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Original poster

Violated by MIL

260 replies

Workaholic99 · 27/07/2024 22:04

My MIL kissed the back of my neck.

Today i was hosting a birthday party for DD2 and had invited MIL because it's the right thing to do (not because I wanted her there).

When MIL arrived she completely ignored me - for the whole party barely more the 5 words were exchanged between us! (great, no complaints from me) however, as she was leaving I had my DD on my lap and so couldn't easily get up to say good bye, so she comes from my behind and plants a slobbery kiss on the back of my neck. There was nothing to stop her coming around to my front to say bye.

I was never felt more cringed or violated in my life. It doesn't help that I really detest the woman. My DH said he saw the whole exchange and thought it was very weird.

How should I handle that in future? I never want to be in that situation again

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 28/07/2024 02:40

I actually couldn’t be in the same room as her again. There’s something quite wrong with her.

ForGreyKoala · 28/07/2024 02:39

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honestyISkind · 28/07/2024 02:27

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Opalline · 28/07/2024 02:01

And you are so incredibly fortunate to have never felt more violated in your life. I hope you never find out what being violated really feels like - and that's not sarcasm

How do you know a damn thing about what the OP has experienced?

Many women who have experienced a 'more serious' (according to this thread) violation might react more profoundly to a perceived 'minor' transgression of their boundaries.

Can we please stop making assumptions?

honestyISkind · 28/07/2024 01:53

It's definitely ick. I'd have hated that too.

Not sure she meant to "violate" you though. Seems an extreme description of something that she may have meant well.

If she ever does it or anything similar again tell her clearly you don't like it.

And you are so incredibly fortunate to have never felt more violated in your life. I hope you never find out what being violated really feels like - and that's not sarcasm.

Dial the hyperbole down if telling other people about it, that's why you are getting pushback here.

DreamTheMoors · 28/07/2024 01:49

I completely understand, OP. It’s icky.

I’d feel the same if anyone but my husband kissed me on the neck in an ambush.

Tourmalines · 28/07/2024 01:41

Well , you should have got up and said goodbye to her . But as you detest her , you couldn’t be bothered.

Opalline · 28/07/2024 01:35

Runnerinthenight · 28/07/2024 01:30

Ugh yourself. I've been violated and this is not it!

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I'm sorry that you have been violated. Many women on here will identify with that - myself included.

I will ALWAYS listen to other women. I will NEVER minimize their experience or feelings of violation.

The comments on this thread are horrible.

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 28/07/2024 01:31

labamba007 · 27/07/2024 22:41

Was it a clumsy kind of way of saying goodbye that went wrong? That's what I would think unless she has form for being perverted?

This, 100%

Runnerinthenight · 28/07/2024 01:30

Opalline · 28/07/2024 01:28

Is there a particular reason you feel in a better position than the OP to decide how they should have felt in that situation? What the fuck do you know about the OP, other than what is written here?

Violating someone is about trangressing their boundaries and issues of consent. It includes unwanted touching, kissing, etc.

Women telling other women to pipe down when they feel vulnerable, violated or whatever is just awful, notably the first several posters on this thread, all trying to minimise the OP's experience. Imagine saying those thing to your own daughter.

Ugh.

Show quote history

Ugh yourself. I've been violated and this is not it!

Opalline · 28/07/2024 01:28

Runnerinthenight · 28/07/2024 00:59

While it may have been repulsive and unwelcome, I think "violated" is way OTT!

Is there a particular reason you feel in a better position than the OP to decide how they should have felt in that situation? What the fuck do you know about the OP, other than what is written here?

Violating someone is about trangressing their boundaries and issues of consent. It includes unwanted touching, kissing, etc.

Women telling other women to pipe down when they feel vulnerable, violated or whatever is just awful, notably the first several posters on this thread, all trying to minimise the OP's experience. Imagine saying those thing to your own daughter.

Ugh.

Mumoftwo1316 · 28/07/2024 01:26

Wingedharpy · 28/07/2024 00:26

I once kissed my plumber as I was seeing him out after he'd been working at my home for the day - and he was due to come back the following day too.
To this day, I have no idea why I did it.
I can only assume I was elsewhere in my head.

Could this have been similar to your MIL?

Yes I think it must have been something like this. She meant to kiss the baby, who op was holding, and just absent mindedly got the wrong neck. Surely?

Yanbu for being utterly grossed out, op

Windchiming · 28/07/2024 01:25

It is weird op. Ask MIL why she did that and you would want her not to do that again.

But I am more interested to know the details when a poster kissed a plumber good bye 😅 @Wingedharpytell us more

Runnerinthenight · 28/07/2024 01:23

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Have you ever known anyone who has been violated??

GoldenLegend · 28/07/2024 01:20

I’d be completely grossed out by this and I think it’s bloody weird of your MIL.

HolyPeaches · 28/07/2024 01:17

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TheCoolOliveBalonz · 28/07/2024 01:11

I think I would violated if my MIL or anyone other than my husband kissed me on the back of my neck. It's intimate. Frankly it's gross. What is wrong with her?

duc748 · 28/07/2024 01:03

The neck is a fucking weird place to kiss someone you're not shagging.

Simply this, surely?

Runnerinthenight · 28/07/2024 00:59

While it may have been repulsive and unwelcome, I think "violated" is way OTT!

Opalline · 28/07/2024 00:58

SeeSeeRider · 28/07/2024 00:32

Pass the popcorn!

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Fuck. I cannot BELIEVE some of the comments here. Sprigatito thank you for your post. I hope that some of the absolute arseholes on this thread, tripping over themselves to tell the OP that she shouldn't feel how she feels read it and learn something.

Jesus.

SeeSeeRider · 28/07/2024 00:32

Pinkespressomachine · 28/07/2024 00:30

I think this is perhaps the best thing I’ve ever read on the internet!

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Pass the popcorn!

Pinkespressomachine · 28/07/2024 00:30

Wingedharpy · 28/07/2024 00:26

I once kissed my plumber as I was seeing him out after he'd been working at my home for the day - and he was due to come back the following day too.
To this day, I have no idea why I did it.
I can only assume I was elsewhere in my head.

Could this have been similar to your MIL?

I think this is perhaps the best thing I’ve ever read on the internet!

Ponoka7 · 28/07/2024 00:26

combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:37

O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.

Women don't kiss each other on the back of the neck. It's an intimate place to kiss someone.

Wingedharpy · 28/07/2024 00:26

I once kissed my plumber as I was seeing him out after he'd been working at my home for the day - and he was due to come back the following day too.
To this day, I have no idea why I did it.
I can only assume I was elsewhere in my head.

Could this have been similar to your MIL?

WhichEllie · 28/07/2024 00:23

That’s really disgusting and bizarre. It’s completely reasonable to be revolted by it and not want to be near her. I sure as hell would feel the same.

I would refuse to be around her without your husband around and would make sure she couldn’t easily invade my personal space again. I’d also just back way off from seeing her though.

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