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Original poster

Husband calls me 'Nag Wife'

215 replies

anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 07:20

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 27/07/2024 13:28

@anonymouslt123 he just belittles you

Normallynumb · 27/07/2024 13:27

He's not actually joking
He's putting you in your place
Don't let him

Blending123 · 27/07/2024 13:20

OldChinaJug · 27/07/2024 08:48

OP, I'm saying this to point out how fundamental it is. Not to belittle you.

I'm a primary school teacher and every autumn term we have Anti Bullying Week.

One of basic messages we instill in the childen is that it's only a joke if everyone is laughing. Otherwise it's bullying.

If that's a message we expect young children to understand, it's certainly one your husband can understand.

It's not a joke. He's bullying you.

Yes I agree, I was also a teacher and our way of defining bullying was if someone does something you don't like one time, that's not bullying. But if you tell them you don't like it and ask them to stop, and they keep doing it - then that's bullying.

Sending hugs- it's a hard situation but really important you get this to stop.

BeEasyonYourself · 27/07/2024 13:03

I'd call him Twat Husband.

gamerchick · 27/07/2024 12:59

Jokes are funny for both parties. What he's doing is bullying

I'd make one up for him to see if he finds it funny.

StormingNorman · 27/07/2024 12:55

Why do you ask him to make you tea?

Original poster
anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 12:53

Wow, thanks everyone. I didn't expect this many people to get back in touch.

I'm going to have a talk with him tonight (and maybe use a few choice names in his direction!).

I'll let you know how it goes when he gets back. He likes to imitate my voice (it's an awful impression, another 'joke' from Captain Comedy), but I think I need to be serious. Thx all.

OP posts:
Littlebitpsycho · 27/07/2024 12:16

I'd start calling him Prawn Dick and tell him it's just a joke 🤷‍♀️

DelphiniumBlue · 27/07/2024 12:12

What a rude bastard he is!
I think you need to be completely unequivocal about this and tell him it's not an acceptable to way to talk to you and you consider it a dealbreaker.
Because it is really, if you allow him to talk to you like that, things are going to get worse. If you ask him to stop and he doesn't, it means that he doesn't care about you or your feelings. Even if you were being unreasonable ( you're not) simply asking him not to call you that should be enough for him to stop. If he carries on belittling you like that, it shows what he really thinks of you.
So tell him, "do it again and you're out." And mean it.

Berga · 27/07/2024 12:11

This is emotional abuse. In one way you are lucky that he has started this before you have had any children because at least you know before you have any permanent ties to him. Mine started after I had a baby, when he would refer to me as 'Bum' instead of 'Mum' to DC and then later taught DC to call me the same. It sounds silly and 'funny' but it screwed my self esteem and it was a symptom of other insidious ways he was emotionally abusive, like redoing all the washing up or hoovering when I had done it because I was 'rubbish at it'.

Don't stay quiet like I did.

Luddite26 · 27/07/2024 12:06

I see OP hasn't returned to receive the reassurance she was seeking. Seems like yet another wind up thread to get the ladies frothing.

Renamed · 27/07/2024 11:56

Fucking Dickhead husband. Ugh

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2024 11:55

Airbrb · 27/07/2024 11:49

Save him in your phone as “Incompetent husband”

Nagging someone is something you have to do if they are incompetent and won’t get tasks done.

He sounds like a man baby

Nagging is a pejorative term solely used to describe women

Munchyseeds2 · 27/07/2024 11:55

That's horrible, not a joke, not funny at all
I wouldn't like it (or accept it) at all

Airbrb · 27/07/2024 11:49

Save him in your phone as “Incompetent husband”

Nagging someone is something you have to do if they are incompetent and won’t get tasks done.

He sounds like a man baby

Ellie56 · 27/07/2024 11:46

This is not a joke as it is not remotely funny or acceptable. Tell your twat husband this is 2024 not 1954, and he should be doing his share of the cleaning, cooking and other household jobs. (Why are you cleaning up after him anyway?)

If he continues to disrespect you in this manner, I would be saving him in my phone as Ex Twat Husband and file for divorce.

You can do better than this waste of space You deserve better too.

willWillSmithsmith · 27/07/2024 11:44

Don’t you just hate it when men say “it’s a joke’”. It invariably means it’s not a joke, I’m insulting you but dressing it up as humour. If you don’t laugh then they see it as you having no soh as well as guilty of what other jibes they’re aiming at you. It’s puerile. Tell him straight to quit his nonsense or there’ll be consequences.

crumblingschools · 27/07/2024 11:44

@Nanny0gg I think an inheritance can be kept separate for divorce purposes if it has been shown to be kept separate and not for example spent on an extension to the family home and increasing the value of the property which would have to be shared, or put into a joint account

Pinkbonbon · 27/07/2024 11:11

If be calling him 'ex husband'.

You know this is the beginning of abuse right?

At best in designed to manage down your expectations so he never had to do his share in the home. In a horrible way.

Don't have kids with him.

ThoseDarnCrows · 27/07/2024 11:06

It's supposed to be a joke? Really!

My 'joke' not joke name for him would be 'Bastard Ex' ....see how he laughs at that!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/07/2024 11:03

Urgh. Dealbreaker.

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2024 11:02

MilkyWayAtoms · 27/07/2024 10:11

Tell he's a bit young for boomer "humour". Does he think MIL jokes are hilarious too?

'Boomer humour'?

Oh dear.

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2024 11:02

Candlelights1 · 27/07/2024 10:15

My friends sister was married to a selfish lazy man.
Whilst their father was dying he did the least he could get away with and she was very pissed off about it.
She changed her phone to Ex husband and when he saw it she said that was how she saw him, particularly as she would be receiving a substantial inheritance.
He was stunned and upped his game massively. She hasn't divorced him to date, but she also has kept HER inheritance completely separate, solely in her name.

Show quote history

Not sure that works in the event of a divorce, does it?

EatTheGnome · 27/07/2024 11:01

Wanrrents a serious conversation about sexism and how it doesn't portray him favourably at all or you could start calling him Lazy Husband and play into the joke. Dominic a few times in front of his/mutual friends and shame him.

Haha yes, I call him Lazy Husband because he calls me Nag Wife. I keep telling him, if he could think for himself and act like a Modern Man we wouldn't need to revert to lazy sterotypes. But Lazy Husband likes to portray us as a 50s stereotype so if you can't beat em, join em.

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2024 11:00

anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 07:20

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

It's not in the slightest way amusing

He's a twat

HTH

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