I would swap with her in an instant

Wtf? Unless I need new eyes, none of those women are remotely ugly!

*Oh they do.

To a degree.

They don't confer life satisfaction, it has no correlation to the quality of a persons life, except in the rarest of situations where you could argue luck also intervened.

It's an advantage only in some contexts and can be undermined and mitigated by any number of life variables.

Money is a far stronger advantage and predictor for success than looks alone are*

Totally agree with this. Of course looks help to a degree- it would be madness to say otherwise. But thinking they are a guarantee of self esteem and happiness is simply not true. Of my friends, the most beautiful ones have struggled to find a decent partner, and are very insecure about their looks. Yes, they may get random men's attentions but what use is that if it's all leery and never solidifies into a lasting, caring relationship? By this rationale, supermodels should be the happiest people on earth and actually studies have shown that catwalk models have lower life satisfaction and greater personality maladjustment than control groups. Having worked in psych, I've also worked with people who self harm and have attempted suicide and plenty of them were objectively attractive.

So, yes, looks certainly help in life but dont make the mistake of assuming that if you resembled a supermodel your life would be perfect and amazing because I can tell you that is absolutely a lie.

There's also a strong undercurrent of anti tall slim and blonde bias at play I think. Women very rarely acknowledge beauty in this look, very frequently citing the opposite as their ownI ideal. It comes up so often that women don't admire these looks that I think there's an element of push back involved. I mean if this woman was 'truly beautiful' with the looks you describe, it's hard to see how you 'couldn't see it' unless you didn't want to. The look gets rammed down women's throats as the ideal so it's a rebellion to not like it. But a bit harsh on tall slim blonde women that their looks can be underrated with impunity by other women.

TBF "beauty" is largely facial. There are a lot of slim blonde women with plain faces, but they're attractive because the face isn't the be all and end all of attraction.

I can remember hearing a big discussion in a group of women twenty years older than me, when I was on my gap year. They were taking issue with a description of Princess Diana as "beautiful". They weren't being snide or catty, they were analysing her look and clearly fans. Their general theme was that it was a male journalist who had missed the point.

Everything you seem to value from your posts (like attractiveness, financial security, career success) is just stuff on the surface, though that may be a difficult concept for you to accept. Once you can connect to and embrace the deeper ‘you’ that lies underneath all the superficiality you will feel better about yourself, less concerned with other people’s attention and approval, and more compassionate towards others. It may sound a bit hippy-dippy, but once you are able to get in touch with your true nature you will feel much happier.

There's also a strong undercurrent of anti tall slim and blonde bias at play I think. Women very rarely acknowledge beauty in this look, very frequently citing the opposite as their ownI ideal. It comes up so often that women don't admire these looks that I think there's an element of push back involved. I mean if this woman was 'truly beautiful' with the looks you describe, it's hard to see how you 'couldn't see it' unless you didn't want to. The look gets rammed down women's throats as the ideal so it's a rebellion to not like it. But a bit harsh on tall slim blonde women that their looks can be underrated with impunity by other women.

I bet some men feel that way OP as there's so much pressure to have the right image these days. Here's my two penn'orth. DH's brother is taller, more handsome, always seems to fall on his feet, my sister is similar, prettier, has better hair. Here's the rub. When things just fall into your lap they are taken for granted and it's expected that things will always be that easy.

Looks fade, personality only gets better. Because those of us who have had to work for the things we get we appreciate them more. Beautiful types sometimes have no personality and can lack the grittiness to cope when things go wrong. Then they really fall apart.

So don't envy others OP. I always thought my beautiful sister had it all, but she really hasn't. She hasn't really developed as a person since she was a shallow teenager and can be narrow minded and cruel. Comparison is the thief of joy so just be yourself, I'm sure your'e lovely.

Jeez. Poor woman. For all you know she's completely oblivious to her own looks. She can't help it if she lacks ability elsewhere.

Why are a subset plain women always so catty with this "coasts on her looks" nonsense? There's nothing in the OP that suggests that at all.

I hope you are saving a large part of your wealth. If you are, you will have it when your looks fail.

The woman you admire so much will not have her looks forever either, especially if she cannot afford nourishing food. If she fails to get a good job, then she will have no money and no looks and men will gaze upon younger women.

Why is it so important to you to have men appear to bow and scrape, when you know full well why they do it?

Have you thought about her trying to coast through life on her looks? She isn't bright, competent, or have other attributes to carry her through life.

I’m a bit confused with your post. In the one breath you say that the woman you knew wasn’t beautiful in your world (thoughts) yet she was adored by her ‘beauty’ by others? and that ‘beauty’ saw her through

I didn’t/don’t think she is beautiful tbh. However she fits the stereotypical beauty that many men/women find attractive - long blonde hair, blue eyes, slim, athletic. I’ve known her for a long time and in school she was popular and the male teachers cut her a lot of slack. I always thought it was because she was sporty/team captain 🤣 I have just remembered something from school.
I have a memory of her sitting on one of our classmate’s laps before a class started.

I could see why the second woman was beautiful. She had brown hair, sallow skin and huge eyes. I remember she told me she was offered a job as a manager by a big company who had seen her when she went to the company to meet a friend. They wanted her to be the face of their company. She thought it was funny and declined their offer. She models part time these days.

I suppose we don’t see beauty in the familiar.

