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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adults calling their parents by their names

86 replies

lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:13

Inspired by the Aunty Emma thread, my brother (in his 40's) calls my mother (in her 80s) by her first/Christian name, often in a slightly patronising way.

It gives me the absolute rage. Anyone else encountered this??

AIBU?

OP posts:
DeclineandFall · 27/07/2024 11:10

My DS calls me and DH by our first names and has done since he was 2ish. We didn't encourage it but I like it. It really pisses a lot of other people off though- which is a weird thing to get pissed off by. I think people think we must be hippies- which is laughable if you knew us.

TwoBlueFish · 27/07/2024 11:09

I’ve always called my Dad by his first name and with my mum it’s probably 50/50 now whether I use her name or mum.

NuffSaidSam · 27/07/2024 11:06

comeondover · 27/07/2024 11:00

Is there a cut-off age? If people grew up with Mum and Dad, then I guess they don't generally change that. But if they grew up with Mummy and Daddy, are they supposed to switch at some point? I never knew this was a thing.

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I think kids just grow out of it at some point. I'd say it's unusual for teens to still be calling their parents Mummy and Daddy.

comeondover · 27/07/2024 11:00

NuffSaidSam · 27/07/2024 10:21

It's a bit odd, but not nearly as bad as adults who call their parents Mummy and Daddy.

Is there a cut-off age? If people grew up with Mum and Dad, then I guess they don't generally change that. But if they grew up with Mummy and Daddy, are they supposed to switch at some point? I never knew this was a thing.

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2024 10:58

lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:24

Is it? That's interesting. Most people I know call their parents 'Mum/ Dad'

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I don't know anyone who uses their first names for their parents.

I wouldn't like it

KreedKafer · 27/07/2024 10:46

If he knows she doesn’t like it and he’s only doing it to annoy/upset/belittle her, then it’s horrible. But if that’s the case, I strongly doubt it’s the only way in which he isn’t nice to her, and focusing on that one thing in isolation isn’t helpful because it’s not the root of the problem.

If they’re both OK with it then it’s fine.

I wouldn’t call my parents by their first names in a million years and the only person I know who does call her parents by their first names essentially does it because they are very cold and unloving parents and she has a very difficult relationship with them, though.

Original poster
lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:41

Edingril · 27/07/2024 10:36

Dh and I wouldn't do it but rage really? Why does it matter what others do with it?

I'm trying to understand why it gives me the rage, hence the thread. I'm fairly sure now that the wider issues with my brother are influencing my response.

OP posts:
OrangeSlices998 · 27/07/2024 10:39

My kids are only small but I wouldn’t like them to call me by my name, ever. They’re the only people to call me Mum, I would like them to continue to do so! I still call my Mum ‘Mum’ I’m 35 and she’s 63

TheHuntSyndicate · 27/07/2024 10:39

I get what you're saying op, there was a couple of incidents when my children were teenagers and referred to me by my first name.

It was said in a mocking way when they were told they couldn't have or do something.

They are adults now and wouldn't dream of doing it!

Custardandrhubarbcrumble · 27/07/2024 10:38

To quote Monica Geller, "Call them mum and dad you loser!"

Edingril · 27/07/2024 10:36

Dh and I wouldn't do it but rage really? Why does it matter what others do with it?

Original poster
lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:35

AwfulSomething · 27/07/2024 10:33

I always used my parents first names from childhood, it was their preference. It always seemed odd when friends used mum/dad when they have actual names.

So interesting, I had no idea this was so common

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 27/07/2024 10:34

unsync · 27/07/2024 10:31

Why? I'm 56 and I still call my father Daddy or Pa. Always have, always will.

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It's difficult to determine exactly why, but sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct don't you? An adult calling their parents Mummy and Daddy makes my gut send the food back up into my mouth🤮

AwfulSomething · 27/07/2024 10:33

I always used my parents first names from childhood, it was their preference. It always seemed odd when friends used mum/dad when they have actual names.

