Violated by MIL

OP, I would demand my DH address this and make sure it doesn’t happen again. He needs to call his mom, tell her he saw it and thinks it’s out of line and to not do it again. Because it does sound like a weird power play, your DH doesn’t need to tell her you were disturbed by it. He needs to stress that he finds it disturbing that he won’t tolerate it.

My MIL tries to use forced affection as a power play. She has a history of either ignoring me or making underhanded statements to/about me during visits, then hanging all over me when it’s time for us to leave. My DH is quick to intercept her because he knows I don’t like it. Thankfully, she hasn’t tried to kiss on me.

Thought you might. Don't let the door etc.

ODFOD.

It’s a massive violation of personal space. Fucking gross.

I’d be keeping my eyes on her from now on.

Sadly, the flying monkey harridans from hell appear to have landed.

On any mumsnet post, no matter the conversation, and regardless of how they actually feel about anything, the harridans from hell Mumsnet Monkeys may land, screeching.

These are the sort of women who would have been comfortable as a bully second class in school. They see the head bully being undermined and they fly around to screech their approval.

They do not care, at all, about the subject matter, but they feel a desperate need to win.

They are incredibly tedious and will deflect, derail and jab from different angles in an attempt to wound and win the argument.

You cannot debate a flying monkey as they are making it up as they go.

Projection too is the name of the game as they ascribe the sort of vile feelings they themselves are capable of to anybody who disagrees with them.

So I will have to bow out now because it's boring and pointless to stay around as a target for Flying Monkeys.

So, just once more OP. Sorry this happened, it was a bit ick and gross. If she tries it again speak up clearly and confidently.

And stop saying violated as it's OTT and hyperbolic and you won't win anybody to your cause by doing that.

Ciao xox

You sound fairly dense and incapable of intelligent debate.

No friend of women, either.

that is so weird. Just wildly inappropriate and unsettling. I would feel a bit violated too by that, especially if she's problematic.

Yes, your comment is indeed one of the nastiest I've read in a while.

So, as stated the OP is OTT and she will continue to be told that by me.

Post on an opinion site, you get opinions. End.

As stated, the OP was OTT. Most agree. She will continue to be told that by me.

I hope by continuing to belittle and undermine someone with unhelpful comments, makes you feel just that tiny bit more better about yourself. I really do.

End 🙏🏼 ❤

Fuck me, your comment is one of the nastiest I've read in a while.

It's blindingly obvious that's not what that poster is doing. They are defending the OP's right to use the language she wants to describe her own experience.

It's like a fucking Trump convention on this thread.

Power play? Yuck, that makes her sound like a rapist.

OP, it is gross.

To do that to somebody you are not on good terms with is

I'm guessing it was a spur of the moment thing and she totally regrets it as well.

I can't imagine she would do it it again.

If she does, you will definitely have to tell her not to.

You see nothing.

As stated, the OP was OTT. Most agree. She will continue to be told that by me.

It's irrational to tell some women to shut up and insist that nobody is allowed to tell the OP they disagree.

No amount of attempted escalation on your part will shift my simple, fair view.

Keep burbling on, I will just keep stating the same thing and not rise to the attempted goading and logical fallacies.

She posted on an opinion site. She will receive opinions. End.

Ah I see it.

You think it’s totally acceptable for people to undermine the OP and call her OTT. That her own feelings and experiences are invalid?

She should just be a good woman shouldn’t she? Just sit back, put up and shut up, take the “opinions” on the chin?

But any comments that challenge these unkind and unhelpful comments are trying to “silence” and shouldn’t be shared?

Yeah, I’m glad to end our discussion here too. Goodnight.

@Workaholic99 maybe she'd had a bit too much sherry on departure and felt affection but didn't want to disturb you.
But omw my mil wasn't a fan of mine and had she done that I'd have shuddered for a decade at least 😐

I am dreading being a MIL seeing the way some DIL’s talk about them. No doubt had she not bothered doing anything you’d complain about that too. I think many women see their MIL as competition and no doubt some MIL see their DIL as competition. Son’s can love more than 1 person simultaneously.

