Violated by MIL

I think you should have said something there and then… even just a ‘what was that?!!!!’or a blunt ‘eww, don’t do that!’

I think next time she’s over you need to just be prepared!

What a riveting, helpful input.

Cringing for you.

So? What does her not being a stranger have to do with it? She’s someone that OP doesn’t have a good relationship with, that she didn’t invite physical contact with.

Oh just fuck off .

She is hardly a stranger is she?

You are being utterly ridiculous.

Here’s another.

Apparently it is helpful to provide the definitions, given the amount of posters that seemingly haven’t encountered the word outside of one specific context.

If the MIL was in fact making overtures (clearly debatable), then she would be better served by instigating conversation with OP, rather do things that, considering the context, can be badly misinterpreted.

‘Probably’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting when taking into account that this is someone you don’t even know, who historically has a very strained relationship with the OP.

As has been said several times, she would have known MIL was leaving, and if MiL saw she had her hands full with DD on her lap and was making no effort to get up, it was probably no more than an impulse. And one that she probably deeply regrets given OP’s OTT reaction.

Have a look at the definitions she posted. Not one of them applies to what actually happened. And I don’t think posting those definitions was intended to be ‘helpful’,but that’s beside the point. I suppose we’ll all have our own opinions because we can’t know the actual situation. My own feeling is that it was less than wise, shall we say, to come on to MN and use a triggering word like ‘violated’ to create drama where there really is none. Reading through the OP’s posts, especially the latter ones, I get the strong impression that OP is determined to carry on this feud no matter what. Her own hostility towards her MIL will continue to blind her to any overtures the woman may make towards a resolution because the OP feels that everything is a slight.

She didn’t ‘need’ to do what she did. Not kissing her was an option.

Someone being rude isn’t generally considered to be an open initiation to kiss them.

Plenty have been.

From side helping to second course. Yes, she felt violated so she used the word, and helpfully provided the definition for those who took issue. ‘Violated’ is not only used in context of sexual assault, and it’s usage to describe OP’s feelings in regards to unwanted physical contact isn’t something that anyone has the authority to withhold from her on the basis that they think she shouldn’t feel it.

What MIL is up against is someone that isn’t going to roll over and accept whatever she feels inclined to dish out. Good.

I'll bet she was going for a kiss on the cheek, fully expecting you, if you really couldn't get up from where you were sitting, to at least manage to turn your head a little.

Your not being able or willing to budge an inch was not in her plan, but she was already coming in for the slobbery smackeroo. She kind of had to quickly decide whether to abort or crash land. She went for the latter option because you may still have, at the very last second, decided you were able to accept a kiss on the cheek, and it all would have resulted in a passable good-bye peck.

What finally happened therefore was probably as displeasing to her as it was to you.

Haven't rtft so others may have also said very similar...

As a child I dreaded the wet sloppy kiss from my grandmother. I'm a survivor!! Oh and there was the big slobbery Labrador.

That's how it read to me too

Look, OP, cringey - yes, but as pps have said, this was probably your MIL's clumsy way of working around you showing your back at good-bye time.

I am one of the many people on here who have been assaulted, most of the times sexually but twice just a "regular" whacking by strangers in the street. One of my sexual assaults was so violent my feet left the ground from the force applied. So yes, "violated" is not the word to use in this company and in this context.

I know the difference between "violated" and "violent", btw, in case I'm about to be challenged on that. People are violated more often than they are violently violated.

In this case OP's skin is still crawling, I get that, but honestly I bet your MIL is cringing too. She won't need a lecture from anyone concerning "boundaries", as I can almost guarantee she regrets the kiss as much as you do... and will be very unlikely to repeat it!

Exactly. I get the feeling that OP is determined to carry on this feud no matter what. If MIL is trying to build bridges the OP’s own hostility is blinding her to it, and everything she does is perceived as a slight. She rudely showed the woman her back as she was leaving then created drama because MIL plonked a kiss on the back of her neck because it was the only bit she could get at.

How about she just puts down her child for a minute and actually says goodbye properly to her MIL, instead of showing the woman her back as she was leaving. Then MIL wouldn’t have needed to do what she did.

No. Not everyone who disagreed with OP were sarcastic and hostile. Quite a few posters tried to advocate for a reasonable solution, and were met with replies like ‘is that you MIL’ !! You’re probably right in that OP came on to vent because she clearly didn’t want any advice that differed from her own point of view.

And the side helping of language gate keeping was because OP used the word ‘violated’ to describe a peck on the back of the neck from a family member at a birthday party - most likely the result of her own rudeness in showing her back to MIL when she was leaving. That word is triggering for many posters who have experienced violence and abuse, so OP should have known she’d be called out on it, and how did she reply ? She posted definitions of the word. So add patronising and insulting to openly hostile and you begin to see what MIL is up against.

There are rape victims and survivors of child abuse on here.

You were not violated and imo its offensive to suggest you were.

Maybe she’s just stupid. Maybe her way of trying to build a relationship with you but is going about it the wrong way.

Are you being serious

Defo weird, was she drunk? I wouldn't say it was a violation, heck real violation is far worse! Intrusive and uncomfortable yes. So she ignored you then did this, her way of showing love or being an arse, possibly both?

Ew that is absolutely disgusting! My skin would have crawled that much I’d need to go to hospital. Obviously you’ll be ready for it next time and if she tries it, I’d just say ‘don’t do that please, it creeps me out a bit.’ You freaky strange old lezza

Would you feel different about it if you loved her?

Haven't read the whole thread:

1. Rearrange the furniture so nobody can get to the back of your neck (or whoever's sitting in that seat) without you seeing them.

1. Physical things like this can be met with verbal or physical responses - whatever seems right at the time. "Stop kissing my neck" is a perfectly good sentence.