To be offended he said this?

I know this might not be what you want to hear. But I don't think he was in the right place for a relationship to start with. If your long term partner needs support, you give it, on the basis that in a long term relationship you'll both support each other at times. It's different at the start of a relationship, it needs to be more equal or u healthy patterns can become entrenched in how your relationship operates. It seems unusual to give that level of support in a relationship so new and sounds a bit like he has started taking it for granted. If something difficult happened to you now, do you think he'd give you the same level of support?

Are you prepared to be his therapist for much longer?, You've been very kind to him, you've gone along with all his rules, been more than sensitive to his needs. He's turned a big corner without you. Maybe this is the time to release him back into the wild. Then you can get your life back on track and be you again.

I'd be disgruntled and put out that I'd been pouring into somebody and receiving fuck all and that one click of the fingers and he's suddenly a drinker just not with you! But I'd personally move on because once you've posted on mumsnet this is a huge sign of stain and 10 months in with somebody really taxing I'd not be walking around with seeds of doubt and emotions being up and down over him!

Sounds like a really depressing relationship. Women are not hospitals for broken men.

It's not your job to make him happy.

He was pissed and enjoyed a good night out. Today he will be hungover and feeling like shite.

Avoid visiting him to try and make him feel better.

I would move on if I were you. Not because he had a great night out, but because this sounds like a miserable existence.

DD27 suffers with very poor MH, as well as other disabilities. On the very rare occasions she gets drunk, she would also claim that this is the happiest she's ever been etc. it's just the drink talking.
Also like your Boyfriend, she knows that this is neither real nor sustainable.
You can either forgive him drunken ramblings, or not. But it's not as deep as you're thinking it is IMO.

To clarify, he needs to have a good think about how he’s treating you. He might have been drunk, but his comments were awful.

That’s exactly what I would text, to be honest.

Sounds like your stuck as his emotional support blanket, not someone to have fun with.

I'd be unhappy at his comments, but also feel it shines a light on the whole relationship.

He is a boyfriend. But he's using her as a support crutch while he goes out and has the best night of his life with a female friend. Not hard to see why the op is hurt tbh, I would be.

@Cheeseandcrackers40 The op is in a relationship with this man

I think YABU tbh. He is a friend, not a boyfriend, he is struggling with his grief and was drunk. It isn't your job to 'fix' him, if the friendship has been forged in this way and you are getting jealous it sounds like it's become a bit co-dependant. I'd suggest considering what you want to get out of the friendship and taking a step back but I wouldn't be sending any messages in anger. If this is a pattern for you you might also need to reflect on if 'saving people' is validating for you and why. I say this as someone who has had to break this pattern myself.

This may sound brutal but he was probably happy because he’d been drinking. It is a suppressant so for a little while he got to bury his feelings. I think if anyone had taken him out drinking he’d feel the same in the night - it’s both a release and a way to bury what’s really going on.
The issue here is that he has chosen to go out drinking with a mutual friend, when for the last few months he hasn’t been drinking at all. You were there for the first few months of his grief.
I would tell him how hurt you are about this and detach for a while. If anyone reading this thread has been around any situation regarding alcohol, you would be doing him a favour. What you don’t want is to start feeling like you have to police his drinking as it often happens that the problem is then deemed to be you.
I am not discounting grief and depression here, but it’s clear your partner isn’t particularly dealing with either.
You don’t really know him as he truly is, you just get edited highlights while you are like an emotional crutch.
You deserve to be happy.
Perhaps you could give each other some space, and go back to bring friends for a while. With some time for both of you, you can work out if a romantic relationship will really work.
What you don’t want is for this to become a cycle, because if it does, he will become the victim, the alcohol will be his rescue, and you will feel like a jailer.
Put yourself first for a while.

Has he actually been diagnosed with depression?

When 'the fear' hits in the morning he'll have a different view on how the night went. I have a feeling this might be a bad week for him. Don't add to it with a snarky text (he didn't do anything wrong really) but do reconsider your position. It's very draining when it's all about him all the time.

What to do? Don't say anything, focus on your own life. Let him do all the contacting and set the outings. You sound as if you care too much and you have made making this man happy your mission over the last ten months. When the usual rhythm of a relationship is disturbed by a significant other, it will throw you. Find your own middle position and let the dust settle around you. Remember, for every move you make there will be a countermove. For every non move you make you will leave the other person thinking 'wait a minute' and then you will truly see how far the relationship has come or if it is time to walk away. I hope you find your truth but look after yourself first. (Words of an old bird with a lot of experience).

I think you’re BU. You have started a relationship with him while he is grieving and everyone has to follow their own path to handle their grief. The fact that he found an outlet through a boozy night does not diminish the kindness and patience you have shown all these months, it’s just an outlet.

I meant in a relationship sense not in a physical sense.

I massively disagree with most posters here. He's actively said he doesn't want to go drinking with you because it makes him sad and He's then has gone out with a different (female) friend and had the best time and rubbed your face in it? I would definitely be upset.
10 months of trying to cheer someone up would be incredibly draining for you op, I hope you have a good support network. It doesn't sound like you get much from this relationship.

He spoke to you WHILE he was drunk. That's what made him feel happy. When the hangover sets in he will be back to his real self but probably feeling worse mentally, since that's that drinking does for you.

Hold on to the fact he phoned YOU as he wanted YOU to know he felt happy - he knows you care.

Now you need to hope he doesn't start a habit of drinking to feel happy as that is not the answer.

More odd is why you weren’t invited to go with them if she is a mutual friend.

OP is his support human not his going out and having fun with human. That's the role they have both cast her in and one that is unlikely to change.

Don't lash out.

He was drunk when he said that, essentially numbing his feelings with alcohol
I don't think he's in a place where he should be starting a relationship and I don't think depression featuring heavily in your relationship is healthy for you
Step away but calmly

He's grieving and you've started a relationship based on need with him. He needs you to support him and you are the supporter. Phaps subconsciously what you dont like is that someone else is easily able to step in and make him happy, I think you need to step back a bit and don't think this relationship will ultimately work for you. The power balance is too far in your favour at the moment.

Fair enough, but that’s splitting hairs when he obviously thought it was ok for him to go out drinking with someone else, but won’t with her, then rubbed her nose in it.
Good on him for trying to stop, btw, but still!

This! ⬆️ Don't act too soon but don't stick around & be a doormat if it's not good enough for you.

He's a twat and is making other people responsible for his feelings - and you have taken the bait.