gift to open. It’s very easy for them to agree to it while they’re sat in the sun, having a lovely time, but come Christmas, their decision might be different.

Out of curiosity, what would you have done if one child had declined and said they’d prefer receiving presents?

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 28/07/2024 14:42

I am actually confused by this.

Say your kids have £300 spent on them for Christmas, from everyone? You want that £300 to go, not to the kids. But to you so you can afford a family holiday? So the kids are essentially paying towards it?

OlympicsFanGirl · 28/07/2024 14:41

Gawd that's so cheeky.

I'd not be impressed if my family members expected me to fund their summer holidays.

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 28/07/2024 14:39

How old are your kids?

I think you can ask people to give cash instead of gifts you can’t insist on it.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/07/2024 14:38

While I'm not a fan of buying tat for the sake of buying tat asking for money at Christmas won't go down well with everyone.

Bluevelvetsofa · 28/07/2024 14:37

You are unreasonable to be angry with her for disagreeing with you.

Screamingabdabz · 28/07/2024 14:37

Part of what is nice about being a grandparent (I imagine) is treating your grandkids, especially at Christmas. It’s a bit entitled to dictate to others what they can gift your DC just so that you can enjoy a summer holiday off their generosity. It’s bordering on CF territory. YABU.

CelesteCunningham · 28/07/2024 14:37

I think both of us our mothers would be upset to be asked not to give our DC a physical present for Christmas. They'd probably go along with it, but they wouldn't like it.

What age are DC?

Georgie743 · 28/07/2024 14:36

You can't dictate what people buy you/your kids! Of course you can suggest that you want a certain item, or or cash, or nothing at all, or suggest something as a family (like secret Santa) but you can't just demand something and get angry if someone doesn't agree!

MounjaroUser · 28/07/2024 14:34

You can't be angry with her for wanting to give her grandchildren a present at Christmas!

What kind of difference would her gift make anyway?