Original poster
lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:33

Luminousalumnus · 27/07/2024 10:29

If Mum is happy with it, let it go. If she is not happy with it and would prefer to be called Mum and brother refuses to do it, start calling him by a name that doesn't please him. I suggest 'wanker' but feel free to choose your own.

I think another reason why it annoys me is because my brother has this annoying tendency to say people's names repeatedly when talking to them, especially when trying to get a point across. It makes him sound like a car salesman and gives me the absolute ICK.

"Yes Jane, but that isn't whole story, Jane. Remember blah blah..."

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 27/07/2024 10:33

If it's a patronising tone of voice it's unreasonable to be pissed off with that.

I've told my kids I'm cool with them using my name if they want. I have memories from my childhood if my mother not coming to me when I needed her in public because I was shouting mum, I shouted her name and she told me off rather than help me. So my kids have been told if I don't answer to mummy call my name and ex they have occasionally done this in public to the horror of so many people. Amazing how it upsets people and how people we hardly know will correct them meaning I then need to say actually I've said they can

DancingLions · 27/07/2024 10:32

DS calls me mum but we actually happen to work for the same company at the moment, so it would be a bit odd if he called me mum at work! So obviously there he does use my first name but at home it’s still mum.

AgnesX · 27/07/2024 10:32

Yuk. There was a terribly mc hip family who did that when I was growing up 70s/80s. It was a bit naff really.

unsync · 27/07/2024 10:31

NuffSaidSam · 27/07/2024 10:21

It's a bit odd, but not nearly as bad as adults who call their parents Mummy and Daddy.

Why? I'm 56 and I still call my father Daddy or Pa. Always have, always will.

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 10:31

My daughter announced when she was seven that henceforth she was going to call me 'Jane' and her dad 'Dave' (example names & formats used to avoid outing). She called us together to tell us this! When she was 12 she started calling us 'Mama' and 'Papa' in a very Victorian way, but now we're Jane and Dave again. Her 3 yrs older brother stuck with Mum and Dad for a bit longer but he gave in eventually. Grandparents, aunts/uncles etc all thought it was all very funny. Nobody suggested that there is, or ought to be, a 'rule'. Perhaps they knew that they'd be told to shut up!

Original poster
lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:30

Gloaminggnome · 27/07/2024 10:26

Haha, you'd hate me then, I call mine a mixture of Mummy & Daddy and then stupid nicknames based on their first names. My mother calls me by my name sometimes, but more often something daft like Tinkerbell or Pumpkin 😂

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My mother still refers to her own (long-dead) parents as Mummy and Daddy, but it doesn't bother me. I think whether it's annoying or not depends on the person.
Unfortunately I'm riddled with inconsistencies!

OP posts:
Luminousalumnus · 27/07/2024 10:29

If Mum is happy with it, let it go. If she is not happy with it and would prefer to be called Mum and brother refuses to do it, start calling him by a name that doesn't please him. I suggest 'wanker' but feel free to choose your own.

PotatoFan · 27/07/2024 10:28

I always call my parents by their names. I only call them mum and dad if talking about them when they’re not there eg I’m meeting my mum at the weekend. They are actual people with actual names so it’s hardly unreasonable to use their actual names.

user1471517057 · 27/07/2024 10:28

I call my parents by their first names but it’s interchangeable with mum/dad, and it’s the same when talking about them to other people. But usually only first names if the person knows them too.
I suspect the OP’s rage is a result of the fact the DB is using the name specifically with patronising/belittling comments rather than all the time. Thereby the association of the first name with being mean.

Original poster
lunchingwithladies · 27/07/2024 10:28

Flavabobble · 27/07/2024 10:26

How does your mum feel about it? If it makes her feel disrespected you've every right to feel the rage.

Edited

She told me she doesn't really like it, but she wouldn't say anything, it doesn't bother her enough to make a fuss.

OP posts:
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