I would swap with her in an instant

“That proves the point - she married a scruffy academic. I can just imagine a host of PhD female students, 10 times clever than her, asking 'why not me?' Even 'scruffy' academics are attracted to beauty, not brains, sadly.”

Is it possible she’s beautiful AND exactly as clever, if not more, than your hypothetical host of PhD students?
Maybe her scruffy academic husband had the intelligence to look beyond her physical attributes and see an interesting and multifaceted human being, rather than just reducing her to a collection of aesthetically pleasing parts.

This can’t be real???

Looks don’t fade unless the look relied heavily on intervention like hair style and makeup

A beautiful woman or man tends to still be beautiful as they age particularly if they have good bone structure. But looks do fade somewhat, faces get longer & thinner, noses change shape, teeth can move etc

Nothing ironic about how the younger woman's life and confidence was falling apart, and there was no real concern or empathy from the op? Just jealousy of her looks?

That's the typical 'pretty privilege' .

You would rather your life was falling apart because you'd get served quicker at a bar and a door held open for you?

Open your own doors and continue being accomplished. I know a few "beautiful" people and their lives are not easier. They don't get jobs easier (in fact one of them actively battles the stereotype that she must be stupid).

If you're going to compare, compare everything. And the significance of it. Your good job Vs her no job - what's the impact on life? Served immediately at a bar Vs waiting 5 minutes - what's the impact on life? Financially secure Vs no -what's the impact? Men hold doors open Vs having to open a door - what's the impact?

The way you're thinking right now is very shallow and not helpful to a good life.

Omg! I'm objectively a quite pretty woman (though chronically ill now) often hit on or complemented by men walking outdoors even now at nearly 50. Can sometimes get better service for doing nothing. Have had times where I have had things done for me for free or wangled myself out of a sticky situation just for being attractive etc.

My life (and now health) has been EXTREMELY difficult because of a poor start in life, many negative life experiences. Today I am dirt poor and struggling. I'd love a real taste of typical life success. Also it didn't stop my DH leaving me for someone else, this same DH still complements my looks now. But what fat good is that? If anything it's shallow attachment. That's a massive pitfall of being good looking. You cannot tell if someone is attracted to you or your looks.

I do agree that being pretty is advantageous. But it really evens out if you lack far more useful skills and a good secure upbringing.

Also there's the 'Pretty Trumps Prettier' games. My cousin is supermodel material, fantastic bone structure, she just didn't get blessed with the height...dominates me any time we're in the same room. I don't stand out next to her, and it's the same with other women who are prettier and yes especially (and now somewhat painfully) YOUNGER. Because Pretty fades.

Of course there's real models actresses etc who earn principally because of their looks (you read some of their stories and some of them were scouted fresh out of school and instantly earning megabucks) and that's unfair of nature in my book but they can still struggle to maintain that for a long career and have issues.

You're the sort of person I admire and envy OP and am wishing myself to be more like! Be happy with yourself and your real success that, unlike looks, endures!

Quite.😂

Only around 4% of women are tall enough to be models
And that is the shorter end of modelling.

From my friends and people I know over the years who were considered naturally beautiful or pretty

They are still beautiful and attractive women

Looks don’t fade unless the look relied heavily on intervention like hair style and makeup

Men do get this, there just aren’t that many gorgeous ones!

I'm sure I'll be shouted out here but..... men notice the pretty girls first, but after a while you start to realise that it's very hard work. Usually it means that they are vain, self centered, have not had good relationships, have no understanding of humour or self deprecation. You then start to think about it all and think yeah it's nice to have arm candy but that's all she is. Women who have always been beautiful are usually able to get away with eye fluttering discounts by weak men who think they've got a chance to get them into bed.
I stupidly did go out with someone like that but they were not the right fit for me and when I tried to have adult conversations they acted like a child, because they had never had to mature or know how to accept disappointment. That sealed the fate of our relationship because I wanted to have kids, not be with a teenager. I then created rules for myself. If a woman takes 30 minutes to 'put on makeup' or won't leave the house without war paint. If they can't discuss things without shrieking if we have different views, if they don't laugh, if you can't imagine them putting others first, if they are more interested in dancing than a cosy night in and if they can't admit to making mistakes ever, then it's a no go war zone. I guess I am pleased I went out with one of those types because I know what the warning signs are now.

You are being ridiculous, you've just seen evidence of how superficial her 'advantages' are. She still got sacked.

I agree. It’s usually good bone structure.
The best buildings have the right foundations and it’s the same with looks.

I think you might have jumped the shark with 'men cross the road to walk near to her.'

It's not about looks. I'm fat and nearly 60 and people do all those things for me - because I'm friendly and am always being complimented on my smile (cos my looks are nothing to write home about any more).

I mean, men don't cross the road to be near me, but I have more male attention now than I did when I was thin and younger.

If it makes you feel any better, she'd probably swap places with you in a heartbeat, as she has no idea what weird contradictory machinations are going on in your head. Anyone who would swap their flat for looks (that have patently not done anything to help the poor lassie) has strange priorities.

There's one small flaw in your plan though isnt there- her looks haven't stopped her losing her job or her flat so how do you square that as it doesnt fit your theory?

Or, are you suggesting that being served first in a bar is the pinnacle of life's success? 🙄

Ew who wants men crossing the road to be closer to them? Creeps.

You can be proud of your achievements and working hard to achieve those things but once you see someone who without putting any effort in getting the same or better jobs and experiences and being put ahead just because they are beautiful you then you can’t unsee it.

But the girl the OP is speaking about lost her job despite being beautiful. Nobody "put her ahead", they sacked her a month ago, and she hasn't been given an amazing new job - she is crying because she is worried about everything. Men are paying attention to her and opening doors for her but she still needs a job.

By all means, being beautiful must make life easier, but it isn't the solution to all problems, and I think it is bizarre to envy someone who is having real struggles.

Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?

Bonkers. Plus the visibility stops abruptly anyway, at a certain point.

That poor woman, in her darkest hour she turned to you for comfort and you sat there envying her.

Maybe she got the job based on her looks and not her ability

Not sure men or women would want to swap a good life for being jobless etc. think more of yourself.

As someone of a certain age I can tell you that those of my peers who are my age and were very good looking are still good looking years later
.

Those of us who weren’t, the youth we had which made us look ok when we looked in the mirror is long distant memory

Yes, that is mad and sad. And quite self absorbed actually.

Yes, there is that.

Great advice to the OP.
Intelligence does indeed last a lifetime and all that goes with it too.
The art of conversation, interest in current affairs, being empathetic, being interested in the person you're talking to. I'd say I'm fairly attractive, but I'd much rather say I'm a person who loves interacting with others in the art of conversation & my looks are just incidental to my day to day life.

Beauty didn’t stop her being sacked.