Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

Unless it also applies to some other benefit that I'm not entitled to/aware of.

You can't imagine the cir ymsta yes in which people might end up with 3 kids and be struggling financially, but you're cool with people planning to have kids they can't afford it they're trying for a girl?

I don't understand why child benefit would even be a consideration when you choose to have another child. As if 96 quid a month makes that much difference in how much it actually costs to have/raise a kid, really. Less for the second. Don't know how much it is as I only have one but think like £60ish? It's gone before I even know it's in my bank 😂

We did and had the third one. We don't claim any benefits.

We're training up the tax payers of the future.

I don't that's true of all families. I've definitely seen people who have a lot of energy and can devote it to their large families. However I also know someone who loved having babies and being pregnant. She devoted a lot of attention to them in their early years but lost interest around primary school.

The older daughter had to look after the younger ones and was resentful of that. She also felt that she didn't get enough attention for her emotional needs.

I think this is extremely selfish. I also think that it's what happens in a substantial minority of big families. Even those with large families who DO give attention to all their children must be aware of this.

@SwingTheMonkey I think the OP is referring to the benefit cap,ie why do people who rely on benefits choose to have more than two children. Not people like you.

Biology, to fill a void/right the wrongs of their own childhood, because they want to, lack of contraception, cultural pressures/norms, to feel loved and wanted.

From what I have seen of larger families (so not evidence based at all!) They are either particularly wealthy and can afford to throw money at things like extra bedrooms, holidays and schooling so the kids do grow up well rounded having had a great childhood or they are a byproduct* *of a dysfunctional (at best) relationship with no money for the essentials, crammed in over crowded accommodation and generally struggling to get by.
Most people I know are two full time working parents and one or two children, this seems to have been based on how many times we could afford maternity leave, child care and the affordability of three bedroom family homes.

I actually can not believe what I have read, what a sweeping generalisation. I have 4 children

• dental hygiene - Appointments attended every 6 months
• personal hygiene - Bath/shower depending on age every single night
• clean bedding, clothing etc - Read my previous thread, I was flamed for our clean bedding and clothes routine
• the child being able to have their own bedroom (this becomes really important as they reach puberty) - Bedroom each
• helping with homework and extra needs children may have like speech therapy etc - 4 kids all have/at/going to uni - 1 has just finished their Masters.
• one to one time with their parents - All had one on one.
• shoes and clothes that aren’t handed down and fit properly. - Always had new clothes each and never had hand me downs, ill fitting clothes come on
• teaching children things like manners, respect etc - If you teach one they all learn as they hear what you and their siblings say.

Most of the things you have said I mostly see in 1-2 children families as they are the majority in this country.

From what I’ve observed from knowing families with 3 or more children is that....this is bullshit. maybe you just know some shitty families.

Nobody 'needs' more than 2 kids and no woman 'needs' to justify what she does or doesn't or can or cannot do with her uterus. If you asked me this in real life I'd tell you it was none of your business, end of discussion

Because otherwise they end up in therapy as an adult if their needs aren’t fully met as a child.

I agree and recommend the documentary "Birth Gap" on the subject

What we need is redistribution of the existing global population, not more people

How do you suggest they are redistributed? Do they get a say? 😆

I love this, there is such joy in our children too!

I'm not sure South Korea and several other countries agree.

That's a relief! We wouldn't want baby number 3 to have to sleep in a bunk with hand me downs, cavities and really bad manners, heaven knows what they would be when they grow up.

I have seen a lot of families with less than 3 kids fitting that list 1:1.

There are over 8 billion people in the world.

The world does not need more people.

What we need is redistribution of the existing global population, not more people.

Seriously goes too fast. My youngest still has fond memories of putting his raincoat on and gumboots ( Australia - dry country) when it rained and jumping in so many puddles. I know it's peppa pig but you meet the neighbours, and they learn to chat and you find feathers. You can do a scavenger hunt ( don't make them too hard!! ) I once spent an hour walking around looking for an orange door! No idea what I was thinking putting that on the list, decided in the end that a red door was close enough. 😁

Now that they are adults ( well 3 out of 4) it is so nice to have someone who gets you, loves you and supports you no matter what. Family Christmas is sooo much fun ( don't play the drinking version of Finska in the sun starting at 10am though - BIG mistake). They have a song they sing ( well more a chant). "It's Christmas time " and they jump up and down. Sorry hard to explain..
Just one of the very , very , very many reasons I am so glad I had all 4 of mine. They are also are all different. Makes for some interesting conversations.
Sorry to blab on.
Enjoy your toddler. And don't stress! With my 4th my DH slept on a mattress on the floor next to his cot / toddler bed until DC was 5yo. Neither of us cared. DC is 12 now and has for years been happily taking himelf to bed and then getting himself up and dressed for school at 6.30 ( we live regionally). Nothing lasts forever.People seem to have a lot of angst. Sorry I don't mean to be patronising. Just my experience. x

There appears to be some pretty fecund people on this thread...

I grew up in a large house with 3 siblings. Could have had my own room for entire childhood but I chose to share for the majority of it.

They do need their own rooms.

i really struggled sharing a bedroom as a child.

its not possible to cater for every child’s need if you have more than 2.

Lots of people can’t care for their 1 child though. I don’t think an extra child makes you go from caring, responsible parents to neglect. And why do you need to cater for every child’s need?

I have two