Violated by MIL

I once kissed my boss (same sex) after we’d had a pub lunch. My immediate boss was there and kissed her goodbye. I then did too. I think I felt awkward and as we’d had 1 glass of wine with lunch it didn’t seem that weird. The next day I felt bloody stupid. I also remembered that the other two had known each other almost 30 years so it wasn’t that weird for them 🤷‍♀️

Wow.

i think if you already are taking loaaaads of space from her. Just do that. Do not react. Let your hubby handle anything with regards to her. Completely back off.

in the future, make sure a wall, a tree or else is behind you :)

it is yukee 🫣 but please do not engage!

good luck 🌺

That’s awful but don’t think its really a violation.
Your OH should have a word with her.

Totally agree.

If you feel able to OP I'd send a text saying you don't want her to kiss you again and it overstepped a personal boundary. Ideally you would have yelled "what the hell are you doing??" At the time but I completely understand why that may not have been possible

Agree with this. If anyone kisses you on the neck and you don't have a chance to say no or they aren't your partner with who you have that sort of relationship then yes it can feel violating.

How old is she? People sometimes lose inhibition with age, and with dementia. Alternately, she might have watched what a lovely party you gave and felt a surge of love for you, her daughter in law?

Violated is a bit strong. Had she been drinking?

Ah yes, because she wasn’t in fact responding in kind to those posters addressing her with sarcasm and open hostility, with a side helping of language gatekeeping. This is of course a problem for those who expect her to be suitably cowed.

What was the point? To vent and let off steam, presumably. Not exactly unusual for posters on AIBU.

I'm just wondering how she wanted to be in the delivery suite with the OP when she lives four hours away, and why she sent her DGD a set of skewers for her first birthday. Surely that wasn't deliberate or intended?

I think the OP posting here was a waste of time. She had clearly made up her mind about her MIL before she posted, and doesn’t appear to be inclined to listen to any other point of view than that of those who agree it’s all her MIL’s fault, so what was the point ?

The last few of OP’s posts gave her away in my opinion. She was sarcastic, ignored questions, and applied the same open hostility towards posters who didn’t agree with her or were offering up possible alternatives. In the process l think she showed us something of who she is. I for one, feel quite sorry for MIL now. It seems to me that regardless of whatever caused the original bad feeling, she can’t do anything right for OP now - everything is perceived as against her.

Why does everyone go detective mode? Just help the poster with some advice or don’t.

This, exactly. Wherever you stand on the issue it’s not right for OP to just carry on as normal.

You don’t have the defend or explain yourself to anyone on here. You know your family and the existing dynamics of it, and as such you’ve got a better understanding as to her intentions.

This was unacceptable to you, and you found it to be a violation. Consider where you want to go from here with your MIL, as I’m sure you are doing, but at the very least I would make it clear to her that you won’t accept that from her.

That poster wasn’t aggressive. They were simply trying to offer up a different point of view. You said you came here looking for advice, but l suspect what you were really after was confirmation of your own point of view. It really doesn’t help your case that you’re vague on detail, respond to questions with sarcasm and extend the hostility you show to your MIL to posters here if they don’t agree with your characterisation of her. You’re right. We’re random strangers on the internet, we don’t know you or your MIL beyond what you tell us, but so far what you haven’t said speaks volumes.

Agree

With respect, OP why make your life and your husbands life more complicated than it needs to be. Can you not find any common ground at all with a woman you have SO much in common with?

In other words you’re not prepared to take on board anything we’ve said.

Oh dear , keep on sinking .

Wow, OP. I think you just proved that posters’ point !!

In other words you can’t. Because she didn’t.

Actually she didn’t. Read the post again.

And in posting these definitions you’ve clearly missed the distinction between similar and literary. Literary meaning is rape or sexual assault. That’s why posters are calling you out, because some have experience of actual violation and perceive you to be trivialising it.

And to be honest l can’t see where your MILs’ behaviour satisfies the similar meanings to be honest. She came to say goodbye. You couldn’t be bothered to get up, so she kissed the only bit of you you were prepared to show her. Your back. Not saying you haven’t got cause to resent her OP, if what you say is true, but although you have every right not to want her present at the delivery of her grandchild, it sounds as though you were very blunt in your refusal. The fact that she asked in the first place indicates some sort of need. And you were very vague when posters questioned how you could be certain it was MIL spreading those rumours.

You display more and more hostility to your MIL with each post and if MILs’ behaviour is an indication that she wants to mend fences, that hostility is preventing you from recognising the signs - everything she does is interpreted as somehow against you. You’re setting a very difficult path which will affect your whole family if you don’t both find a way to live peacefully, and to do that you need to meet each other half way. It sounds as though she’s already trying. The rest is up to you.

I asked about MIL’s age and any other odd behaviour that might indicate the onset of dementia or something. Was told she’s in her fifties and no other odd behaviour - although l wonder about the events surrounding the original problem. Wanting to be in the delivery suite and then alleged maliciousness after being told no, indicates a need of some sort, although OP has been vague about the details.