You need to wake up girlfriend. You can see with your own eyes how unhappy she is. Why would you wish for that? She probably got a job that she wasn’t qualified to do and look what happened! Be happy with yourself and try and be a genuine friend.

I am loathe to admit this out loud, but 40 years ago I was an actual “beauty queen.”
I thought it was absolutely fabulous at the time - I was 17 - but then the inappropriate comments from men of all ages began. They evidently thought that because I was in the public eye they could say anything they wanted.
I had to prove myself in every class education-wise that I was more than my looks.
I was fortunate that people who knew me knew I was kind and generous and compassionate.
I was thrilled when that year ended and I was anonymous at university.
And then there was the rape.
@Cookiecrumblane you’re sorely mistaken if you think pretty girls have all the advantages.
Be confident in who you are and if you aren’t, work on yourself — don’t long to be somebody else or in somebody else’s life. It isn’t the dream you imagine it is.

I’m a bit confused with your post. In the one breath you say that the woman you knew wasn’t beautiful in your world (thoughts) yet she was adored by her ‘beauty’ by others? and that ‘beauty’ saw her through.

I agree that being ‘beautiful/attractive’ is not a curse and will almost certainly help in general day to day life.

The friends of mine who are the happiest in their lives, with fulfilling jobs, happy relationships, well-adjusted kids are not necessarily the most beautiful ones. They’re the ones who made best life choices - about education, career, partner, property, finances etc.

You posted at 1.30am. Had you been drinking by any chance??
I suggest you flap yourself round the face with a wet kipper and think about the things you have, and have achieved, rather than the one thing that's out of your control. I'm sure we've all known people who are average looking but everyone loves because they're charismatic, fun, kind, intelligent etc and equally there are people who are on the surface very attractive but who are complete airheads. Who would you rather spend time with? Get a grip.

Why on earth would you want such superficial validation from men of all things?!
Looks fade, be proud of all your achievements and your stability

There is a more sinister side to the attention you get when you are considered attractive or pretty. Being stared at all the time is deeply uncomfortable, imagine being out with your family or friends and some creep is staring at you all evening. Or being cornered and lunged at in a lift by a colleague who has fallen for you … but never actually ever spoken to you … or being groped when your 14. Or getting seedy comments from men when you go out without your husband.

I get what you’re saying but the old saying of be careful what you wish for really does sum it up. Pretty privilege my arse.

This.

I've been told even as recently as 2 days ago (won't bore anyone with the story) that people (and they mean MEN) treat me differently than they would if I wasn't as 'attractive' as others say I am. I'm nearly 40 and I always thought people were being nice to me because I'm quite a bubbly person, I'm quite happy to chat to anyone. Apparently that makes me very naive.

I have a had a whole host of issues throughout my life, I would love to have a good job and own my own home. I feel like a failure and some random man giving me a smile or serving me first doesn't enter my head - it doesn't take away the real issues.

And getting attention absolutely does come with huge drawbacks. Men do try to speak to me whenever I'm out and I do feel I have to pacify them to a certain degree if they outright ask me for my phone number or whatever 'just in case' they turn nasty as some have.

This poor young woman is struggling and probably doesn't even realise she gets any extra attention. These will just strangers being helpful in her eyes. She does not want to date all these random men, she's simply going about her own business.

I hope you tried to be supportive and gave her good advice while hiding your jealousy.

I remember a time when attention got so intrusive that I used to dress in black, and baggy clothing to put men off.

It was shit- I wasn’t taken seriously.

I still have a card written by an old boss, which says… you did this job as well as- no, better, than a man.

I was so grateful. I had sent in a perfect application for that job, but had been told by someone who worked there that they weren’t considering it because I was female. I asked whether he minded if I made a fuss about that and he told me to go ahead because he was furious about it.

I got the job, but was never completely sure that it was because I was the best applicant, or because I’d made that fuss.

My leaving card from my boss is something that gave me the confidence to go ahead and put myself out there.

That was SO much more important than getting served first at a bar; getting in free to clubs, or all the other stuff which came with being pretty.

And just to update- I’m now 58, and remarkably dull looking… but I’ll always remember that card.

I must look like Margot Robbies better looking sister then, the miscreants I've managed to attract over the years.

I was pretty good looking and charismatic etc and had a lovely existence until 10 years ago when I got chronically ill which changed my looks, my whole life. Don't be so bloody shallow!!!!!

There are many statements and assumptions in this thread from the OP making me smh but the one which is really getting on my tits is the repeat assumption that the pretty woman would be at an advantage with the ex employer or interviewing somewhere new as she is attractive.

The implicit assumption behind that is that those decision makers - the bosses - are attracted to women, most likely a heteronormative man, and make bad decisions based on that.

I interview and employ tens (sometimes hundreds) of people annually and I am far more interested in the success of my company to put physical attractiveness ahead of competence.

This. My sister is beautiful, I am not. Out of the two of us I’ve always had the more attractive boyfriends and have been treated better than her. We do the same job, not in the same company. We’ve both got to the same level. On nights out I’ve seen men and women behave horribly towards her. She’s a lovely person and deserves better.

If you were a man, you wouldn’t be “single” but “available” ahah!

I totally get you. Spend time with her, it seems you both could take a bit of the other. It is an equal footing than to both want to learn and lean on each other. Great friendship possibility.

Good luck 🌺

Maybe take comfort in the fact that looks don't last forever.
Besides there's more to life than looks - being intelligent and having your self respect are way more important than being good looking.