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Original poster

Violated by MIL

260 replies

Workaholic99 · 27/07/2024 22:04

My MIL kissed the back of my neck.

Today i was hosting a birthday party for DD2 and had invited MIL because it's the right thing to do (not because I wanted her there).

When MIL arrived she completely ignored me - for the whole party barely more the 5 words were exchanged between us! (great, no complaints from me) however, as she was leaving I had my DD on my lap and so couldn't easily get up to say good bye, so she comes from my behind and plants a slobbery kiss on the back of my neck. There was nothing to stop her coming around to my front to say bye.

I was never felt more cringed or violated in my life. It doesn't help that I really detest the woman. My DH said he saw the whole exchange and thought it was very weird.

How should I handle that in future? I never want to be in that situation again

OP posts:
UnNiddeRides · 28/07/2024 00:06

as you dislike her then wherever she’d done it; cheek; top of the head; hand; would have been wrong. Make it clear to her that you don’t want that kind of physical contact from her.

sprigatito · 27/07/2024 23:57

I don't think violated is too strong a word at all. I am a survivor of serious sexual assault (as are a depressingly large percentage of women) and I would definitely feel violated to have an act as intimate as this imposed on me by someone I didn't have that sort of relationship with. I'm imagining my MIL doing it (she'd rather eat her own feet than touch me, thankfully) and it would really upset me.

Sarahzb · 27/07/2024 23:56

Yes Weird Don't slime on me again!
Disrespectful and unwanted to make you feel horrid

HoundStretcher · 27/07/2024 23:49

I'd hate anyone kissing me on the neck other than my partner.

For your MIL to do this after the two of you had hardly spoken and obviously don't have a good relationship, it's even more weird. 🤮

Tell her never to do it again.

dutysuite · 27/07/2024 23:42

Depends on the situation if my mil couldn’t get past and did this it wouldn’t bother me but then I hug and cheek kiss my MIL.

Devilsmommy · 27/07/2024 22:47

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 22:42

If my MIL kissed me on the neck I'd think it was sweet. Am I weird?

Yes, yea you are 😂

DaniMontyRae · 27/07/2024 22:45

combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:37

O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.

Oh give over. How many women have you kissed on the back of the neck as a way of saying goodbye? My number is zero and I bet yours is too.

StupendousConfectionary · 27/07/2024 22:45

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Itisjustmyopinion · 27/07/2024 22:44

Well you don’t sound very delightful yourself the way you talk about her so if it was a power play then who knows if it was deserved

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 22:42

If my MIL kissed me on the neck I'd think it was sweet. Am I weird?

StrongasSixpence · 27/07/2024 22:41

combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:37

O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.

A peck on the cheek is normal and not a big deal, even if you dislike personal touching.

A wet, open mouth kiss on the back of the neck is very, very odd. Don't deny that just to play the fave MN game of having a pop at the OP.

labamba007 · 27/07/2024 22:41

Was it a clumsy kind of way of saying goodbye that went wrong? That's what I would think unless she has form for being perverted?

MonsteraMama · 27/07/2024 22:40

combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:37

O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.

Oh give over, not a single woman in my family has ever kissed me on the back of the neck and I'm from a very cuddly, physically affectionate family. The neck is a fucking weird place to kiss someone you're not shagging.

StrongasSixpence · 27/07/2024 22:38

It's a really weird thing to do and I would be disgusted. It's an intimate place to target, especially in a slobbery way. Urgh.

I'd just completely avoid her from now on.

combinationpadlock · 27/07/2024 22:37

O good grief, poor MIL, just gave her DIL a kiss on the way out! A non-lip kiss between two women is a completely normal non event, even if you don't like it.

Original poster
Workaholic99 · 27/07/2024 22:29

magicmushrooms · 27/07/2024 22:22

Appreciate it was an unpleasant & unwanted & weird but it is a DH issue - he needs to deal with it. Suspect it was a power play thing from MIL whilst you could not get up.

Definitely a power play and Definitely not the first time she's tried playing games. ----

OP posts:
Original poster
Workaholic99 · 27/07/2024 22:27

Yes I've felt more violated before but this was completely unexpected and gross. I can psychologically still feel where I was kissed

OP posts:
Cantrushart · 27/07/2024 22:27

It sounds as though she would have encountered too many prickles if she'd approached from the front. Same reason she avoided talking to you.

Original poster
Workaholic99 · 27/07/2024 22:26

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 27/07/2024 22:20

Stop being twats please! OP is perfectly entitled to her feelings. Would you be minimising them if it had been FIL who kissed her fucking neck without consent? It's utterly gross and inappropriate. Your DH should be having a word with her.

Thank you x

OP posts:
DameMargaretofChalfont · 27/07/2024 22:26

magicmushrooms · 27/07/2024 22:22

Appreciate it was an unpleasant & unwanted & weird but it is a DH issue - he needs to deal with it. Suspect it was a power play thing from MIL whilst you could not get up.

NO. This is not a DH issue.

Any female has the right to stand up for themselves and point out that something is making them feel uncomfortable. Women should not have to sit back meekly and await a man's intervention.

I don't see this as a "Violation" but, equally, OP should speak out and not rely on her DH.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/07/2024 22:26

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 27/07/2024 22:20

Stop being twats please! OP is perfectly entitled to her feelings. Would you be minimising them if it had been FIL who kissed her fucking neck without consent? It's utterly gross and inappropriate. Your DH should be having a word with her.

She's entitled to her feelings and frankly I would have been repulsed. But she must be aware that word has connotations and there will be women who have experienced much worse who will have feelings about that.

Both can be true at the same time.

DameMargaretofChalfont · 27/07/2024 22:23

Well, it's slightly odd, but to use the word "violated" is ridiculous!

OP - give yourself a shake and come back down to earth.

You HAVE NOT been violated - your MIL did something that you didn't like.
Just point this out to her and move on.

And then think about women (and men) who have genuinely been violated in the past and reconsider your terminology!!

Epicaricacy · 27/07/2024 22:23

Have you thought about looking for the definition of "violated" in a dictionary?

Wizardcalledoz · 27/07/2024 22:23

Really weird - Id make sure she wasnt behind me at home time again!

magicmushrooms · 27/07/2024 22:22

Appreciate it was an unpleasant & unwanted & weird but it is a DH issue - he needs to deal with it. Suspect it was a power play thing from MIL whilst you could not get up.

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