The standards of being nice is commonly lower between siblings

things will be better when you move out, OP.

Me and my little sister were always arguing, physically lashing out at eachother even. We each have a scar the other gave us! Always winding eachother up. Then I moved out.

We'd still had some quite close-to-the-bone banter when I came home but we also became the best of friends. We'd now definitely not be mean to eachother - but we are in our 50s!

This.

It has been explained better than I can, here on P2, by @CleftChin @sugarbyebye @Turophilic and @TheHuntSyndicate

its not ok.. allowing siblings to be mean to one another just breeds issues later in life.

Not in my experience it doesn't. It teaches negotiation, and resilience, and all sorts of things. My dc fought as children, but couldn't be closer now they are adults. Same with me and my siblings. We have no 'issues'.

Of course you can be blunter with siblings than with friends or strangers. You’ve known each other inside and out your whole lives, presumably battled frequently, and love them as well as sometimes wanting to kill them. You are competitors and allies at the same time.

No other relationship is quite like it.

You definitely snaffled the big piece of cake, didn’t you, OP 😉

I wouldn't say it's universally true across all families but I'd say things to my siblings I wouldn't say to anyone else because I'm secure in the relationship between us.

I'm from a very close knit family. My sisters and my brother are my dearest friends. Along with my sister in law.

We are also all outspoken and don't sugar coat things and not once has bluntness or being outspoken with each other has caused a problem or a rift.

We all live and respect each other and being truthful and no bullshitting with each other.

Todays world seems to be many people getting upset with 'hurty' words instead of accepting that loved ones only have their best interests at heart and the truth is always better than a lie.

Of course if the 'hurty' words come from a place of maliciousness then you can choose to oust that person from your life.

I'm more honest with my siblings. I wouldn't describe it as being mean. I expect them to give me it straight up, and vice versa, as it's a lifelong relationship and we know each other very well. With my friends I'm more likely to only give honest feedback if they directly ask for it. It's just a different kind of relationship - one you've been handed vs one you've chosen.

I think it's familiarity - the whole, 'I can call my brother an idiot, but if I hear you doing it you'll have me to deal with' thing.

On the other end of it, there's going to be things that I'd do for siblings that I'd be unlikely to do for friends - eg. lend 1000s, or donate a kidney, or whatever. - and not because we're close - I've certainly gone months, maybe even years without talking to one sibling or another (busy, living in different places) - it's because they're family, which (at least in my family) is a notch closer than friends.

I am the oldest of three and my feelings/belongings/personal space were never respected and my middle sister was allowed to be vile to me.

We have resolved our difficulties in adulthood and are close now but I am fierce in ensuring my children don’t behave similarly.

My mum’s poor parenting ruined parts of my childhood. I won’t let the same happen to my children.

I think that in general boundaries are different with people you’ve grown up with - these are people who know all those weird little family things that nobody else does. You share parents and a childhood. It’s just a different relationship from the relationship you have with friends, I think.

Yes I do unfortunately and its always put down to "sibling rivalry"

By whom, your parents or your sibling?

Either way, it sounds like something you'll have to put up with, or move out earlier than planned I'm afraid.

This is the oddest thread

It would be incredibly impolite to call out a stranger or friend for greediness, your family is a completely different matter.

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope that you’re able to move out soon! (Or that they do.)

Are you still in the same boat now?

Do you still live at home with your siblings?

If not, and they're treating you badly, go low or no contact.

Absolutely, I’ve seen this. As the eldest I was expected to put up with physical violence and being called all sorts of names from my siblings, because I “knew better” and “needed to set an example”.

Oddly I’m not close to my siblings now!

Huh? Exactly that.

It's more understandable to be mean to your siblings rather than your friends, because you don't choose your siblings and you might hate/really dislike them.

So no-one thinks it's ok, but many can see it's more understandable.

I don’t know anyone who’s mean to their siblings and also don’t know anyone who thinks it’s ok.

I've never met anyone who considers it more ok.

Just more understandable.

its not ok.. allowing siblings to be mean to one another just breeds issues later in life.

nip it in the bud!

It's considered quite normal here to treat your family badly and expect to be forgiven because "blood is thicker than water" etc. My partner's brother is awful and would never treat his friends the way he treats his brother.

I try to impress on my children it should be the other way round - family should be treated well and respected. Doesn't work though, familiarity breeds contempt and all that.