I would swap with her in an instant

Yes, meaning that her friend doesnt wallow and doesnt constantly bang on about it. I dont do those things either because doing them actually makes me feel worse, not better.

You are assuming that her friend is unhappy being the way she is- she clearly isnt and why should she be?

I have a friend who is a top barrister and another friend said 'I bet her husband prefers my cake to hers as she is not a very good cook. ' I replied ' I wouldn't mind pulling in £250K plus a year. Does she need to be able to bake cakes?'

OP this is really about you, not her. Can you use some of your financial security to make yourself feel better - get a haircut, buy some nice clothes, get a personal trainer - whatever would make you feel more put together and confident in yourself.

The thing about being a woman is yes there is a lot of pressure, but there is also a lot we can do to look more polished. Rightly or wrongly, a lot of what is seen as attractive is really good grooming.

There will always be someone better looking, but you can make the best of what you have. Obviously it's something that bothers you, so do something about it.

She said:

So if my 'plain and fat' friend wanted to wallow and feel sorry for herself or constantly bang on about how everyone else was better looking than her then she'd be seen as that plain, fat woman first and foremost

Nothing she said indicated she wasnt "allowed" to be sad.

Nothing. If she's her friend I am sure she's been there for her during periods of sadness but that doesnt change the fact that some people are naturally just sunny in their demeanour and it doesnt mean they are just lying or putting on a front for others.

I think there is a lot of shooting the messenger going on, in this thread, where people are clambering over each other to point out that there is more to life than looks - which we all know - but also, looks matter a lot, lot more than most of in our hearts think they "should". So everyone is pointing this indignation at the OP

I didn't say she 'must' be secretly miserable, but as you say yourself, we all have moments of sadness. It seems only those on the right side of average are allowed to express them, though.

Men walked across the street to be closer to her - are you kidding?

Talk about creepy. I’d be terrified in that instance. Would you really want that happening everyday?

Madness.

Beauty fades and men stop being nice. Are women's lives only worth something if men want to shag them?

Please get some help for your internal misogyny and your self worth issues. Swapping life with an unemployed woman because men smile at her. Stop! Think! Get help.

Sorry, but you are wrong.

She will attract the wrong sort of men and will probably be unhappy and be traded in for a younger model when her looks have faded.

I used to be jealous of pretty women, but now in my 50s, I can see that I that jealousy was misplaced.

In all likelihood she is not aware of how pretty she is and the effect that has on other people. It's just her normal. If you swapped with her you wouldn't be aware of it either so you'd have gained nothing.

Huh? that poster did not say her friend "wasn't allowed" to be sad at all.

I am sure her friend has moments of sadness just like all of us- thats part of being human and its something all of us feel from time to time. But you are projecting heavily to suggest that someone overweight MUST be secretly miserable. Not everyone feels the same way as you do and it's pretty offensive to suggest they should.

Grow up, OP.
Beautiful people still get sacked, still have parents die, still get ill themselves, still get cheated on, still cheat, still struggle academically, still win races, still eat, still pee, still take shits.

How shallow can you get?

I'm struggling with your post as it seems so obtuse. Yes she's beautiful (and yes many people will admire, desire or envy beauty, I'm not denying that). But it certainly hasn't meant that she's "always all right in life" . The poor woman has lost her job, is in financial turmoil, so upset she's crying in public and you're jealous because her nice face meant she got served first and had a door held open for her. WTF?

WTF have I just read> ???

This is exactly me!

She's like sunshine in human form and I find it hard to believe there can be a person on the planet who, if they knew her, would not feel the same. To me she's one of the most beautiful people ever and I can't even think about her without smiling. I even see her differently in physical sense now

It's the same when you meet a bloke who you don't fancy at all at first, but once you get to know him and realise you are falling in love with fall in love his personality he starts to give you the uncontrollable fanny gallops

God yes. I've met guys who were really nothing to write home about in terms of looks and I wouldnt have looked twice at them in the street but within 20 mins of chatting with them I wanted to rip their clothes off. They were engaging, had great social skills, gave me their full attention, were charming, eloquent, witty, kind and even the way they moved was sexy. I also know women who are like human sunshine and not one of them looked like Giselle or a Victoria secrets model.

Noone is denying that looks can get you initial attention but what is the point of mere superficial attention if it never evolves into anything genuine or serious? Noone sits alone at home sad and single thinking "ah well at least two guys crossed the street to follow me home that one time" - hardly much comfort is it?

You're wasting your time comparing yourself to other people. You are you. You will always be you, and you will ONLY be you. It's a complete waste of time and energy to wish otherwise.

With beauty also come a lot of jealousy and hatred towards you as you are illustrating right now. People have much more going on than just their looks. I’ve had this attitude towards me and my god if you knew me you would wonder how I am still standing as my life has been far from a fairytale.

Perhaps depends on the area and type of man then

as I said - in certain parts of inner London it’s happened to me and my friends and we were just normal teens

So if my 'plain and fat' friend wanted to wallow and feel sorry for herself or constantly bang on about how everyone else was better looking than her then she'd be seen as that plain, fat woman first and foremost

Of course, your plain and fat friend is not allowed to be miserable. She has to conform to the ''jolly fat person" stereotype to be acceptable to her peers.

Don't you realise how absolutely sick we plain, fat people are of this sort of shit?

You won't listen to me, though, because I'm too fat and plain to be permitted to complain or be unhappy.

It’s happened to me before - or on train platforms. When I was 20 years younger and slightly attractive (never model like, just more vulnerable).

Always creepy and freaky - in fact I avoided walking down the same road for a while after. So why would anyone like this - really weird

I work extremely hard at my gig type job. I am more than capable of rising through the ranks and probably understand better than most what is needed to be done beyond what is written down on the paperwork

However at 60+ and definitely not someone with good bone structure I know I am never even going to get a supervisor role because as the people they promote are all good looking and young and judging by what I am asked lack a basic understanding of the role

I don't want to be unkind, and I am saying this as a fellow middle aged woman with no discernable bone structure at any age. The gig economy is no place to be working when you are 60. There are jobs that are great when you are 20 (regardless of looks) but you need to plan something different for when you are older, because yes, by the time you are 60 people judge you on where you are rather than your future potential. I would get nowhere in the kind of job you are talking about, but those beautiful young women would not get my job either. Hopefully they have a plan that will take them into a more secure work environment as they get older.

I’m voluntarily single now (in my sixties) and don’t plan on that ever changing.

When I compare my relationships to my long time friends (who were not as ‘pretty’ as me) they have all got long happy marriages whereas my relationships didn’t last and I have felt very envious (not in a toxic way) that their husbands see them as equals and partners).

I was not treated with the respect I felt I deserved and was very much the partner their friends fancied etc. Even in my most significant relationship that produced my children I was treated like a ‘visual’ rather than a person, he wanted me to keep my hair long, didn’t want me to gain weight etc.

It caused me a lot of hurt in my life because I’m a good partner, I have depth and was not in any way a Love Island type. I loved discussing various topics and reading (my ex would actually grab my book from me and fling it across the room because I was too ‘engrossed’ in it).

I honestly think it’s why I embrace singledom so much now, the idea of the male gaze or being in a relationship actually makes me feel physically ill, lol.