To be pissed off about this?

Either you politely tell them straight “actually we earn very similar amounts so he’s just as lucky as I am” or you don’t let their incorrect assumptions bother you.

I'm in a similar situation but I just politely smile, I don't say anything.

I'm a very confrontational and direct person normally, but this is the one situation I don't say anything.

Because I know it turns into:

• "can I have/borrow some money, you're loaded" (I'm not a millionaire or anything)
• "you're lucky not to have money problems" (long rant about their money problems)
• "can you buy [random expensive item]" as a gift/when out.
• "no one needs to get you a Christmas present, but you should buy for the in-laws entire extended family including a million grandchildren you don't know, and you should spend more on them than others do because you can afford it."
• [random remarks that indicate they're resentful, even though they'd never work the hours I do or sacrifice the things I've sacrificed to be where I am]
• and repeat every time you see them

In reality it's even worse because I look young (I'm not, so it's horrible seeing their faces because they're clearly thinking "god she's old" when they find out), so half the time I don't even get "must be nice he gave you a job in the business, he does all the work though doesn't he" (it's my business ideas, joint execution, and we are equal partners and do the same hours). Instead I get "must be nice to have rich parents."

People just don't like other people being successful. Once we have - finally - got through the list of, no my partner and I built our business together, no we didn't have parents fund it, no we didn't get investors, yes I do look young, they just hate you even more. They just can't justify hating you which makes them even more annoyed.

And the parent thing hits a nerve with me because I haven't spoken to my (abusive) parents in 10 years and they had nothing to do with my businesses or anything else I've done.

Grass is always greener.

It's all we, us etc and he's even said that I earn more.

So are they 1. forgetting and asking again or 2. different members of your family asking?

Being from an “older generation “ doesn’t mean that you’re told once, twice, multiple times that it’s not the case and yet you still crack on, despite the person ie you, clearly not happy is thoughtless and rude

babe? shudder

mind you…the thought of putting up with what you have been putting up with this from family makes me shudder too

It’s actually made me quite cross reading this - as I used to get similar-ish comments, but that was about 20 years ago!

It was pretty obvious which one of us was earning the money I would have thought, simply by what we did for a living…and I was earning at least 5 times that of my husband. We were having major works done on the house, and the architect knew what my job was (I was away a lot), but still he did things like submitting planning details with just my husband’s name on - I had to tell him to re-submit as the house belonged to me, in my sole name, and in fact my maiden name. He had just assumed, and not bothered to ask.

When I told the builders (nicely, I hope!) that, for instance, they were putting a drain in the wrong place, they said they would have to ask my husband as he was the one paying for it! Bloody annoying. If they said things like that, of course I put them straight and usually they just looked annoyed rather than being apologetic!

Plus other assumptions from (my husband’s) family. They should have known better, they knew exactly what he was earning as he worked for them! - so how the hell did they think he could afford what we were doing to the house? Such old-fashioned attitudes.

Exactly. Shuts it down then. Really, he should be saying it since he seems content for people to think he's paying for everything.

I got a complaint from someone on a jacket I was wearing. Said that husband must have forked out a bit for it. I had no bones in telling him I earn my own money.

I would have a ready response " no we pay equally " say it every time and ask dh to
Say it too.

so if told repeatedly that wrong
and they continue to do this
then it’s because they sense it antagonises you OP (which in itself is a bit “thick” IMP to do this to family or indeed anyone)

Hey @Newbie8918 you just want the recognition. I get that. It's crass of people to assume it's the DH who's paying for it all when actually you're a team. But it goes further than that when they're making a joke out of the assumption you're the weaker partner. And of course we're all so trained not to 'boast' or be forward in any way.

I'd have to counter this with some blindingly clever comeback Every Single Time. Something like: you know it's not 1924 right?

i doubt they’ll know what “misogyny” means

you said he encouraged the idea that you are dealing with the admin of the project

very much indicating he’s the one providing the finance

but if he does correct them

then your family is a bit… thick? and / or knows it antagonises you but the steaming look on your face so carry on doing it

Pure class.

I think you need to be more blunt as you/DH correcting them as you are doing now is not working. This would drive me mad and I would bluntly say we both work and provide for all this thank you very much.

I just reply to that type of remark 'nice misogyny there, maybe you could work on that'.

Someone turned to DH directly and said 'that must be costing you a pretty penny DH name'. It's weird for me to correct that with 'costing us.....' but the assumption was the same.*

But why on earth didn’t your husband say something?! Especially as you are pissed off about it!

This is such a weird thing to be cross about when neither of you are prepared to do anything to stop it!

exactly

when married my DH earned 4x what i earned

I didn’t pay for a thing!

No comment. Not one. Ever.

Say something

Change opinions

Combat ingrained misogyny even if it embarrasses people.

It might make them stop and think.

I've had all sorts like that said to me. I always correct it.

ah so your DH basically totally instigates and encourages this

DH problem