Made a fool of my self tonight and now I feel so low

Well done OP.
Have you a video camera?
If not get one.
Start a papertrail with the local police regarding his dangerous driving and how his speed is an accident for a child waiting to happen.
Keep asking why your repeated calls are not being answered and he is allowed to continue with his anti social dangerous behaviour.
You can then report to the police authorities.
Creating a paper trail is always the wisest thing to do to deal with inaction.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Yeah, shame on then men for not wanting to risk getting into a physical fight that could result in them getting seriously hurt or arrested or both.

You feel low because your adrenaline is crashing back down.
It’s a good thing that you’re not afraid to stick up for yourself. Just make sure you are not angry and erratic with parenting your DC

You were driven over the edge and the adrenaline rush fuelled your fire. At time of posting it had all burnt out, leaving you feeling low. It's normal, post fight or flight.

Reporting this kind of behaviour can help.

www.gov.uk/guidance/noise-nuisances-how-councils-deal-with-complaints

If the random woman in question had gone after an argument and was perfectly capable of getting away if she wanted to, I very much hope my DH would stay well out of it and/or call the police. Why would I want him injured or possibly killed for the sake of a random stranger?

I know that if I was being threatened verbally then my DH would be there to protect me (hopefully without violence) but I’d like to think I will never (again) go out of my way to put him in danger and I certainly wouldn’t want him escalating things. Thankfully he is a pacifist and would never throw the first punch, but that won’t always stop him from being a target.

I’m guessing 110 years ago a lot of you would have been handing out white feathers to the conscientious objectors?

I've done this too, confronting a neighbour who kept leaving dog crap outside our house right by the front door on the public footpath on a school route, it absolutely stunk and on one occasion had to clean it off the wheels of our pram when I was not aware. Pretty sure they were doing it on person to get a reaction now I think about it! Normal people would pull their dog away or bag the poo! Got all the lip and called every name under the sun. I wasn't proud of my actions as I called them some choice names back when I should have held my cool..but it was pure adrenaline I was literally shaking afterwards.

Be warned though, I mentioned speaking to the police about the incident and the horrid man who was much bigger than me, threatened me and (it turns out later) known to be a pot head reported ME to the police. All that happened was I got a polite letter from them which I responded with my side of the story but I was utterly furious the cf did that. So @passwordrequired I would log it with the police for this reason alone.

It's called a backbone OP - many sit back and complain about these things, very few have the backbone to challenge it. Preferring to put up with it, to frightened of the many what if's, buts and maybe's.

There is a caveat to it mind - you do need to be aware of your safety, surroundings and be aware of how far you can go without getting yourself in bother! I've seen some mistake backbone with sheer pigheadedness and stupidity!

I can, I haven’t said women can, you’re conflating the two.

The reality of life is that sometimes this happens (particularly in some professional fields), it’s not appropriate or necessary to be escorted by men all the time and that’s OK.

Nobody ‘expects’ women to tolerate or deal with this alone, but if she chooses to, and a man respects that, it’s not an indicator that he is spineless.

If OP wanted her husband to step up that’s fine, her choice (although it sounds like she did a fucking awesome job by herself), my objection is the assumption that a woman needs the protection of a man by default.

You said you could handle it. A man threatening to batter you.

I don't think women should be left to deal alone with men threatening to batter them.
If you are expected to do that in your job you are not being protected.

I agree a man should intervene with caution and be careful not to escalate.
But I think at least being there right by you visible, is a minimum.
And a word of warning or caution to the aggressive man threatening his wife. And a readiness to act would be expected of a man if his wife is being physically threatened by another man.

This isn't just an angry man. He was threatening to physically hurt her. Publicly.
The fact women are expected to tolerate and deal with this level of threat alone is a poor indication of society not a great moment for feminism.

You're a legend OP. This guy sounds like a nightmare.

I get it OP- and I'd have been just the same afterwards. Some people just find confrontation and being assertive easy I think. You were really brave!! We have a similar nob in our street and a friend of mine lives right next door. She always amazes me at how she handles him, whereas I know I'd be shaking like a leaf.

I would def think about reporting this incident though, and the threat, given there were witnesses.

You haven't made a fool of yourself!

You've become the street hero.

You just did what everyone else wishes would happen but everyone is too scared of aggravating him.

Let's hope he tones it down now. Doubt it, but would be nice.

By the way, you probably lost it because constant or repetitive noise is torture and eventually makes you snap.

I would be thrilled if one of my neighbours lost their shit at one of the dickheads who drive those stupid loud cars. I'd think very highly of them.

Good for you!

I did the same a while back - motorbike rider in the street who would just stand and rev the engine for fun at 10pm. Lost my shit and ran out screaming at him to turn it the fuck off (in my defence I was severely sleep deprived with a 7 month old going through a brutal regression, it would take me ages to get him to nap then the fucking revving would wake him).

He threatened to batter you though and your husband did nothing?!

