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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have changed my mind about letting some people stay in our house while we are away

114 replies

noschoolmumrun · 28/07/2024 12:18

One of the school mums posted on a WhatsApp chat asking if anyone could help put her in laws up while they visited the UK from South Africa. It would be for a week.
Upshot is - I'm not feeling right now that our house is tidy/organised enough to offer to anyone else - let alone people we don't know.
She is coming round to look at our house this afternoon and I think I need to put her off.
I'm struggling a bit mentally with stuff and it's become another worry.

OP posts:
Runsyd · 28/07/2024 14:47

Unless they're paying you, I wouldn't even consider it. Way too much potential for cheeky fuckery.

PBandJ111 · 28/07/2024 14:42

Say your house insurance won’t permit it.

drane · 28/07/2024 14:37

Bellyblueboy · 28/07/2024 14:25

cheeky or odd? The lady is too cheap to pay for accommodation for her relatives so asked if anyone was willing to put hem up for free?

it’s really quite odd to request such a huge favour from a group of people she doesn’t seem to know very well.

Show quote history

I guess it is odd but no one is obliged to reply to it. I'm more confused at the OP for saying yes

VividQuoter · 28/07/2024 14:26

Another reason to happily coast alone to school and back with just my child in mind and no one else's ridiculous issues like these ones.

Notaboozy · 28/07/2024 14:25

Oh God just say no now - sounds like it's still early on in process

Bellyblueboy · 28/07/2024 14:25

drane · 28/07/2024 14:19

I can't imagine in a million years offering this. I think it's fine for the woman to ask (since it was a general request and not aimed at a specific person I don't think it's cheeky), but I'm gobsmacked that anyone would say yes to offering your home to the extended family of a random acquaintance.

cheeky or odd? The lady is too cheap to pay for accommodation for her relatives so asked if anyone was willing to put hem up for free?

it’s really quite odd to request such a huge favour from a group of people she doesn’t seem to know very well.

drane · 28/07/2024 14:19

I can't imagine in a million years offering this. I think it's fine for the woman to ask (since it was a general request and not aimed at a specific person I don't think it's cheeky), but I'm gobsmacked that anyone would say yes to offering your home to the extended family of a random acquaintance.

Elsewhere123 · 28/07/2024 14:12

Plague of bedbugs discovered.

VenusClapTrap · 28/07/2024 14:11

I was in this position and I just said sorry, circs have changed and we can no longer offer our house.

It’s not that unusual a situation, for those on the thread who are horrified. Lots of people use house sitters when they go away, and it can feel safer letting a friend (or family member) of a friend stay, rather than a complete stranger.

Someone has posted a similar request on our village WhatsApp this week.

Sassybooklover · 28/07/2024 14:00

So you offered your home up for consideration, and your school Mum friend is coming to view this afternoon, to see if it's suitable? If this is the case, then simply message to say that you're sorry to mess her around but you will no longer be able to offer your home to her relatives, so therefore you are cancelling. On a personal level, there is no way, I'd be offering my home to people, I don't know and have never met. There must be hotels or Airbnb these relatives can stay, within the area.

Tagyoureit · 28/07/2024 13:58

Here you go!

To have changed my mind about letting some people stay in our house while we are away
RoseMarigoldViolet · 28/07/2024 13:58

Honestly, I think you should go ahead with it. You offered and she is relying on you. Maybe explain your circumstances and ask if she would pay for a cleaner before they arrive?

Fuzziduck · 28/07/2024 13:57

Why on earth did you say yes?? They can inconvenience themselves and put them up, or sort a hotel.

Just message and say the situation has changed and your house is not available.
Send a link to vrbo and booking.com with your response.
DO NOT get railroaded into doing it. Something that asks for this type of favour, plus, comes to check on the offer beforehand will absolutely have no issue in pushing you into it now she knows it's empty.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 28/07/2024 13:56

Lots of people here are saying that the SA person was unreasonable to ask for offers, but in the culture that I come from this would be perfectly normal. And in the UK area that I live now it has also happened in the school community.

YourWildAmberSloth · 28/07/2024 13:56

That is a big big ask OP, have you asked yourself why you offered in the first place? Another poster asked about being a people pleaser - could that be the case?

Bumcake · 28/07/2024 13:54

Tightfishedtwat · 28/07/2024 13:16

Why is she coming to look at the house? To see if it's up to standard?

Wouldn’t you in her shoes? It might be a hovel, or have a spiral staircase or whatever.

NeedToChangeName · 28/07/2024 13:53

I once hosted my boyfriend's friend's mum's friends. They were delightful, paid me a modest amount, they were no trouble at all. Win win all round

So, the WA Mum wasn't unreasonable to ask

And OP was under no obligation to agree

If you have committed to host, I think YABU to leave them in the lurch

I'm surprised how many people are suggesting you back out

Bur, people are generally more flaky now, I think

TwiceAsLikely · 28/07/2024 13:42

I don't think you should stress yourself over someone else's MIL. You probably have your own one already. Take it easy on yourself. You sound nice and you don't need this added stress.

alrightluv · 28/07/2024 13:42

I'm a very kind person but even I think this is batshit. Definitely back out.

MassiveOvaryaction · 28/07/2024 13:34

This is weird. I'd maybe consider it in an emergency for a good friend (and have had friends who are nicer tidier than me do it for other friends), but for a random school mum? No chance.

Why can't the in-laws stay with her anyway?

diddl · 28/07/2024 13:27

Help someone put up her ILs?????

I'd be reluctant to put up my own for a week!

Why aren't they staying with her?

Bushmillsbabe · 28/07/2024 13:25

If she has never been to your house, then she clearly isn't a close friend. And even then I wouldn't let their relatives stay there, who I had never met.
I once let a friend and her girls who had to leave home suddenly due to DV stay in our home whilst we were away for 2weeks to give her time to get herself sorted with a rental. That was an emergency, and someone I knew well and knew would be respectful. You don't know these people, it doesn't sound like it was an emergency.
Why can't the in laws stay with the mum who made the request?

SeeSeeRider · 28/07/2024 13:25

Is this a school hols one?

pinkyredrose · 28/07/2024 13:24

Why on earth would you even propose the possibility?

SeeSeeRider · 28/07/2024 13:21

Kitkat1523 · 28/07/2024 12:23

You offered your home to a school mum for her family memember???? Absolutely no fecking way ….only my children or my mum could stay at mine when I’m away…..not even other family …just say no

Yes. Are you MAD? Back out FAST.