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AIBU?

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Original poster

Comparison is the thief of joy

30 replies

Penel0pepitst0p · 28/07/2024 08:51

SIL and I have 2.5 year olds that were born a week apart. My DD is struggling to meet developmental milestones, particularly her speech, which we are paying for private SALT sessions to help with. She barely says 5 words and as a result can be very frustrated and hard work.

My DN is very bright and articulate, and I love her very much, however it absolutely breaks me when my SIL posts daily videos to the family chat of the newest song/word/things she’s learned. I already know that IABU as it’s not my SIL or DN’s fault that my DD is struggling, and her achievements shouldn’t be diminished just because of my DD, but wow comparison really is the thief of joy.

I’m finding family gatherings hard too as my SIL will get DN to show everyone the latest thing she has learned, and rightly so as she must be very proud of her, meanwhile I cry most evenings as I just want to hear my DD call me mummy. Any advice on how I can stop this jealousy and bitterness as I’m feeling like a shitty person and auntie.

OP posts:
Shaketherombooga · 28/07/2024 09:11

Having someone post their kid everyday on the family chat would drive me mad, and for that alone I would mute it and maybe take a look every couple of weeks.
If something actually important is happening someone will message you separately and say - did you see the thing on the grp chat about x,y,z??

Polarnight · 28/07/2024 09:10

I don't believe comparison is the thief of joy.

How do we know Usain Bolt is fast? Because everyone else is slower. We make sense of the world and gauge standards by comparison.

Having said that your DD is only very little - there is enough time for her to catch up.

I'd imagine everyone else is bored on the family whatsapp by the daily videos of her dd. That's excessive. When my sister did that i used to leave it just long enough for he rto think I'd watched it and just say cute and delete it- I many others do too
😉

GodspeedJune · 28/07/2024 09:09

Ah, this must be tough OP. Could you mute the group chat for a while so it isn’t a daily reminder for you?

HermioneWeasley · 28/07/2024 09:07

Would some baby signing be helpful with your daughter in the meantime? It might help her communicate and reduce her frustration. Babies have a cognitive understanding of words and can make signs before they can form th words. My DS was a prolific signer and “mummy” was the first thing he signed! I know she’s a little older but I suspect the principles are the same.

Coconutter24 · 28/07/2024 08:57

All children reach these milestones when they are ready not when we think they should. Your DD will get there in her own time and you have all of them to look forward to. I know it’s easy to say but try not to compare them and just be happy for your DN. Could it also be a jealousy thing because you think your DN is getting more attention?

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