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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have changed my mind about letting some people stay in our house while we are away

114 replies

noschoolmumrun · 28/07/2024 12:18

One of the school mums posted on a WhatsApp chat asking if anyone could help put her in laws up while they visited the UK from South Africa. It would be for a week.
Upshot is - I'm not feeling right now that our house is tidy/organised enough to offer to anyone else - let alone people we don't know.
She is coming round to look at our house this afternoon and I think I need to put her off.
I'm struggling a bit mentally with stuff and it's become another worry.

OP posts:
Wtafdidido · 28/07/2024 17:01

This will probably negate your home insurance if you are not in the property at the same time and could be an issue for your mortgage provider should anything go wrong. Explain to them that having looked at your insurance this is no longer possible and anyway wtaf they want to use your home but are coming to inspect it first???

ebadame · 28/07/2024 16:58

If she gets to inspect your place then you can also day no at this point but work on yourself it's unfair to commit to things then back out

OldTinHat · 28/07/2024 16:57

How much are they paying? That's what would or wouldn't motivate me.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 28/07/2024 16:56

WaltzingWaters · 28/07/2024 12:29

It’s crazy that someone would ask that in the first place. And I’d never agree to complete and utter strangers staying in my house. But I guess it depends how long there is until they’re supposed to be arriving as to how unreasonable it would be to back out now. If they’ve plenty of time to find an affordable alternative then fine. If they’re arriving tomorrow and all reasonable accommodation options are fully booked it would be a bit shit.

This, I can't believe people even asked that of someone who is just an acquaintance.

PadstowGirl · 28/07/2024 16:46

I'm guessing you are going away for a holiday and thought they could stay in your empty home without thinking through the implications of having to clean it top to bottom.
I've done this several times with my international cousins but it's hard work cleaning everything and changing beds whilst packing for a holiday.

Just text her and use the classic "I'm sorry but the arrangement no longer works for us"

If you stat to conjure up problems like bed bugs or insurance issues they'll start to find solutions like "we will pay for pest control or additional insurance".

Apologise and back out.

Viviennemary · 28/07/2024 16:44

Sounds like nothing has yet been agreed. Make up a tale like your house insurance won't be valid.

JMSA · 28/07/2024 16:27

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This ridiculous over reaction says more about you than it does anyone else.

marshmallowmix · 28/07/2024 16:25

Just say sorry it’s not possible now …cheeky to ask in the first place …total strangers in your home nope!!

JMSA · 28/07/2024 16:25

Why are some people frothing at the mouth about this? Grin
No one was held at gunpoint to say yes, and presumably there was a cash incentive which led the OP to say yes in the first place.

azlazee1 · 28/07/2024 16:21

Why not contact her before she comes over and just tell her you've had a change of heart.

Sparkletastic · 28/07/2024 16:20

Send text

'I'm sorry I've realised this arrangement doesn't work for me'

GirlOfThe70s · 28/07/2024 16:18

And if they flood your bathroom or set fire to the kitchen, would your home insurance not be invalidated?

Bellyblueboy · 28/07/2024 16:08

muddyford · 28/07/2024 14:49

When my friend visited relations in Australia they hardly ever paid for accommodation. They almost always house-sat for friends, neighbours or acquaintances of the relations. It was security for the house owners and cheaper for my friend. They fed pets, watered the gardens and generally kept things ticking over.

Great. OP doesn’t want house sitters though. Still not sure why she offered.

IVbumble · 28/07/2024 15:35

Anyone is allowed to change their mind about anything at any point.

lefthandedcat · 28/07/2024 15:30

Tagyoureit has the answer - you 'have' covid.

swayingpalmtree · 28/07/2024 15:27

This is exactly why people pleasing benefits absolutely noone.

You end up agreeing to things you dont really want to do
They end up with high expectations
You then end up having to let them down which causes even more stress to everyone than if you'd just simply said no in the first place

When are they arriving? if they're arriving in a few days then YABU to back out now
If they are arriving in a couple of weeks or more then simply say its no longer convenient for you but you need to tell her ASAP.

Regardless of whether she's cheeky or not, you agreed to it and now you'll have to deal with backing out of it. Stop saying yes to people when you arent 100% sure!!

Starlingexpress · 28/07/2024 15:25

Yet another reason to avoid the school WA group.

TossieFleacake · 28/07/2024 15:22

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This is a bit harsh.

Can't believe that people like this exist???

She is changing her mind about strangers staying in her house, not planning a mass shooting.

I should imagine OP is quite safe to raise children.

MounjaroUser · 28/07/2024 15:17

Just tell her asap. Don't even let her come to your house to check it over. Just say you're sorry, but you can't do it now. No need to give an explanation.

AzureAnt · 28/07/2024 15:16

This is CFery at it's finest. Have these people not heard of hotels?

ginslinger · 28/07/2024 15:15

I completely understand you changing your mind but you need to tell her now.
I've let friends of friends stay in my house. I've stayed in houses of people I don't know. It seems to be acceptable in my friendship group/neighbourhood. I'm glad if someone can be in my house while i'm away and water my plants and keep the burglars at bay without it costing me anything. I've had some lovely gifts in exchange. One family sent a case of champagne and another left a £200 voucher for a local restaurant that we had recommended to them.

Bushmillsbabe · 28/07/2024 15:12

RoseMarigoldViolet · 28/07/2024 13:58

Honestly, I think you should go ahead with it. You offered and she is relying on you. Maybe explain your circumstances and ask if she would pay for a cleaner before they arrive?

I tend to agree with you, if you offer, you don't just pull out because you fancy it.

But it sounds like it's not fully agreed anyway, if the other school mum is coming round to check it will suit her in laws, she may decide it doesn't, and if was OP, I would do whatever I could to make her think that it wouldn't suit them.

Longhotsummers · 28/07/2024 14:57

Our neighbours asked the same knowing we would be away for a fortnight, and were quite put out when I said no. Their relatives booked an airbnb in the end, which is what people on holiday do!

CoolShoeshine · 28/07/2024 14:55

What's actually for you in this arrangement op? Say no now

muddyford · 28/07/2024 14:49

When my friend visited relations in Australia they hardly ever paid for accommodation. They almost always house-sat for friends, neighbours or acquaintances of the relations. It was security for the house owners and cheaper for my friend. They fed pets, watered the gardens and generally kept things ticking over.