If MIL wanted to interact with OP, the thing to do would have been to talk to her, not kiss her on the neck. How does that need explaining?

Yes, there are indeed many fucked, up, sickening women who try to shout other women down and try to silence any opinions they disagree with.

Dreadful behaviour.

You post online on an opinion site, you get opinions. End.

The OP didn’t ask for opinions on how she reacted, or how she felt, or how she should feel.

Her actual question was: How should I handle that in future? I never want to be in that situation again?

Imagine reading a post from a woman, sharing an experience where they felt uncomfortable and violated, and other women totally shut her down and undermine her. “Oh OP you’re so OTT. Poor MIL”.

Feeling violated, no matter if you received an unsolicited cat-call or peck on the neck, or if you’ve experienced extreme physical or sexual violence, should never be met with condescending and undermining comments.

Some of the comments on this thread just shows how truly fucked up society is. Sickening.

@Workaholic99 please NEVER ever, let anyone undermine your experiences or tell you how you should feel.

And I stand by mine. Everyone has the right to tell her she is OTT. I think she is OTT. Don't ask for opinions if you don't want to hear them.

Instructing one set of women to shut up while telling them that another woman you happen to agree with must never be told she is wrong is illogical.

Yes, mumsnetters do indeed often disgust me too.

I'm not dreading being an MIL at all, despite mumsnetters pointing out often that their mother's in law are appalling people and reading so many family issues on here.

That's because I can maintain boundaries, I don't try to steamroller new mums, I never try to appropriate what's not mine, I am respectful and compassionate, I don't think I am more important than other people in my family, and if my daughter in law turns out to be unpleasant I will keep my distance, maintain a great relationship with my son and manage it like an adult rather than trying to constantly win.

@honestyISkind That doesn't, in any way, give anybody the right to tell other women how to speak, feel or what opinions to give.

I was asked the question of “Have you ever known anyone who has been violated?” And I answered it.

I stand by what I said in my previous post - no one has the right to tell the OP she is being OTT. If she feels violated, then she feels violated, and she shouldn’t be undermined. Especially by other women. But I’m hardly surprised at some of these comments. Mumsnet never fails to disgust me.

I am dreading being a MIL seeing the way some DIL’s talk about them. No doubt had she not bothered doing anything you’d complain about that too. I think many women see their MIL as competition and no doubt some MIL see their DIL as competition. Son’s can love more than 1 person simultaneously.

I generally don't discuss the time I was throttled nearly to death or the other horrific things that have happened to me, because it's not, actually, relevant and I'm not trying to silence anyone else.

Being sexually assaulted, raped and violently beaten is common. Has happened to many of us.

That doesn't, in any way, give anybody the right to tell other women how to speak, feel or what opinions to give.

If we were walking up to the OP and, uninvited, telling her not to be so ridiculous that would be one thing.

But the OP posted and the OP will receive responses.

She herself stated "never felt more cringed or violated in my life".

Hope her good fortune continues, no sarcasm intended.

You don't get to shout other women down because of your own experiences.

If she stops being so hyperbolic more people will have sympathy for her. Fact.

This 😂

If that's the case, then she would have known this was a shitty thing to do to OP. If you can't talk to someone, you definitely don't get to kiss them on the neck. Proves the point how disgusting it was.

Trigger Warning!!!

Yes. Myself. I was r*ped when I was at university.

If the OP feels violated by a kiss on the neck then she has every right to feel violated. I would too if someone did that to me. Nobody should shame her or undermine her feelings. Nobody.

I'm sorry that you have been violated. Many women on here will identify with that - myself included.

I will ALWAYS listen to other women. I will NEVER minimize their experience or feelings of violation.

The comments on this thread are horrible.

Well said. Some of the comments in this thread are disgusting.