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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a reasonable reaction?

66 replies

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 08:39

We have a young dog who is pretty annoying at times. She just jumped up at my boyfriend and he proceeded to leave the room and slammed the door so hard that the wall shook. It made me feel very uneasy even though I know it's not about me. I know if I bring it up he will make it about the dog being badly behaved and that he is justified, it will probably start an argument.Am I being unreasonable to think this is an unacceptable response?

OP posts:
ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 27/07/2024 11:33

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 11:31

It's his dog too and is it somehow my fault he reacts like that ?

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I think people are assuming it’s your dog as you say boyfriend not partner.

Not saying you are wrong but I think there’s an assumption you don’t live together, share things like the dog.

Original poster
Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 11:31

RedditFinder · 27/07/2024 11:21

It is her fault. She needs to train her dog.

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It's his dog too and is it somehow my fault he reacts like that ?

OP posts:
RedditFinder · 27/07/2024 11:21

JMSA · 27/07/2024 08:43

I guarantee that in an argument over this, the dog's behaviour will somehow be your fault.

It is her fault. She needs to train her dog.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/07/2024 11:09

@Downbadcryingatthegym This man is a dangerous prick. Of course you feel intimidated and shaken. And he is abusing an animal.

Do not stay with this man. Do not passively accept his awful behaviour.

Inspireme2 · 27/07/2024 11:06

The bf needs to learn that the young dog has certain behaviours whi h have reasons and learn what or why the dog jumps for reasons.
If he pushes down the dogs shoulders that seems odd.
Why dont you both go to dog training.
Slamming a door and carrying on is pathetic.
Poor annoying dog!

LividSummer · 27/07/2024 10:51

I don’t like dogs and I’m allergic.

BUT.

I don’t like aggressive men even more. And I don’t know the statistics but I’d bet more people are killed by angry little men than dogs. Bin him off.

FictionalCharacter · 27/07/2024 10:50

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 09:30

Sorry to be clearer when I said pinning down i mean he will get her to lie down and hold her shoulders until she calms down. I have told him not to do this but then he goes off at me instead. We have been trying to stamp out the jumping up by ignoring turning away etc and she had improved but gets over excited at times. I just don't know if it's reasonable that I feel intimidated and wonder if it does the same to the dog.

He mistreats the dog, loses his temper with you, and goes off slamming doors. This is a bad tempered, aggressive and frankly dangerous man.
He'll hurt the dog when you're not there. If you choose to stay with him and endure his violent temper, one day he'll hurt you too.
At the very least, if you're not going to take yourself and the dog away from him to safety, re-home the poor dog.

Dinosweetpea · 27/07/2024 10:43

Huge red flags here

Candlelights1 · 27/07/2024 10:42

Stop ignoring your gut.
He is a violent angry man.
Get out while you can.

Summertimer · 27/07/2024 10:39

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 10:32

Very well indeed THANK YOU. 😡

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I agree with you. I must say I am also appalled by how many people walk o paths and pavements without their dogs on a lead.

NoahVale · 27/07/2024 10:38

if you have to ask the question i think you know the answer in this case op

Summertimer · 27/07/2024 10:37

My grown up DC is afraid of dogs, if they make a sudden movement he gets very spooked.

I’m not afraid of dogs but I would certainly recoil from sudden movement. I was upstairs on a bus last week, enjoying the view. Someone got on with a dog that reared up and put its paws on the seat next to me. I recoiled, the owner was rude to me.

I think slamming the door is a bit extreme, but it does depend on the fear level.

missmollygreen · 27/07/2024 10:36

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 08:42

No she just jumped up in front of him but didn't touch him. I either ignore or divert with a toy. He will shout at her or sometimes pin her down if she doesn't stop

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To be honest I would be way more concerned this behaviour that the door slamming!
No way I could be with someone who would treat an animal like that.

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 10:32

twentysevendresses · 27/07/2024 10:28

Are you quite well? 🤦‍♀️

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Very well indeed THANK YOU. 😡

twentysevendresses · 27/07/2024 10:28

SeeSeeRider · 27/07/2024 08:49

If my DH wanted to get a nasty smelly dirty jumpy nippy dog, I'd say he could get it when he has moved out to the new place he must have planned to go to.

Are you quite well? 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 09:30

Sorry to be clearer when I said pinning down i mean he will get her to lie down and hold her shoulders until she calms down. I have told him not to do this but then he goes off at me instead. We have been trying to stamp out the jumping up by ignoring turning away etc and she had improved but gets over excited at times. I just don't know if it's reasonable that I feel intimidated and wonder if it does the same to the dog.

OP posts:
Bluebirdover · 27/07/2024 09:06

Bluebirdover · 27/07/2024 09:05

He pins the dog down.

Either get rid of him or rebound the dog.

WTF!!!

*rehome

Bluebirdover · 27/07/2024 09:05

He pins the dog down.

Either get rid of him or rebound the dog.

WTF!!!

Daleksatemyshed · 27/07/2024 09:04

Red flag Op, he's too rough with your dog and slams doors in anger. I'm glad he's just a BF because this doesn't say good things about his character

FOJN · 27/07/2024 09:03

Downbadcryingatthegym · 27/07/2024 08:42

No she just jumped up in front of him but didn't touch him. I either ignore or divert with a toy. He will shout at her or sometimes pin her down if she doesn't stop

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He pins her down?

Your dogs behaviour will never improve around this man, never leave her alone with him. There are highly effective, non aggressive ways of teaching a dog not to jump up and a young dog will learn quickly. I found stepping forward into the dogs space and turning my back every time he tried to jump up was really effective. The moment he stopped trying and sat I rewarded with praise and attention.

That you feel unable to talk to him about this is a big red flag. I hope you don't live together.

Sunshineafterthehail · 27/07/2024 09:02

Imagine your ddog is a pan of water. Every scenario of it acting like a ddog and getting negative /aggressive responses.... One day that bubbling pot will boil over. And someone will get hurt. That's how ddogs end up attacking people..
Imo.
No ddog from a loving family since birth /early adoption turn rouge...
Again imo.
My ddog many years ago was punched in the face. She was never the same..

Candlelights1 · 27/07/2024 08:58

That type of reaction is violent and intent on send YOU a message as much as the dog.
It is telling you watch out.
If you don't live together, dump.
If you live together, get out.
This is not a man to EVER consider having children with.

Intothevalley · 27/07/2024 08:56

At first I voted YABU but then, I read how he pins her down...

No one likes being jumped up at by a badly trained dog.

BUT

I strongly suggest you don't spend your life with a man who behaves erratically and with physical force to minor irritations... this says a lot about him as a person, and it isn't good.

bojoscomb · 27/07/2024 08:55

Being annoyed about a dog jumping at you isn't unreasonable in my opinion. And he didn't do anything to the dog he just left the room, albeit angrily.
However your update about him pinning the dog down is a different story altogether.
Does he usually have anger issues?