I would swap with her in an instant

I don’t have citations. Just advice that older women have shared and my own observations. It is just an opinion.

The fact that men are so much more interested in beautiful women is because of their beauty. Not anything else (at first anyway). That is objectifying women. Boasting to friends, showing photos of their conquest (not inappropriate photos) and generally using the woman to look good - like they would a nice car or other material objects. This isn’t kind or respectful.

Being cat called on the street, or stopped by men with any kind of authority under false pretences only to be asked for your phone number, being groped or assaulted in public because you draw attention. Sexual harassment at work, etc. The list goes on.

You are allowed to feel how you feel, some of the responses, dismissing how you feel, don’t take it personally, think some of the comments are based on, you don’t realise how good your life, actually is.The thing is, when she was talking to you, about the way her life is, for all you know, she would’ve loved to swap life with you, l know the irony, because you have so much going for you.To be financially independent, is really huge, have your family around you and the fact that, she was pouring her heart out to you, means, she thinks you’re lovely, approachable, good with people, your opinion matters, you’re definitely not invisible Never underestimate yourself, because how you see yourself, isn’t how others see you.
One thing is true, you can do anything you want to do, you have options, which some people just don’t have.I know this is going to be cliche, beauty is, in the eye of the beholder, just because you don’t see yourself as attractive, doesn’t mean others, think the same way.
Appreciate what you have.

Citation needed. I've never seen examples of this. If men are more romantically interested in beautiful women (and we expect that they would be), then why would they treat those women worse and reduce their chances of a relationship?

The only way I imagine this could be true is that beautiful women select the most attractive men, and it's only a small number of attractive men that have more than one woman interested in them, so those men feel they can do whatever they want and get away from it. But that's an issue with those men, not men as a whole.

It's OK to he jealous of someone who has something you want. But I think the fact you're single is really skewing your perspective here. Good things don't just happen to beautiful people, and in fact horrible things happen to beautiful people just because they're beautiful, especially women. Be grateful for what you have and appreciate it.

Going against the grain here but I do see and understand to a degree where OP is coming from.
I come from a humble, working class background. Worked extremely hard at school, had to fight a male dominated culture and be twice as good as a man in my career and I have amounted to a very modest lifestyle.
I have 2 friends who did nothing at school except mess about, never got a single qualification, didn't work hard post school but manage to have very high flying careers, an exceptional lifestyle and are extremely well off financially. They are both absolutely stunning, have always been inundated with male attention and could take their pick of men.
So, yes OP I get it, however, I would take, kindness, decency and generosity above any other quality or attribute and I am sure you have those in abundance but we all need to come on here and have a rant about the unfairness of life from time to time.

This is so true.

I also worked with a much older woman who told me that the more beautiful a woman is, the worse she is treated by men. She was saying the same thing that you are. It’s true. They don’t see beautiful women as people.

Wow. I can’t believe what I am reading.

It explains why women can be so unkind to other women in the workplace I guess.

What a strange post, sounds like u have issues that need addressing.

I applied for a job a few years ago - all online interviews as it was a WFH job. I got down to the last 2 and it went to someone else. No reason given, I asked how I could've improved or what I could've done differently and was told nothing, I did really well and they had no tips they could give me, they just went with the other person. I checked their website after that to see who had got the job and it went to someone younger, blond and very pretty. She had only been qualified in our profession for a year, versus my many years qualified and many many more years of experience. I genuinely felt that the only reason she got it was that I am fat and ugly. Maybe I didn't come across as well, especially since I could see my own face in the corner of the screen during the interviews and I avoid looking at myself as much as I can so found that very offputting!
Pretty privilege is definitely a thing and anyone who doesn't think so is one of the pretty ones!!
And yes, I know you will blame it on my own self-esteem issues and yes, you're probably right but it is what it is!

One problem, no matter how you want to be here you CAN'T be. Get over it!

So you would swap good job, financial security and standing firmly on your own 2 feet for being pretty and having rely on some prince coming along and ‘saving’ you and for being promptly served at the bar?

That is maddness.

Being pretty is not a guarrantee of a happy life. You can still end up in abusive relationship and having no financial stability you will have nothing to fall back on.

Honestly, give your head a wobble and be grateful for what you have.

Ha ha! Yes. She got the best deal - a house, an income, status, and no need to do the desperate survival dance of being married to Henry VIII.

Remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs; the bedrock of life on Earth is ability to feed, clothe yourself, buy glasses, not be on the street, and this means 'money'.

Never forget this. Never forget how vital this is.

Be thankful you have so much money that, temporarily, you have forgotten this.

Be grateful for your success, you are blessed and fortunate, and you deserve it. Enjoy.

As I tell my sister, they’re just jealous of you.

She is younger, financially comfortable, travels and has a happy marriage. And she has a family who love her.

The village she lives in isn’t particularly a close knit cliquey community, there are a lot of elderly people there who gossip and back stab each other daily. There’s actually no benefit to being liked.

You know the scenario, two elderly ladies are chatting in the cul de sac. Another comes out to put her bin out. One of the two chatting says, “Morning Mary. You okay? Michael okay?”. Mary replies, “Yes all good thanks” and as soon as Mary’s out of earshot it’s, “Hasn’t she put on weight, it must be all the booze she knocks back, hahaha.” etc. …every time!

When I visit we have more than a few giggles at their expense.

My sister keeps her circle small, there are a few good friends living there too. The main benefit to living there is that it’s very beautiful and very quiet.

I think I'd like to cross reference this thread with the one about 'the worst thing someone has said to you,' where people have had the most awful insults hurled at them for daring to not be as beautiful as someone else thought they should be.

''When they first bought their house, an elderly female neighbour came over to talk to my sister when she was getting out of her car, a very nice car, and the neighbour said “your husband must have a very good job to be able to buy a car like that for you”. My sister told me she could’ve replied and told the neighbour she also has a good job and bought her car herself, but that she just couldn’t be bothered as the neighbour is elderly so she didn’t want to cause an old lady any embarrassment or upset. From conversations with other neighbours it’s clear the consensus is that my sister is a kept woman. They just seem completely blind and deaf to any other narrative. It’s a very rural community with a lot of over 65s.''
ScrubbedCauliflower
I could have written this. My late husband was older than me. When new people bought the house next door it became a nightmare. I still had the house free of finance before I met him: he was retired, young, and yet to have an income but owned the house I moved into, I was working full time.

Bad enough people make up gossip, but we were well known, and why anyone would believe it still puzzles me.

It persists.

Oh, Op! You need to work on your self-worth… https://thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/become-woman-comfortable-skin/
Nirvana doesn’t come from “being pretty”, but from being “bien dans votre peau”.
There are many women like your friend, who may, in future, develop more clingy and irritating habits as their looks fade while their insecurity grows.

If you start life as a trophy, there will always be a younger, prettier version - so yearning for beauty can be both a blessing or a curse. Be thankful for your intellect, and learn to love what you already have…

Anne of Cleves got the best deal out of all of Henry’s wives imo- she kept her head, remained relatively independent and treated as a “cousin”, lived in comfort and didn’t have to shag Henry. Sometimes it pays to look like a horse!

Please see a counsellor

Please see a counsellor

Well said

And my sister hates having to correct people and why should she. Why should any of us. In actual fact, our lives are no one else’s business.

My sister too paid for the full deposit for their house and all the renovations, they bought a real fixer upper and they both mucked in with the work too. She also planned and designed it all.

Her husband’s wonderful btw, but no he doesn’t get any of the same type comments.

But, she does speak up in the face of these assumptions more now. Apparently, recently, a local farmer who owns the land behind their house got chatting to her and was asking her how they came to live where they do. He said something along the lines of, “I suppose your husband moved you here because of his job”. “No” she said, “We moved because it was more convenient for my job and a fast rail link into London” . She then had to climb over the gate to help him undo the padlock as he was struggling undoing it. She opened it with ease….

I have 4 children and I was criticised for not working when I was a stay at home mum and also criticised for not being there for them when I got a full time job. Would being pretty have stopped the criticism, of course not.

The most Important thing is that my sister is well and happy now.

The phenomenon you’re discussing is known as "pretty privilege," a concept grounded in both biology and psychology. It refers to the economic, social, and political benefits that people receive based on their physical appearance.

Closely related is the "halo effect," a psychological bias where attractive individuals are often assumed to have positive traits, such as being kind or competent. This idea is explored in detail in the book Beauty Pays: Why Attractive People Are More Successful.

