To be offended he said this?

He phoned you at the end of the night to let you know he was feeling good. The first person who he thought of was you. He just needed to let his hair down and felt safe with her. That does not mean he does not feel safe with you. It was a change of scene from his norm and it worked out well for him. Maybe he feared the getting drunk with you because he didn’t want to put it his emotions out on you.

I can very much understand your, and let’s be frank here envy. I’d be miffed as well. But bigger picture here. It may feel like emotional cheating but to him it was a release. His relationship with you has helped him through and hopefully you don’t give in to this knee jerk reaction and continue to grow your relationship with this adding to it. Be happy he was happy. It is not that you don’t make him happy.

This is a strange relationship if you have been designated as a person he can't go out drinking or having fun with. Is he an alcoholic ?
Have you been cast in the role of saviour?
I suspect this relationship is not actually benefiting you much.

Oh gosh no don't send a text like that.

Just wait for him to contact you again and then say you're not interested in seeing him again. If he asks why just say you're not but wish him the best.

Keep it classy and he can do all the mental work of trying to work out what what's wrong.

I can't tell if I've missed the sarcasm or whether you think being "his drunk call" is actually a positive thing

I’d be upset too. I’d tell him that his messages and change in behaviour took you by surprise and you’re wondering if perhaps he’d be more compatible with someone else given that he has just told you he’s been a notably happier person on this brief night out than he’s been in months with you.

You were his drunk call 💖
He thought you would be happy for him. Don't say anything right away but then maybe say something in a week r two, something small

It sounds like you're his social worker rather than partner.
Step back from the relationship and find someone where you are more equal and can have fun together

He was ready to move on. Be happy for him. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

He wasnt happy OP. He was drunk. You must know that 'happiness' caused by consumption of a drug that alters the brain chemistry isn't real and doesn't last. 'She' hadn't managed to lift him, she's just colluded with him temporarily masking his depression with alcohol.
You sound like you've done a great job supporting him and he should be appreciative. So not sure what motivated him to rub his 'happiness' with another woman friend in your face, and it doesn't sit right with me that he did that.
If I were you I'd think carefully about how much more you invest in this as it seems very one sided with little in it for you. If you feel your reward will be making him happy, this might be a long time coming, if at all.

Have you suggested AA?

I'm sorry but is there a chance he is subconsciously using you as a crutch to help him through this period because you have been such a good friend? And he's fallen into a relationship with you? I would be taking a step back. Grief can be all consuming - bit tricky to build a new relationship with that in the background.

Hi op,

leave him 😵‍💫

he just showed you who he is.

good luck 🌺

I feel like he is kind of using you, OP. Not intentionally, but you were in the right place at the right time, so he's latched on to you for "comfort". I don't think people go looking for a relationship while grieving. I mean this in the nicest way but I think he's getting more out of this than you.

Think this is the truth tbh - when someone has seen you at your lowest it is v hard to continue the relationship when you improve.

I think you probably really helped him but unfair as it is his journey forward may not include you to the same degree due to the associations with this time.

I agree, just end it, it didn’t sound like a very happy relationship anyway. I think the female friend has done you a favour.

I agree with this, sorry. I think now he’s coming out of his grieving phase he is associating you and your relationship with it, and you’re going to be part of what he wants to leave behind. It’s very unfair, but I’ve seen it happen before.

My very thought.

Ask yourself - are you his girlfriend, or his counsellor? In a relationship between equals, or a supporter/supported dynamic?

Of course he had a great night drinking - that's what drinking does in the short-term, makes you feel better but he'll be paying the costs now with the after-effects.

But you've made it all about you and you being offended and wanting to send a passive-aggressive message because your ego is hurt.

Don't do that. Just end the relationship.

Exactly this.

It sounds to me like your relationship is very much based on you being his carer/nurturer and him sucking your energy dry @Maramay. It's really not a good dynamic and can lead to very unhealthy codependency.

I'm assuming when he's hungover/on a come down, you (yet again) will be expected to mop his fevered brow and take care of him?

I'd be putting a little distance between you for now. I wouldn't send the text but I'd think very carefully about the dynamic of the relationship overall and whether it's a healthy one. You sound like a kind and caring person but you don't want to be bled dry.

I think I quoted your response to someone saying they weren't depressed enough to not function right, apologies for thinking you were agreeing with them.

I don't remember saying I wasn't struggling or saying I was handling it better or worse. What I'm saying is that I certainly didn't treat other people like shit because my dad had died or making my husband a slave to my emotions

It sounds as if the friendship should have stayed as a friendship and not turned into a relationship.

so time for the relationship to end, and if you are both lucky you will stay friends.

This. You're not his emotional support human! Think about what you want; you don't owe anyone happiness; that's his responsibility. I'd take a step back if I were you.

I agree. I just think it's slightly poor taste to being saying "after 10 months I wasn't feeling like this so...." about someone who lost a parent. He can still be struggling even though you were handling it better at that point.