I would swap with her in an instant

I’m sure she would swap with you in an instant! Clever! Successful! Financially stable, friends and family Around you

Not for a minute.

I've gone from being a striking looking youngster to being an average looking middle aged woman. As do we all eventually.

You're missing the point that you've got everything you could need. She hasn't.

You are crazy. Don't be mad. What you've got is worth far more than a pretty face.That fades whereas you will continue to build on your accumen and abilities. Looks don't last. Most likely the men looking her over would run at the hint of all her problems, after sex with her, of course.

Those are the women who in their 50s feel invisible.
I've never been good looking. Am fine with that. In my 50s and don't feel invisible, quite the opposite. People like or don't like me for who I am and that hasn't changed.
People who are good looking might seem to have it easier but they attract the guys that want them for their looks. That's not basis of a happy marriage I don't think.

The original poster really needs a reality check.

Oh they do.

To a degree.

They don't confer life satisfaction, it has no correlation to the quality of a persons life, except in the rarest of situations where you could argue luck also intervened.

It's an advantage only in some contexts and can be undermined and mitigated by any number of life variables.

Money is a far stronger advantage and predictor for success than looks alone are.

Joan Collins said she has known many beautiful women whose quality of life would have been better if they were less beautiful.

That is mad, OP. External beauty doesn’t last - at least not in western culture. I’d vote for being a competent, capable, intelligent, effective person any day regardless of looks. If looks are your main asset, you’re always relying on others, who let’s face it, are possibly only interested because of those looks - while they last.

I have a super beautiful, but not terribly bright friend. She married for money, got dumped and now lives as a single mum in poverty. She has never worked. I on the other hand have my own career and money to rely on no matter what happens in my marriage. I’d vote for that position of strength any day.

I’m sure life is easier in some respects for very beautiful people eg less likely to be convicted of a crime etc, but I think being capable is worth more in the long run. PS I’m not saying they are mutually exclusive, but in your example the woman is clearly being fired for not being great at her job.

yes, I agree with you. The men who felt 'challenged' by me, and did spiteful things, like get me fired from jobs, or just so intimidated that they were paralysed. The jealousy of other women, a couple of whom downright sabotaged my chances of finding a man, or tried to destroy my happiness. Not all the time, mind, and not everyone, but it happened ALOT. A woman needs to be a 4,5,6,7 out of 10 to have easy going relationships with men (if I can use that old ,sexist way of assessing looks). Next to none of the men were interested in me as a person, and were always surprised when I spoke.

Do you have some sort of body dysmorphia? Very few people are unattractive. And, of course, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I've had multiple men tell me I'm beautiful. Others couldn't give a fuck about me. Horses for courses etc.

@XChrome A flood of tears.

Really gorgeous women seem to attract horrible men - the type who cross the street to walk nearer the beautiful woman 🤢 ew. Just be yourself OP.

Because ultimately she'll end up ok

Is that mad?

Not necessarily. And yes it is.

Of my most beautiful friends: one is dead; one’s DH died of cancer young and she was a SM for 10 years; another is a SM with donated sperm as a result of poor man choices; one couldn’t have kids and her DH dumped her as it was a dealbreaker for him; one married a rather louche man and lives abroad far from her friends. They’re all ok financially as they’re bright. But looks themselves didn’t bring them the happy ever after women fantasise about.

Also - personally I find male attention quite annoying.

You really need to give your head a wobble. You're ridiculous

Yes it is mad. Unlikely she has it half as easy as you think, double edged sword and all that.

I was fairly attractive when I was younger and now I'm in my 40s I do sort of miss it sometimes... but then I remember that I didn't enjoy being groped (a number of times), being consistently underestimated and feeling nervous around groups of men.

I don't know where your heads at but sounds like you might need a bit of therapy to work this through. Oh and stay away from social media for a bit!!

You have friends and family "despite" being single? I wasn't aware that being single was a potential barrier to these?

And all these "men". Men holding the door for her and beaming at her and crossing the street to walk closer to her? Really? Where on earth were you? You and this decade younger friend-of-a-friend willing to grizzle in front of pretty much a stranger in public??

Spot on. Don't put yourself down OP. You sound amazing in yourself with all your achievements. PRAISE YOU

Looks fade

Is this a joke? I'm apparently more aesthetically pleasing than average, it's not helped me through life at all. As evidenced by the woman you describe it doesn't guarantee career success, financial security or happiness. It can actually be a hindrance as bitter jealous women can be bitchy, and men treat you like a trophy.

Get some counselling.

It would be extremely disingenuous and unrealistic to say that looks don't matter, or that they do not sometimes (or even often) give an advantage.

1. Being pretty brings its own problems
2. looks fade

I made this mistake once with someone I was at school with. She died of cancer at 30. Left behind two sons. She was still beautiful.

Oh yes, she’ll be fine because she is pretty…..

WTF - one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on Mumsnet.

I can’t recall ever responding negatively to an OP before but I seriously think you need to take a look at yourself as you’ve a serious empathy lack if you could think this.

Well unless you’re so ugly that people take one look at you and throw up I don’t understand 🤔 The thing with extremely attractive young ladies (like my daughter) is they get loads of hassle from disgusting creepy men, lots of times, every day. Other girls are bitchy and jealous of them so friendships are tricky at times.
Also they get depressed as they get older because their validation disappears and then they don’t know who they are.

It isn’t nonsense and I think people are being really rude to you.

I used to be very pretty but unfortunately I’ve piled the weight on. You are so right that people treat you differently. I feel like I’ve lost myself and I don’t recognise me in the mirror.

If you don’t feel like you’ve ever felt that I understand. But if you can’t change it you need to find something where you find some joy in your life or else you won’t really enjoy yourself x

The first thing I thought about reading this was ludicrous. I have never pinched a girl's bum. Or even thought of it, However when I was young and presentable a well-known actress patted mine.
But to be serious, the moral of this lament is that envy is a sin and worse still a depressant. And being down and out financially is a lot worse than being good at what you do, making a good living and not having to worry about money.

I am so sorry to hear this. 🩷
You are absolutely right. Suffering does put this into perspective.