Research shows that attractive individuals, both men and women, tend to earn 3 to 4% more than their less attractive peers. They are also more likely to be hired and promoted faster. However, the impact of physical appearance extends beyond just financial gain. Employers may exhibit unconscious biases, favoring more attractive individuals even when the actual job performance is similar.

These biases are not always deliberate but can manifest in subtle ways through preferences and decision-making. The advertising industry is well aware of this, as seen in Italian sports newspapers that feature attractive models in nearly all ads, regardless of the product. This trend reflects a broader societal inclination towards beauty, where both men and women engage with and are influenced by such imagery.

A personal example highlights this effect: a friend of mine, who frequently travels in first class due to her appearance, often finds herself approached by male passengers seeking conversation and sometimes asking for her phone number. To avoid this attention, she sometimes pretends to be asleep. In contrast, when I fly in economy class, I rarely experience such interactions and often enjoy the space of empty seats for a more comfortable journey.

I am definitely not as attractive as your sister sounds. But I get the casual sexism too.

"Oh you're so lucky your husband works hard enough to give you this life". Sure, yes, he does work hard. But actually, I saved the deposit for our house/mortgage. Two of the three cars on our drive (mine, his project and he has a company car) I bought outright with my bonuses. For many years I was the higher earner (and likely will be again if I decide to go back full time and push my career forward again).

"It's so nice that you get to be at home AND your daughter goes to nursery". I work from home. In a fairly demanding and senior position. They just only see me drop her off and come home again.

Women can never win. We're either only good for arm candy, being stay at home parents or we're not attractive enough. Too fat, too thin, if intelligent we're intimidating. Assertive is seen as aggressive. Enjoy make up/clothes/looking good you're high maintenance. Prefer no make up/dress for comfort you don't try hard enough.

If you're pretty then you get treated as if you coast on your looks by other women. If you're less pretty you have to work extra hard to get any attention. If you're attractive there's a lot of unwanted attention.

No winners.

My youngest sister is very attractive, the pretty one of the family. Nobody believes she’s my sister! She’s also tall with a banging body. Works out a lot. Largish boobs. Brunette.

She worked exceptionally hard in her career. She had senior roles in professional services companies in London and earned very good money. She took all her professional qualifications while working full time, including going to night school.

Her husband was a good friend of hers for years before they got together. Think Monica and Chandler. My sister’s husband is actually a week younger than her but she looks very young for her age. When they’re out together or abroad on holiday or even in the gym, so many people (men and women) think she’s married an older man for money. She gets comments from other tourists staying in the same resorts and has even had comments from waiters in restaurants. My sister and har husband pay everything 50/50 and a few years back she paid off the remainder of their mortgage single handedly with her savings and her work bonuses. It was a significant amount. They don’t have kids out of mutual choice

When they first bought their house, an elderly female neighbour came over to talk to my sister when she was getting out of her car, a very nice car, and the neighbour said “your husband must have a very good job to be able to buy a car like that for you”. My sister told me she could’ve replied and told the neighbour she also has a good job and bought her car herself, but that she just couldn’t be bothered as the neighbour is elderly so she didn’t want to cause an old lady any embarrassment or upset. From conversations with other neighbours it’s clear the consensus is that my sister is a kept woman. They just seem completely blind and deaf to any other narrative. It’s a very rural community with a lot of over 65s.

She had a number of problems with male colleagues and bosses coming onto her at work and female colleagues getting jealous. In her last workplace (a huge global corporate) she was caught in the middle of a very senior man doing everything he could to be with her, including buying her gifts , and a female boss getting jealous and doing everything she could to make my sister’s working life hell. My sister left and ended up with really bad depression and anxiety. When I saw her just after she’d left that company she was like a zombie, it had seriously affected her. She’s in her late forties.

Cut to the present (2 years later) my sister has got to the stage now where she doesn’t have to do the well paid stressful career, so she’s set up a little home business. Shes much happier but she is far more introverted than she used to be and doesn’t really like people like she used to.

Anyway, my point is that no matter how we look, life can be challenging for any reason and people can be utter dicks for no good reason and all too often are. Being pretty doesn’t change that or protect you.

Anne Boleyn changed the entire course of British history despite not meeting 16th century beauty standards

Yes and her daughter was a complete badass - love her! I always thought she showed so much of her mother's determination