Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

"Not trying to be inflammatory" 😁10/10 on that front

Plus some people have bad teeth!

The post about dental hygiene is unreal. I have 3 who are all well looked after but my friend has one child whose teeth are rotten, it’s nothing to do with how many kids someone has ffs

Absolute bollocks. You just know bad parents.

I have four children.

All have good teeth and good health
All well educated
All regularly complimented on their manners and behaviour
No additional needs to think about
Yes, they have to share bedrooms but they don't mind and sharing bedrooms is pretty normal
They all have lovely clothes and well fitted shoes
All have one on one time with both parents
We both work
No empty voids here
Eat well

I'm pregnant with my second but laughing at the thought because someone has 3 kids they won't be taught how to wash or brush their teeth. Can't say I've noticed this from any 3 child families I know.

Interesting. I have 3. The oldest 2 are at an independent school. Both are extremely academic and also county champions in their respective sports. Youngest is autistic and at a specialist school. He attends regular speech therapy and attends an SEN group for his hobby. He also has 1:1 swimming lessons.
They’ve all been to the dentist every 6 months since they got their first tooth. They all have their own room. Their clothing is a mixture of brand new and some good quality second hand items (what’s wrong with second hand clothes?). DH and I ensure we have quality 1:1 time with all of our children. We’ve just got back from a lovely holiday in Valencia. Bedding washed weekly. Not sure what they’re lacking, but I’m sure you’ll tell me that I’m failing them somehow!

I have four.

I didn't 'need' that many. I wanted them.

HTH

I'm one of five and we grew up in poverty in the 70's and 80's. My mother made it very clear to everyone that she didn't want to get a job so kept having kids instead. She lost interest after the baby stage with all of us, particularly her two eldest - my sister and I. We were mostly brought up by our grandparents, who were then too old to do the same for the younger three.

My dad just went along with it because it made her happy and life was easier for everyone if she was happy 🤷‍♀️

Both my sister and I (we think,of ourselves as a family of two and don't have contact with the other three) made the connection at a young age that lots of children = poverty so we both decided to opt,out of that and not have children. We are both married/engaged and have wonderful, fulfilling lives with fantastic jobs that help,society more than our mother ever did (im a doctor ans she's a human rights lawyer). Our siblings are mostly living around the same area where we grew up and our brother has several children with several women because he's a total,knob. I very much doubt he pays any maintenance to any of them as he does cash in hand jobs. Our sisters married young, had lots of kids 4 for one and 6 for another.

I don't judge people who choose to have large families. I judge my mother and my siblings but that's my prerogative. People can have the number of children they want and it's not the child's fault that bad decisions were made which resulted in their existence, so why should we punish that child and reduce their opportunities in life just to make a point?

Right there with you! That post was just unreal

This was why my H suffered as one of 5 - 4 boys in one bedroom, nowhere to study, bullied by oldest brother, his few possessions trashed by the youngest. I agree that too much time alone in a bedroom is bad, but so is overcrowding.

There was a viral article in the Sunday Times about the Tiktok influencer BallerinaFarm who is a Mormon wife to 8 kids and married to an airline heir. There were a shocking number of responses from children who grew up on big families saying that the only way the dynamic worked was older siblings, especially the oldest daughter, being forced to take care of the younger ones.

Kids from big families simply cannot have all of their physical and emotional needs met and have a greater chance of growing up with long term damage. (Personally, I would say a big family starts from 4 or 5 kids). The older kids end up parentified and the younger ones are being taken care of by unqualified carers. One older sibling said he fed his newborn brother mashed up bananas because he had no idea what babies were supposed to eat. Another user who was the oldest sister said she started doing chores and laundry from 6 years old to compensate for their mother who was permanently exhausted and depressed.

Big families are usually only their to fulfil some societal or religious ideal and to look good from the outside. Behind closed doors, it's usually a shitshow.

My jaw is on the floor!

I must admit my 4 adult children are all toothless, smelly, benefit grabbing, rude, anti-social, uneducated, poorly dressed misfits with no social skills at all.

Obviously none of the above is true (and they love being a gang of four.)

that is just a staggeringly ignorant thing to post

If you can pay for them, have as many as you want. If you expect the taxpayer to fund them for anything other than short term (eg unexpected job loss) then no they shouldn't. it is often said that only the very wealthy and the poor have multiple children. The wealthy can afford them and the poor expect the taxpayer to foot the bill.

I'd just add to that comment - having say 4 children has particular cost implications in terms of house size and cars. Kids can share bedrooms, up to a point, but you need a particular type of vehicle to transport a large family around, so all that needs thinking about before having a big family. It should absolutely not be down to the state to subsidise the decision to have very large families.

Wow, the families I work with are clearly a figment of my imagination. Amazing.

Oh - go on, be inflammatory! I enjoy a bit of that!

People have to make their individual choice, but I think for ecological and economic reasons large families are a bit selfish. In the days before contraception they were inevitable, but we do have choices now.

I certainly think that if you choose to have more than 2 children you should make sure you have the resources to support them.

Couldn't afford a clown car so decided to use my vagina instead 🤷‍♀️

There's a lot to be said for having an only child. I had one for 16 years. He was/is an absolute dream. I used to think it was just his nature but since having 2 more, 2 years apart, I really think it was as he was sibling free. No need to compete etc. I find 2 MUCH harder.

There are at least 3 families at my school with 6+ children. They are mostly a year apart, so some have 1 in every primary year. They aren't well off by any means. I do think these particular mums just keep having children as it's all they know. A bit like the Radford family.

Because the money is for the children, not the parents. That is, here's £13 or whatever it is, young Sally. Now you can afford to go to the National Trust / softplay or whatever one day this week. Labour want to try and tackle child poverty, which is a good thing imo.

We had 4 because we wanted and could provide for 4. Best decision we ever made.

Because we can afford it? Because we enjoy it? Because we love them and more love is good? Because we want to...
What did you think were the reasons? 🤷‍♀️

Actually you are breeding kids for a future without work though they need to be educated for leisure.basic biological urges don't have to be gratified in a dying planet.there are many children to love that are not ones blood but yes that route is hard

Well you don’t need to have any.
Some people want 2, some people want 4 🤷‍♀️

Yes I’d like to know the percentages of non residents parents whether it’s the mother or father so who is responsible for maintenance. I’d guess it’s a high percentage of fathers that are liable. So the 2 child UC limit and not deducting maintenance as it’s too unreliable just points to a system where women are the victims