Does anyone else's DH do this?

I'd reply:

'You'll cope.'

I would be tempted to reply
"Oh , perhaps I shouldn't have given them the blue smarties and packet of Skittles earlier..but they were being very difficult and I didn't know what to do. I am sure you being a big important man will know much better than me how to deal with them "

I would be tempted to reply
"Oh , perhaps I shouldn't have given them the blue smarties and packet of Skittles earlier..but they were being very difficult and I didn't know what to do. I am sure you being a big important man will know much better than me how to deal with them "

You see his plan clearly. Isolation.

My husband sometimes does this, but he also does it if he’s taken DD out and I’m at home just chilling. I get pictures of them eating cake, in the park, shopping. He likes updates when he’s elsewhere too. I danno I think he and DD just really like taking selfies and sending them to me.

How old is your child?

Call him out on it.

"Why are you actually telling me this? I can't intervene. Is it in the hope I'll come rushing home? Or just to take the shine off my evening?"

And then later, when you are home:

"Unless you actively resent me being out of the house for some reason, can you please stop doing this? Just so you are aware, noone elses partner feels the need to keep 'reminding' them that they are a parent any more than I feel the need to text you blow-by-blow guilt texts when you are out or at work. Thank you."

Time for a talk Op. He is as much their parent as you are, he just doesn't look after them as much as you so doesn't cope as well. The answer is not for you to go home, it's for him to stop whinging and learn to cope. He obviously needs more practice so you should go out more

Why does he do it?? I now feel shit and feel compelled to go home.

Er..that’s the reason he’s doing it. To make you feel shit and go home. Then he doesn’t have to mind the kids anymore.

What a gent 🙄

Funnily when my wife goes out she constantly asks for updates on the kids. You could take this either way - she doesn’t trust me to look after our children, or she misses them. I generally don’t reply to the messages or just say I’m at A&E / I’ve left them alone so not sure how they are. The eldest has a phone now so she can give the updates directly on her wellbeing.

BLOCK HIM when you're out, or put your phone on silent/do not disturb.

My DH has had times in the past when he seemed to enjoy sabotaging my enjoyment/fun/nice things for me ... Would often start an argument out of nothing just to cause bad feeling, or make some kind of crack/jibe/comment that would make me feel a bit low or down. It was during the days where we had a few rough patches in our marriage. He doesn't do it now (hasn't for some years,) but he was a bit like this, and it was horrible.

Did he know the intent behind it?

Whatever, it's a horrible thing to do

That's why.

Stay out

There are no children in the world who have never misbehaved in some way!!

Just send back laughing emojis and say now you know how I feel when I have them all day

You asked if our dh did this. When I see threads about children playing up or tantrums, the answer from me is that my children were well behaved, I would never have had a concern, as they played or watched TV quietly.

If my dh ever messaged me with a problem that he could fix, whilst I am out and having some friends time, I would think he was selfish and try to spoil my rare night out.

Yeah, just send a reply saying 'Really? Oh well, at least you get the chance to practice parenting better.'

Do not go home, do not pass Go. He's being a manipulative cunt - let him get on with it.

It depends on what he's normally like, but it does seem like he possibly wants to ruin your night (punishing you for making him do 'extra work) and make you think twice about going out next time.

Mine doesn’t do this because he’s not an arsehole. My child could smear themselves in jam and breakdance across the living room and instead of telling me my husband would clean it up and keep quiet about it.

The reason your Dick Head is doing this is because he wants you to feel guilty about being out. He wants you to feel obligated to ‘give him a break’ when you get home, or make up for it as though he’s done you a huge favour (and not just looked after his own children for an evening). He’s making sure you think twice about going out in future too.

A nice man who viewed you as equals wouldn’t do this. These are the actions of a selfish prick who sees himself as much more important than you.

Your post gives me hope, "Not all men' etc

It is in the same ball park as the sigh my DH lets out as soon as I am in ear shot. It’s performance lifing: I work so hard! My life is so hard but I do it. This is so hard and I’m great for doing it. I’m the hero of this story.

We just crack on and do it quietly without fuss.

Guilt and manipulation, obvs.

My DM would do this on the rare occasions she and DF looked after DC.

I never felt she wanted to ruin our night, I always imagined it was more a sort of, ‘the DC are being so tiring, but I’m soldiering on, so that you can have a good night.’

I think she was fishing for gratitude and praise.

I'd borrow two words from my DD to respond to that!

Womp womp!

Fortunately not something DH ever did when kids were little, but I have heard of it being a thing - really manipulative and unfair.