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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this a reasonable reaction?

66 replies

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 08:39

We have a young dog who is pretty annoying at times. She just jumped up at my boyfriend and he proceeded to leave the room and slammed the door so hard that the wall shook. It made me feel very uneasy even though I know it's not about me. I know if I bring it up he will make it about the dog being badly behaved and that he is justified, it will probably start an argument.Am I being unreasonable to think this is an unacceptable response?

OP posts:

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 27/07/2024 08:55

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 08:42

No she just jumped up in front of him but didn't touch him. I either ignore or divert with a toy. He will shout at her or sometimes pin her down if she doesn't stop

Show quote history

Divert and ignore isn’t the way to deal with it. But Jesus, pinning her down isn’t either.

can’t believe he pins the dog down in anger but it’s the door slamming that’s worried you. Or have you been concerned about his behaviour and anger for a while and this incident has raised your concern again.

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 27/07/2024 08:53

It really depends. One of mine occasionally, like a few times year, get excited and jumps up. If dp reacted that way I would assume something else happened to piss him off.

if its constantly happening and can see someone getting to the end of their patience with it after while.

It also depends on how it’s being dealt with. I train out dogs, mostly, because it’s something I enjoy. If the dogs were jumping up at dp all the time, pissing him off wasn’t dealing with it (distraction rarely works in these situations and encourages it) and also told him he couldn’t work on it then I would also accept my part in it.

Whether his reaction was a red flag will depend on all sorts of nuances of the dogs, the household, the people involved and so on.

and let’s be honest, we have all been in moods where something annoying but not massively so has led to us over reacting.

BabySnarkDoDoo · 27/07/2024 08:51

Getting physical with the dog isn't ok and if he's regularly getting frustrated that's also a red flag. I did once get annoyed with my dog and had to leave the room to take a five minutes break from her, I did yell ffs and close the door with a bit more force than necessary. It's not something I'm doing on a regular basis and I made sure to give her plenty of attention afterwards. The situation with your bf sounds different though.

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 08:49

If my DH wanted to get a nasty smelly dirty jumpy nippy dog, I'd say he could get it when he has moved out to the new place he must have planned to go to.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 27/07/2024 08:49

His temper makes you uneasy. That feels to me like such a huge red flag. You shouldn't have to feel like that in your own home.

WonderingWanda · 27/07/2024 08:48

The dog behaviour isn't the issue here it's this man's theatrics and inability to communicate effectively, chosing aggression instead. It doesn't bode well for the future.

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/07/2024 08:47

Wow he will pin the dog down, not good. What sort of dog do you have?

LisaD1 · 27/07/2024 08:46

He’s an arsehole who shouldn’t be around dogs.

youre also at fault. Train the dog and get bullying arsehole bf!

Izzynohopanda · 27/07/2024 08:44

He would pin the dog down? That’s not good.

Zanatdy · 27/07/2024 08:44

If someone pinned down my dog as it jumped up they’d be out.

Testina · 27/07/2024 08:44

I wouldn’t leave a man who got angry if the dog wasn’t being trained properly and that was my fault, and who left the room because he was angry.

Add in the door slamming though - and I’d end it. I don’t date people who don’t control their temper.

JMSA · 27/07/2024 08:43

Pin her down? Is he thick?

JMSA · 27/07/2024 08:43

I guarantee that in an argument over this, the dog's behaviour will somehow be your fault.

Original poster

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 08:42

Homesweethome23 · 27/07/2024 08:41

Did she make him jump/knock him over etc?

What are you both doing to correct this behaviour?