Does anyone else's DH do this?

I've had 2 husbands and a couple of other long term'ish relationships. Every man I've ever known seems to be incapable of doing anything without checking in at some point. Mending the car - blow by blow account. Wallpapering the sitting room - could I just move this, hold that, stay there a minute in case I need you. Cooking a meal - every five minutes asking where an ingredient or pan is. Hanging out the washing - are these the only clothes pegs we've got? If I'm doing a task I usually manage to just get on with it as well as several others at the same time. I think men need constant praise or their brows mopped all the fucking time.

I’d send a message like that and read it and reply literally. Thanks, good luck xx

Message back, "TF it's you doing it for once! Having a great time BTW!"

I wouldn't be jumping to it being intentional manipulation. I did it with my DH a couple of times when I was on maternity leave and he was at work. It was just a way to offload when I was stressed. He told me it bothered him so I stopped doing it. I hadn't realised it would bother him, I weren't expecting him to do anything to fix it.

My ex husband used to do this sometimes before I'd even arrived anywhere. It became a joke between friends but it was actually really hard.
Once we split he still did it. Would ask me to drop off calpol etc etc. I just ignored him and eventually he stopped.
I'd ignore it and don't even read messages when out

Send him this

He knows exactly what he is doing. Stay out and have it out with him tomorrow.

My DH does this.
my kids do it.
just don’t check your phone (and speak to him nicely about only contacting you in a dire emergency)

Do it to him when he's out with his mates! 😁

Slightly different scenario, but I was away with my daughter recently and my husband sent me perfectly cheerful texts the whole time I was away, yet when I came back I found out he has actually been quite poorly - nothing life endangering but pretty much bed-bound.

I asked him why he hadn't mentioned it and he said, what was the point, he knew I would just have worried/felt bad, and he didn't want anything to stop me enjoying my time away.

(He did reassure me that, had it had been serious enough to warrant me ending the trip early, of course he would have said something.... But as it wasn't, the only impact would have been to stress me out slightly.....)

It made me think actually - I too, like OP's husband, am probably guilty of moaning on to my partner about things over text when he is away with friends, not because I expect him to do something, but just because it is my habit to vent to him. But actually, unless it's essential and I actually need his help with it, I am going to try my hardest not to do it from now on, as I really appreciated him keeping his illness to himself (I know that sounds bad - hopefully it is clear how I mean it).

OP, to give your fella the benefit of the doubt, possibly he doesn't realise he is ruining your night. Explain it to him calmly and compassionately, and if he STILL does it after that - that's when you know you have a problem.

The very best interpretation is that he wants your gratitude and a round of applause for all he's put up with 'for you'. If he's a needy sort constantly wanting praise and approval, it could be this. The other interpretation you've had from PPs. You know him best and which is the most likely.

He does it to make you feel guilty so you will come home. He's a father who doesn't want to parent.

'Lol. Sucks to be you 😎🍸'

You have a serious talk with him when you get home. The fact that they play up for him, shows they are a bit uncomfortable with the situation. The only way to improve this, is by everyone getting used to it more often, so they don't even register which parent is in charge. So you'll be going out every weekend until its become normalised

No. Mine doesn’t bother me at all when I’m out, unless I text to say how are the kids I don’t hear from him. I’ll sometimes get home and I’ll get the whole tragic tale of how they ran him ragged 😂 but he won’t interrupt my time to myself unless it’s an emergency.

DO NOT GO HOME. Get on with your evening and have some well chosen words with him tomorrow.

For now, I'd ignore the message. Or just a breezy one back to say something like "Oh dear, now you know what I have to go through every, single day. I'm sure you'll work something out, just as I do."

My DH never did this with any of our three when they were small.

compelled to go home.

Umm, don't do that. Really. Just don't.

Text welcome to parenthood, see you later.

Ok as a mother I have sent these jokey messages when he is out like (just checked)
Your children are being little shits or
They are currently being loopy having a disco in the kitchen I may have to get the Calpol out for bedtime.
I hope your enjoying yourself cos I am cracking up etc with the appropriate emoji.
It's just a joke. Maybe he's not abusive just joking but you know your relationship best.

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

You asked and answered your own question, and now you’re spending your time out with friends posting on Mumsnet.

Try replying “thanks a fucking lot for spoiling my time out you selfish cunt”.

Yeah, you should listen to your friend. Is he always a selfish bastard?

Please say you haven’t ever actually gone home because of this? If I was your friend and you did, I would be really hesitant to make plans with you again.

Do you reply to him? I'd turn my phone off.

It's nasty, controlling behaviour designed to ruin your time away from him / kids and coerce you into going home and stepping back into you "role" as domestic servant.

What a cunt.

Mine did this. I'd either leave it preview so it came up that I hadn't read it, or I wouldn't respond (if really pushed, I'd do the thumbs up reaction.).