To still be angry at my parents for this?

Dear OP, that post tugged at my heartstrings. You poor thing. I think that the shame gets put on to us when our parents do something so unfathamable and against the natural order of things. I’m not surprised that you find it impossible to let it go or even speak of it. Most of us deep down are scared we will be rejected. Rejection in some deep sense and certainly on a primal level spells death - to be outcast by our primary carers (usually our parents) - the very people who are supposed to shelter us from harm and make sure with every fibre of their being that we have a chance to thrive - is truly terrible. You sound like an amazing person - so resourceful at such a young age - you have rescued yourself. A truly wonderful achievement and I mean that. But the fact is you should not have had to. Sooner or later those fears and that grief of loss - of having to grow up far too soon and deal with ineffective and neglectful parents will come out into the open. I’m sending you a hug and hope you won’t mind my honest thoughts. Please have the courage to look into this - it will help you release it a bit. It was never your fault that they couldn’t be proper parents to you. That shame is not yours even though I know it may well feel like it. With sincere best wishes.

They were shit parents. Fuck em.

I know I've said that flippantly but you are too good for them.

YANBU at all. Well done for your achievements. As a pp said remember how they badly treated you when they want to depend on you.

That is truly awful and just want to echo a PP that just because you share DNA you don’t owe them anything. I wouldn’t even say no to a friend let alone my own daughter. I would always want my kids to feel they have a home to come to if they need to. It was my choice to bring them into this world. You sound like a very mature adult and they are lucky you turned out the way you have with the start they gave you but often parents take advantage or are just not as nice to the good child who tries to not depend on them.

Some adults are just shit! Just because they are your parents doesn't automatically make them less shit, they just are!

We have just been and collected ds3 and all his stuff, because he is between jobs, and needs to come home for a while.

I can’t imagine refusing to help any of my children, and I am heartbroken for you, @ThatPeachSnake.

If it helps, as a mum, I am so proud of you for all you have achieved, against the odds. You are amazing.

@ThatPeachSnake nah nah nah this is discusting … how does a mother leave her daughter on the streets knowing she’s homeless? It doesn’t matter how old your children are , they should always be welcomed home no matter what life throws at them ! This is unbelievable that someone can be so heartless . She could have offered you to sleep on the couch , absolutly anywhere , as long as you’re not on the streets ! She is heartless and evil and so is your dad . If I was you I could never forgive them for this . I would never speak to them again , simple . They seem to be no good use in your life , it seems like you should have been the mum that your mum never was to you ! Seems like jelousy to me from your parents , they hate it that you’re doing well in life and they haven’t so they want to make you suffer too like they did / do without any help from them .

Just to say this happened to my
Friend who is now in her mid 60's. Her folks woke her up on her 17th birthday, told her she needs to get a house and put her out. She didn't have a clue what had happened to her. Why. She was homeless till she got a flat from the council. She got on with life etc as you do and is an amazing loving friend but she has understandably never gotten over waking up and being told to
Pack her
Bags. Literally for nothing. This rejection has followed her throughout her lives relationships and still affects her. Some people are just so fking cruel and don't deserve good decent kids.

Firstly, I’m so sorry you had that experience. I can’t imagine denying my DC a home if they needed it.

However, try not to think of this as about you. It isn’t, it’s about them, and what they can cope with.

I really think counselling would help you if you can afford it. You can’t change them, but you can change how they make you feel.

You sound amazing by the way, a really strong and good person.

No, it wasn’t ok. you know this - the only reason you’re questioning is because of family dynamics.

All therapy will help you to do is be ‘ok’ with the decisions mad at the time; accept your feelings and ‘Forgive’ your family.

You can do all the above yourself in this post @ThatPeachSnake. Accept the validation you were mistreated; appreciate all parents are not perfect and suffer their own demons - but then outside if therapy you get to choose if you want to forgive their actions at the time (and continued I expect)

Journalling your thoughts and posters points that resonate is a great starting point xx

You mention embarrassment. This sounds maybe like shame. Shame that our (yes me too!) own parents are not there for us. That’s easily internalised into “there’s something wrong with me”, even when it’s the parents that are falling short.
As PP said remember this when they want you to care for them. I’d be surprised if it’s your sister that they ask.
Take really good care of yourself!

This is another post which makes me question what's worse - to live with parents who then treat you like this or to have parents who chuck you into care and cause all sorts of shit like mine did.

I'm currently looking to buy a house and won't buy the one I've lost my heart to over one with more space so that my kids can come home whenever they want. No reason necessary.

I'm so sorry you went through this. Its not normal behaviour of decent parents. I would go low or no contact with such people.

Your parents are dix.
You are still feeling the rejection they have inflicted upon you and it's really sad to hear but you sound like a pretty amazing person to have fought through things to get where you are today and you should just keep going knowing you will
Never be the person they were/are.
Keep your head up; lots of us have been in the same situation, you didn't do anything wrong in life you were just unlucky. Stay strong.

Absolutely.
My parents were horribly emotionally abusive.
Father long time dead, mother as lonely
as a fence post back at sweet home country.
You have got this, OP.
❤️

That is shocking, I wouldn't be able to forget this. They weren't there for you when you needed them, not even for a short time. They don't deserve to be called parents. I would never see one of my children sofa surfing with nowhere to go. You have done well despite them. It might help you to ask them if you can find the moment but there is no good reason for what they did.

@ThatPeachSnake my heart breaks for you that the two people you should be able to rely on for anything have so badly let you down.

You sound so hurt and bewildered and who can blame you. You need to be kind to yourself and try and accept that this isn’t about you, it’s all about them. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is their shame

We don’t choose our relatives and sometimes you get handed shit ones. But you can build ‘family’ for yourself made up of friends who love and support you. Invest your time and emotional energy there. ❤️

by the way… I think that you are quite incredible to have achieved all that you have on your own.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Your parents sound a bit useless.

you don’t need to forgive them for everything, I think I’d hold onto that for a while too.

well done for doing well in life after the start you got.

Ah, that's really awful.

You have done well to overcome your childhood and then being let down by your parents.

But by the sound of it, you have not been able to understand it or process it, so it's still a weight on your shoulders.

I think you do need to talk to someone about it, counselling, and deal with the emotional hurt first. Once you are stronger, then you can ask them outright. You will probably still need to continue the counselling afterwards to deal with whatever they say - or don't say. But deal with the emotional aspect first.

💐

I’m so sorry you went through this. I’ve no advice, just be glad you’re not like them and never will be xx

As a PP said, don't forget that none of this was your fault. It's unfathomable that people let down their children like this. I'd be cutting them out of my life. Find 'family' that has your back and supports you (ie. friends).