Violated by MIL

It was a weird power play.

It was actually a gift. Now you don’t have to have her in your house ever again.

I doubt your mother-in-law thought it out and she was rather clumsy with her 'goodbye' kiss, however I'm sure she meant not harm and 'violated' is a ridiculously strong word. You obviously don't like her and probably convey that to her, which would make her quiet and nervous around you.

Try to put it behind you, you haven't been abused.

If someone I liked randomly sloppy kissed me from
behind on the back of my neck I’d be grossed out …

You don't like her, anything she does will be wrong!

Was she drunk?

I agree with the poster saying it was probably a clumsy goodbye. You clearly don’t like her so I don’t think you’d have been happy with any interaction. She’s probably mortified (if it was an accident)

as for the “violated” debate. Violating someone can be done many ways - not just SAs. Violating is a disrespectful act or crossing someone’s boundaries - surely what Mil done (if on purpose) is just that?

I don't think I would raise it after the event but if it happens again I would address it in the moment

What would have happened if you had stood up?

A hug?
Kiss on the cheek?

Is a kiss normal as a good bye?

I would find this absolutely repellent and I cannot believe people are minimising it!

Being kissed unexpectedly on the back of the neck:
By husband, best friend - fine
By someone else you have a positive or neutral relationship with - a bit weird
By someone you have a negative relationship with - actively aggressive

Her being your MIL has nothing to do with it.

I would have a short sharp word next time you see her. "Please don't ever do that again" you should do it.

This, ffs!

More fake stories for views. Sad really

Ah, i see. You don't want to justify your overly dramatic use of a word, as pointed out by many PPs, you just want people to agree with you.
Ok.

Your lack of insight in to your own behaviour is telling. Sharing your opinion once is grand. But to then state you will continually do that with the OP, sounds a lot like the bullying behaviour you so clearly detest from some of us.

OP, I’m sorry so many people have tried to make you out as being OTT. You are perfectly entitled to feel the way you do and use the language you see fit to describe it. People may not agree but who cares? This happened to you not to them so they can’t begin to understand how this made you feel. If this had happened to me with my MIL I would feel the same way as I dislike mine intensely. She has crossed a boundary with you. I don’t agree this is just a DH problem. Yes, he can stand up for you on your behalf but she needs to hear from you how this made you feel and why it was wrong. So do it together as a united front.

As a person who experienced SA as a child, your use of violated is rather extreme imho.

To violate means to break a rule or formal agreement.

In this case, the accepted rule in social events is that you don't slobber kiss other people's necks without consent, especially if you're otherwise not that friendly with them.

So actually the use of this word is correct.

I get that it's an emotive word and is often understood as meaning sexual violation but in this case it's both accurate and valid.

Sorry to spoil the weird pleasure some people get from pouncing on the OP for hours.... maybe go get some fresh air?

So apparently OP, you’re only allowed to feel violated when everyone agrees. It seems like you can’t have your own feelings and opinions.

I am the same but that doesn’t mean your DIL won’t take a dislike to you, for whatever reason. I don’t think these MIL who are hated here are all people who don’t maintain boundaries etc. It doesn’t take much for some women to take a dislike

Gross…. I can only imagine myself in that situation and I would have frozen to the spot and then been unable to shower off the revulsion.

Tbh you sound as bad as each other

@Workaholic99 That would give me the boak and yeah, I'd still be able to feel where she'd kissed me hours later. Horrible.

As for the fucking competition over who qualifies as violated and who doesn't - fuck right off.

You all know damn well if this had been the FIL, BIL, any bloke, up to and including the OP's DH if the attention was unwanted, the term 'violated' would not be being debated here.

You think it’s totally acceptable for people to undermine the OP and call her OTT. That her own feelings and experiences are invalid?

Yes.

Everyone should be able to be told they are wrong

Sorry @honestyISkind, I have to agree with @Tartanic that you're not coming across well here.

Particularly parroting back that "yes your post is one of the nastiest I've seen...." when it really wasn't.

I think you lost any ground you had when you took that route in the argument.

I don't think there's really any need to equate the OP's situation to rape or domestic violence / abuse.

She is in a situation with an individual who she does not get on with. Spent an afternoon in her company and they barely spoke. This individual then did something very strange, inappropriate and sexual when the OP wasn't in a position to stop her.

As I said in a previous post, I would hope it was just a clumsy way of saying goodbye, a spur of the moment thing that the MIL instantly regretted. But it doesn't change that the OP felt very uncomfortable. I would too.

The fact that OP says it's the most violated she's ever felt in her life doesn't really mean she should count herself grateful she's never been raped, does it?

The dynamics and position of power that MIL may have, or tries to have, cannot be overlooked. If this was done by a MIL she was on good terms with, or a friend, I doubt the OP would be feeling like this.