I was renowned, pre kids, for having the longest fuse of anyone. Then I had kids. Once, a year or so ago, I was in a very small, enclosed playground. This dad came in with his 12 year old son or son, plus about 4 little kids. The little kids started running around, swearing at each other, one was calling the other a fucking bitch, they were yanking on each others hair, kicking each other, shoving each other into the dirt, swearing some more etc, meanwhile the dad, who was right next to them letting them hit each other and call each other bitch etc, was hoofing a fucking football around the playground with his oldest son, it was ricocheting off all the wooden structures and as it was such a small playground, it was smacking into other kids, smacked mine 3 fucking times, they never said sorry. Just hoofing the fucking football around whilst his feral children ran amok.

My 3 came over to me and I said, look, just stay near me, they've just said they're leaving and once they've gone, we can relax. Other people also left the playground because of them.

My oldest, who was then about 10, said one of the little girls was threatening my 6 year old daughter, saying she was going to throw her off the top of the play castle etc, kick her head in. It was insane. The family then go to leave when one of his 6 year olds turned around, stared at me, then marched up to me with a grin on her face and said "he, HE, called me a BITCH". My ds looked horrified - and my other two kids instantly said, mum, he didn't, it was HER swearing, so without looking at her because I was so angry by that point, I just held up my hand and firmly said "No, thank you. Please leave" (I worked then in a nursery and with bad behaviour we were always told to say no thank you). She stared at me. By that point the dad had left the playground, but had stopped with his back to us, obviously listening in. But not doing anything. The little girl then repeated it louder as if she couldn't believe I wasn't shouting at my ds, pointing at him and stomping her foot. "HE, HE CALLED ME A BIIIIIITCH!!!". And I couldn't help it, without looking at her, without pointing etc, I just held my hand up again and just said "NO". And that's when the dad spun around, "You don't tell other people's kids no! You don't tell other people's kids no!" etc etc. So I lost it on him. I pointed out he was hoofing that stupid ball around, how it had hit mine and other people's kids, how his kids were smacking each other and swearing and how his kid had threatened to throw mine off the top of the tower. He just kept repeating himself. So I ended it with "well if you parented your own children other people WOULDN'T HAVE TO!".

It's the only time I've ever truly lost it with someone. My mouth was just talking, and I was just so angry, and it was like I was watching myself shout at the guy out of body. I was ashamed after. But my kids still talk about "the demon child and her demon dad" and they can laugh about it now, but at the time the other kids really scared them.

Can you point out where I’ve said this please?
And no, women can't 'handle' physically aggressive men alone. What a very dangerous message to give. Violence against women and girls no big deal? Women can handle it??

I’ve worked in situations with a lot of angry and potentially violent men for a lot of years and the vast majority of the time a woman talking to that man is able to deescalate it whereas a man is less likely to be able to. Maybe the difference is that I’m pretty good at telling when it’s all noise and threat is minimal and I’m certainly not expecting that everyone should be able to do that.

But I do find it offensive to me and to my husband when there is an assumption that if he trusts me to deal with things it’s because he’s a poor specimen. He’s actually an incredibly good judge of character and will stand up for people when it’s needed, including putting himself in danger, but he also knows that there are times when it’s the wrong thing to do.

Yes another man intervening would probably escalate it.

But a man who's instinct is not to protect a women from another aggressive man who is physically threatening her is a poor specimen of a man.
Particularly if that women is his wife.
But actually if it's any women.

And no, women can't 'handle' physically aggressive men alone. What a very dangerous message to give. Violence against women and girls no big deal? Women can handle it??

They only justification for no intervention here is if the OP, her DH, and all neighbours knew with certainly he's all talk and wasn't going to hurt her.
But that's a dangerous game to play with your wife's safety.

It's shameful a man can openly threatened to hit a woman and no one intervened.

You should be proud! Sounds like the street regard you as their hero! You’ve said what everyone else has wanted to for years!

Good on them for backing you! That is needed to make arseholes like that back down. I hope things improve!

You’ve done nothing wrong.
Start recording his driving and making notes of all his anti social behaviour. Once you’ve got some evidence, go to the police.

I think you did the right thing! Well done!

I’d have been fucking fuming if DH had intervened if I were in the OP’s position.

It would have been nice to have him there for moral support, but I’m a competent adult who can deal with these things without the protection of a man.

I also know from experience that a man stepping in can just escalate the whole situation, so it’s often best if they don’t.

I would have been 100% on your side, cheering from the wings. In fact, I would have moved to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. You are one brave lady. Selfish twats like him need to be told. I'm glad most of your neighbours backed you up. Sometimes losing your shit is a good thing. Maybe this obnoxious creature might think twice in the future before revving up his boy racer and behaving in other antisocial ways.

I have no idea about this, but I wonder if it’s possible to request a speed camera from the council. One went up near us recently in an area where people speed a lot. You could email and ask, maybe

Good for you!

I'd have lost all respect for your husband though, as I cannot abide a wimp.