Violated by MIL

This. You reap what you sow.

With every post OP is revealing open hostility to her MIL and wringing every last drop out of their original spat. It’s now a long running feud and will compromise her DH’s and eventually her DC’s relationships with MIL.

I think OP displays an appalling lack of maturity in putting this above the well being of the rest of her family. Not to mention her interpretation of the womans’ current behaviour towards her. If l was regarded in as rude and hostile manner as OP seems to regard MIL, l’d be quiet and melt into the background at family gatherings too, and l wouldn’t be up for much in the way of direct conversation.

MIL came to say goodbye. She was met with the OP’s back and the usual hostility - she could easily have put the child down and given her full attention. The fact that she didn’t speaks volumes - the ‘why should l’ approach, followed by the ridiculous notion that MIL somehow violated her by kissing the only bit that OP showed her - her back. How hard would it be for the OP to recognise that MIL may be trying to mend fences, and at least meet her half way. The alternative is a very difficult way forward with a woman who, like it or not, is part of her family and will have a role in her children’s’ lives.

If you believe your MiL capable of using a kiss as a form of assault upon you, regardless of whether youre correct or not, your relationship is entirely broken.You and your H need to have a conversation where this is acknowledged and a plan in place for his contact with his mother that doesn't involve you. There is no reason he should not continue a separate relationship with her without you coming into contact with her, and he'd be strongly advised to do so. Accusations that his mother 'violated' his wife are not something to be brushed off, for either woman's sake.

Don't be childish. You must have known she was making moves to leave? I doubt she announced it then suddenly kissed your neck literally one second later? Your child is 2. You haven't just given birth. You can manage to leave your chair.

She came to see your DD for her birthday. It was rude of you to not get up and see her to the door as I'm sure you would have done with the guests you actually like and wanted there. Stop being in denial about your own behaviour here, which sounds no better than hers. Even if you don't like her much, she's your child's grandmother and your husband's mother. Try for their sake to plaster on a smile and be civil towards her. At least acknowledge her when she's leaving. Then she wouldn't need to lunge at the back of your neck.

Ys, I think perhaps the MIL was making a definite point that the OP was being rude by not getting up to say goodbye and not even turning to face her.

The OP says the MIL ignored her when she arrived, but that goes both ways. The MIL could arguably say that the OP ignored her. I think by kissing her on the back of the neck the MIL is sending a slightly passive aggressive message of 'well at least I'm making an effort to be friendly and warm towards you, even if all I get is the back of your head as you know I'm leaving.'

It’s not hard to put any child at any age on the floor while you get up off a chair

Could MIL be sick? Perhaps she’s got some underlying health issue and in the moment was confused. Did she have intent of touching you oddly? Even if this happened to me, my mind would not go there. Just sounds like a last minute misjudgement. Can’t you give her the benefit of doubt? Probably as others have said she was probably aiming for the baby- in her mind.

Well considering the wider context of your MiL and how she’s behaved towards you in the past, I think you need to communicate next time - if not this time - in clear terms how you feel about her and he does need to take action to protect you from her.

He’s a married man and father, it’s not good enough for him to say he can’t stand up to his mum.

I’d definitely reduce contact if things continue as they have been without him saying anything.

Then op should have got off her butt , and had the manners to get and and say goodbye . She was not going to get up . Rude as fuck .

I have looked through all of my previous posts.

And I still can’t find any where I have said “posters are trying to silence the OP”. So…. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Look it up for yourself.

If you aren’t friendly enough to approach someone from the front, you certainly don’t kiss them from behind.

@Workaholic99 You’re welcome😊& I hope
you’re okay. A lot of threads on AIBU turn hostile sadly, I think a lot of users just enjoy telling any thread starter that they’re OTT, dramatic, hormonal, etc etc. They get a kick out of being deliberately unhelpful and unkind to people who just want advice.

Please directly quote the post where I said that.

You did.

I didn’t say anyone was trying to silence the OP.

I was responding to a comment who was saying I was trying to silence another poster - by telling them they shouldn’t minimise the OP’s experience by calling her OTT. If she felt violated by her MIL she has every right to say she felt that way. Her feelings are 100% valid.

A lot of posters on here are not sympathetic or helpful. At all. You only need to read the first couple of replies.

Lol. Yes they did. Try reading the thread again before you quote me.

“combinationpadlock · Yesterday 22:37
O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.”

@Workaholic99 I think your DH has to confront his mother and ask her what she was playing at. She needs to understand that her relationship with all of you and especially her granddaughter is at stake. There's no question it was a bizarre thing to do, especially as you don't have a good relationship.

If she persistently crosses boundaries, then there is no way to deal with it other than go LC. It sounds as if you would prefer that anyway, and that is fine.

OP never said she felt sexually violated. She said she felt violated.

Language matters. Stop gatekeeping.

Then you and DD shouldn’t see MIL until your DH is able to confront her. I don’t mean only about this. He needs to be able to protect you both in the moment. The future relationship is on him. He can read books, listen to podcasts, get therapy, etc… to learn how to stand up for you to MIL if he wants you and any children to have a relationship with her. If he chooses not to do that, he visits alone. If the situation arises again that you are in MIL’s company, he needs to accept that you will stand up for yourself and you won’t try to preserve the relationship while doing it.

How rude. I would feel violated if someone I didn’t even like came up behind me and kissed me on the neck too!

I don't think the OP is "whinging" actually! Would you accept this from your MIL?!

That's an overreaction. The OP was perfectly entitled to feel grossed out and repulsed!

That's utter rubbish. It was the hyperbole in the OP that attracted the responses it got. I think we can all agree that the MIL's action was repulsive, gross, unacceptable, unnerving, whatever, and the post would have garnered a very different response had it been couched differently.

Literally no-one is trying to silence her and the majority of posters are sympathetic to her discomfiture, but let's call a spade a spade!