To be offended he said this?

Honestly @Maramay , he will likely be feeling worse than ever today. I think you have read far too much into it it. I agree with PPs that this doesn't sound like a very good relationship for you.

It sounds like there's more to this than simply the excited tactless rambles of someone who's had a surprisingly enjoyable night, and that actually it's maybe more about feeling unappreciated and stuck in the 'support human' box where you don't get to do the happy fun things but end up picking up the pieces, which is a pretty depressing place to feel trapped only 5 months into a relationship.

Whatever the reason, if the relationship isn't working for you, that in itself is a valid reason to walk away if you want to; there's no need to stick with something that doesn't bring you happiness. If you still want to be in the relationship with him, maybe talk with him about what you want it to look like and tell him that you felt hurt about that night. Your feelings and your wants and needs are just as important as his are.

Yeah, I agree with you Op, that's shit.

So, he never takes you out drinking or dancing, because of his depression and his Dad passing 10 months ago (10 months, not 10 days!!), and yet he's managed to take Susan on a date, drink loads, let his hair down, go to a disco, dance with her etc, and then call you to tell you that he's having the best time ever, bla bla bla. I'd be fucking fuming.

I can just imagine how he would react, if you'd spent the whole night drinking and dancing with Dave, and then rang him, to gush that you'd had the best night ever, even though you never do that kind of night out with him. I can just imagine his Beaker face (remember Beaker from the Muppets?)

I wouldn't text, but I also would go grey rock for DAYS.

He's basically taken her on a drink fuelled party date, and yet he never takes you out. Nah. Fuck that.

Where did the OP say they were lovers?

It's not an equal relationship though. It was borne out of his grief and depression. That's the basis of the relationship.

Relationship dynamics are hard to change once established.

This is spot on.

Don’t split up because of a drunken phone call. Split up because your whole relationship is based on you being his carer.

I went out with a man who was constantly chasing something else, always unhappy with what he had. I was always wondering how to cheer him up, or what might upset him today.

I married a man who has a naturally sunny disposition. He is happy with what he has and happy if more comes his way. It's a lovely life.

It likely is the drink but you are very silly to spend a year bending yourself out of shape for a depressed self absorbed man.

Definitely step back.
Get some counselling to figure out why your bar is so low.

If you had any self esteem and respect you would know that you deserve more than taking on a project for you to fix.

You deserve so much better.
Give him space and take some yourself.
Your life should be more that fixing some man who absolutely does not appreciate you nor would do the same for you.

I wouldn't give him the soot of being upset, I would be far far less available and I sure as shit would not be around for his poor me hangover today.

You need more in your life than a man project.
Start investing your energy in yourself.

I can understand your feelings but not to the extent that you'd end the relationship over it. He's been suffering from grief and depression and texted you when drunk. Of course he hadn't been cured by a night out. He just momentarily had some fun.
If you no longer want to be in the relationship for other reasons then fine. I think you're overreacting to this though.

Forget last night, it was one night but think about a future with a man who is never happy. The best advice I've ever heard is "Marry a happy man."

Drink makes you temporarily happy. It might, or might, not mean something. Have a conversation when he is sober, say how it made you feel, and go from there depending on his response.

I think it's best to wait and see what happens today. If he remembers what you said last night this might be the wake up call he needs to fix the relationship. But I think he probably will continue to lean on you for emotional support and never give you the same.

I mean this kindly.......I know such things are not always evident at the time but I think that it was absolutely the wrong time to go from friends to lovers. Not your fault not his fault but really really bad idea. You are looking for very different things, probably your current expectations are of more permanency than his are. He may not have any expectations of the future. When I lost my husband, I couldn't see beyond tomorrow, let alone next week or next year. While people are in grief, in many ways they are not the same people as they were and may never be those same people again. Its up to you whether you stay friends or step away completely but I don't think that a closer relationship will benefit either you right now.

Be careful here. You set yourself up to be his support human from the start. There is the risk that this is all you are going to be. Not a girlfriend, someone to be happy with, someone to have fun with but some to care for him and put his feelings first always. You will always be caring and fixing while he will seek fun and companionship elsewhere. You are meant to be Ok with this because you care for him and want him to be happy. Its a trap.
Your feelings are not important. Him phoning his girlfriend to tell her he is happiest he has been in a while when he is with someone else is proof. Drunk or not, it wouldn't occur to him to care about how that makes you feel, you are meant to be happy for him. This is part of why people don't date grieving people.

I’m probably missing something but I don’t get the anguish over this. He’s had a good night out, so what. He won’t want to do this every night and presumably it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care/love you.
More odd is why you weren’t invited to go with them if she is a mutual friend.
I doubt it was heavily pre planned and more a spontaneous evolution of a night out. We have all surely done this at some point. Said we are having a quiet night. Don’t want to go drinking. Then before you know if your ‘bad influence’ friend has encouraged you to join them and before you know it, your on tables dancing and drinking shots people are buying you ( slightly joking here) but you know what I mean. You get home and your husband laughs and says what happened to “I’m not drinking”

I wouldn't send any knee jerk messages until you've spoken to him when he's sober.
Only you know here if you want the relationship to continue and whether it's worth a proper conversation, or whether you're getting nothing from the relationship and it would be better to walk away.
I'd be hurt just like you though.

Classic female social conditioning. If you feel this way, you can in fact, set boundaries for yourself and say exactly this.

Life is short and youth is even shorter. Don't waste it soaking in somebody else's misery.

Caroline Quentin helped Paul Merton get over a sad life event. When he felt better they split up. Could be part of getting over the grieving process

im sorry but after all that you have helped him through, he doesn’t deserve you. Please ditch him and enjoy your life!

I think you are right to be upset, and right to consider whether there is any future in yoir relationship. Your relationship seems to be all about him and his grief. That's how you got together. He is dictating things you can and can't do because he is grieving. Buy that can't be how your relationship stays long term.

You should wait a few days to let the hangover/anger subside and then speak to him about how it made you feel. But also that you are happy he feels able to go out and have fun nights as you would also like to do that with him. That doesn't have to mean he is just over his grief. But you can't stay in a relationship where he can go out and have fun, just not with you. You are the person he is just depressed and grieving with.

I don’t think the night out or the comment are the big issue here. More that it’s shone a light on the whole dynamics of your relationship - you being his emotional support crutch.

Only you know if that is one small element of your relationship and outside of that you have a genuinely equal, loving and fun relationship most of the time. Or whether the whole relationship is just you being his support and trying to “fix” him.

I wouldn’t send any rushed text. Take 24 hours to reflect on your relationship. Meet up in person and have a very honest chat about what you are both getting out of this relationship, how you feel and whether it is healthy or not.

My sil was diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago and has had all the love and support of friends and family imaginable in that time.

I took her out last week, we got pissed and danced to cheesy 90's pop music until 1am and she said it was the first time she felt happy since the diagnosis.

It wasn't because of anything I'd done. Some people need an escape from reality that can only be provided by mind altering substances, having a boogy, and a greasy kebab on the way home.

I totally understand where you're coming from, but I'd not take it to heart.

Edit: just to add, if you feel like you're putting more in the relationship than you're getting back, then back away.
I'm only saying don't take it to heart because it's not the woman that's helped him, it was the booze

RubyGemStone,
Absolutely this.

OP the goads are begining to post.
Always happens when a poster gets 'too much attention' they start to derail and deflect - spot them a mile off. Ignore.

It sounds like you have been sacrificing yourself to support him & he's not giving much back to you.

This means there's an imbalance in the relationship. Time to give all that you would give to a potential partner to yourself until you reach the point where you understand a good relationship is not about saving someone.