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Original poster

Husband calls me 'Nag Wife'

215 replies

anonymouslt123 · 27/07/2024 07:20

Hi mumsnet. Posting with a throwaway account.

My husband (35M), married for 3 years, has been calling me 'Nag Wife' as a nickname. I don't even think I nag that much, but he says it (as a joke, apparently) every time I ask him to do anything. Like, he'll call me Nag Wife while I'm vacuuming or cleaning up after him, or say that washing up etc are 'Nag Wife activities'. I know it's a joke (and I actually don't mind doing the housework), but is it? His latest 'joke' is to do a fake dejected sigh any time I ask him to do anything, like make me a cup of tea, and say 'Yes Nag Wife'.

He even has me saved in his phone as Nag Wife...

I spoke to him and he says it's a joke, but am I being disrespected? Or am I overthinking things?

OP posts:
Pippetypoppity · 28/07/2024 21:06

You’re funny little nickname for him can be “Sexist Pig”. It’s just a joke tell him.

MitskiMoo · 28/07/2024 20:50

He's a prick and no-one is laughing...

XChrome · 28/07/2024 20:48

JennyfromtheBlok · 27/07/2024 07:27

Funny (slight possibility of this, I’m being generous) 1 time only.

He’s gone so far OTT with his own joke it’s disgusting. Also it doesn’t even make sense. Nagging Wife would grammatically.

It’s so rude and demeaning.

When did it start? No way would I put up with this.

I think it's a double meaning, as in a reference to a horse. He's dehumanizing her.
Misogynistic POS should be thrown out on his ass.

Itsmecathy87 · 28/07/2024 20:47

Definitely need a nickname for the husband!

Husband calls me 'Nag Wife'
SwordToFlamethrower · 28/07/2024 20:47

That would actually be a deal breaker for me.

Vile name.

At the very least, you should call him "Micropenis Energy Hubby"

CurlewKate · 28/07/2024 20:41

Make sure that you're using effective contraception that you are in control of.

ilovemyskunks · 28/07/2024 20:37

can you call him slob hub?

JayJayj · 28/07/2024 20:16

Start calling him lazy husband, you know, as a joke! 🙄

DPotter · 28/07/2024 20:11

One or twice could be funny but dragging it on and on and putting it on your phone as someone's name is most definitely not funny.

If he's unlikely to listen to reason then I'd be changing my phone to read 'little Dick', 'Lazy husband', First Husband' or something similar and calling him it too. I know it's sinking to his level but if it's the only language he understands then you have to learn to speak it.

unsync · 28/07/2024 20:07

@anonymouslt123 How did your talk to TwatHusband go?

YourWildAmberSloth · 28/07/2024 19:40

He is putting you in your place. He is showing how little respect he has for you, mimicking your voice and calling you his nag wife.

OhcantthInkofaname · 28/07/2024 19:34

He'd be putting my name in as ex-wife.

C0rdeliaChase · 28/07/2024 19:32

Start calling him Fat Bastard. When he complains say it's just a joke. Change his name in your phone to Fat Bastard.

outdamnedspots · 28/07/2024 19:14

He sounds horrible. An unfunny bully.

Deboragh · 28/07/2024 19:14

CindyBirdsong · 27/07/2024 07:35

Have you tried answering " OK limp dick' every time? After all it's just a joke.

This, this, this...

Kilofoxtrot99 · 28/07/2024 19:11

Just sigh, and respond with “you ok small cock?”
lol it’s just a joke nickname..! Every time. Change his phone name to it as well.

Batteredcodmushypeasandafalafal · 28/07/2024 19:09

How did the chat go?

MagicFarawayTea · 28/07/2024 19:00

As others have said. Just entertain yourself with various nicknames for him whilst you wait for the divorce to finalise. May I suggest “Mr . Comes too Quick” or “ MicroDick”.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 28/07/2024 18:56

I’d rename him ‘defective husband’, but I can’t say that dropping to his level is the right thing to do, I’m just snarky!!!

I will say though that, having been in the type of relationships when they try to grind you down on the past I was very direct with my DH form the get go that he should never say anything he didn’t 💯 mean because nasty words cannot be simply taken back and forgotten and we live by that in this house.

I agree with others that telling him he’s out of line very directly would be the best solution.

BambinaCucina · 28/07/2024 18:42

Start calling him Soon to be Ex Hubby and see how funny he thinks it is.

Fannyfiggs · 28/07/2024 18:37

Pinkbonbon · 28/07/2024 11:42

This type of disrespect is common from abusers. Aim is to break your spirit over time and make you feel your wants and needs are not valid.

Then the 'it's a joke/you musunderstood/you overreact/you're too sensitive' kicks in when you react to their goading. They twist your reaction onto you to make you feel they are the injured, misunderstood party.

'Don't ever mock my voice again. And don't make nasty, belittling jokes at my expense anymore either. You also need to start doing your share in the home. This is your first and last warning. Buck your shit up, because I won't remain married to a contemptuous manchild'.

He won't change unfortunately. Not for long anyway. Because he has contempt for you and that doesn't go away. It can only be temporarily hidden.

But at least you know you tried. And can walk away drom the marriage with your head head high should he revert back to being a nasty prick.
Don't waste your life changing yourself in the hopes of trying to fix someone else's issues. You can't. Because you aren't the problem.

Edited

Pinkbonbon has it spot on. Be firm and direct when you tell him you will not tolerate him being disrespectful.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/07/2024 18:18

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 27/07/2024 08:50

In modern family when Jay said something sexist to his lovely wife Gloria she responded " That's so funny me and next husband will laugh about it. " That shut Jay right down.

I think this is the perfect response, if your dh doesn’t listen to you and change his ways, @anonymouslt123. I hope you don’t have to use it.

Caroparo52 · 28/07/2024 18:08

Nope not okay. Disrespectful. Can you call him wanker man ?

pollymere · 28/07/2024 18:07

A joke that ceases to be funny isn't a joke. It's just rude/offensive. Tell him you will refer to him as teeny peeny in public unless he desists in this petty behaviour.

And it's not a good sign in the respect department. People who ask if you can't take a joke are usually cruel and emotionally abusive in the longer term.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/07/2024 18:07

@anonymouslt123

If my DH called me 'nag wife', I'd be calling him EXhusband. First as a 'cute nickname', then for real.

This is disrespect on such a basic level and I wouldn't tolerate it, especially from someone who supposedly loves me. And should be the first person to defend me and have my back.

Didn't we all learn in childhood 'Don't call names' and 'If you can't say something nice etc'? Sounds to me as if he skipped school that day.

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