Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

Long time lurker here, but first post.
Something about this question made me want to reply.

Personally my first baby died a few days after birth and I had this incredible biological urge to be a mother. I went on to have 2 more children, but the thought of one of them dying was sometimes on my mind. I felt incredibly fortunate to be able to have my children; but I suppose by having another child a part of me thought I'd still have 2 (living) if anything happened to one of them?!.

I also wanted a family that I didn't have growing up.

I love my children dearly, however I was somewhat naiive about how challenging 3 children could be. Especially as a perimenopausal working mother who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. One of my children almost certainly also has ADHD (awaiting assessment - another story) and another with possible dyslexia/ dyscalculia.

Yes financially it's a bit more difficult but finances aren't the biggest issue we have as a family, the neuro divergence in our household is!

Biological instinct. Man and woman have sex, children gets created

Well no one needs kids, most have them because they think they should and most chuck them in nursery as soon as they can ... people have kids all the time in less than ideal situations

Just because you aren't capable of doing all that and providing all that, doesn't mean others aren't.

This is true sadly.

I have a family member who couldn’t afford the first one (had to get another relative to buy them a £40 cot otherwise the baby wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep) yet they’ve had 3, in a 2 bedroom council house. Presumably because having babies is one of the few excitements or achievements that they have in life. If you’re never going to be going to university, getting promoted, buying a house, travelling etc then a baby can provide you with a fair bit of entertainment/ attention.

I have four. Because I wanted them. I didn’t need them, but I didn’t need the first. My life would be infinitely poorer without them. Nobody needs any kids at all, if you mean ‘need’ as in ‘will die without’.

Why after two? Who decided that two children is the acceptable number after which these decisions should be made?

@TheSpoonyNavyReader

It unlikely all large families claim benefits as in UC.

But accessing schools, dentist, hospital, libraries and other public services. The majority do.

So who is looking after the kids? I have 2, a career, worked part-time while they were in primary school. They went to a a creche before school. No family to help us and it's been tough. We do like to live a full life and ensure both children are exposed to lots of opportunities and equal upbringing.

I do know a lot of people rely on parents/in laws when they decide to have more children. Even if I had this opportunity I would not have had considered it.

I didn’t even know there was a 2 child benefit cap until labour got in and it was mentioned on the news.

Years ago it was definitely “a thing” where if folk had 3+ children people would say they’d had them for the benefit money. Was the money so much that it would have been worth having more children for, especially as it decreases with each child? I think if it has stopped people having DC to claim the money it’s a good idea.

I’ve noticed child benefit going up a lot and really fast this past year but only the past year.

If it had gone up this much when DC were little it would have made a huge difference to us as we really struggled financially. I used to donate a couple of pounds to school to take unclaimed clothes out of lost property at the end of each year.

What do you define as a great job?

I'm a teacher. I love being a teacher. I was a teacher before I had children, or had decided how many I wanted. I'm good at my job. Is that not a good job by your standards?

I am part time. That's a choice I made because I think it's in the best interests of my 4 DC. I work 0.8 compressed into 3 days.

My mum was a SAHM. She was and is amazing. Please don't say that people have more than 2 children because something else is lacking in their life. It's not accurate. I have 4 children because I love children and I love spending time with family.

Your attitude also implies that "live to work" is the only way to be. Why shouldn't someone derive pleasure and meaning from other things? Hobbies, volunteering in the community, family....

Why do people need kids at all? 😁
It seemed as bizarre to me at 13 as it does at 45.
I couldn't cope if it wasn't for my child free life.

I’m sorry if you had a bad experience growing up, I have 3 children and can assure you it can more than easily be done, I’d get what you are saying if someone had 6 or more and no help though.

A woman with 5 children was interviewed she was struggling financially - but there is never, in these conversations a question about the father/s - if the interviewer would just say ‘ and how much does the father contribute’ - it’s just ok now for the fathers not to be part of the conversation -but surely for the DCs well being who their father is matters, ignoring the extra cost to the tax payer.

When we had our DC, we weren’t big earners, so we stopped at two. My friend, who was a doctor, married to a doctor, had four. Their income was much higher and more reliable than ours.

There were no top up benefits years ago, it was a case of we lived on what we earned. As @Strawberrycheesecake7 says, larger families are fine for those who can afford to support them, even more so now with the dearth of social housing.

Nobody needs kids - it’s a lifestyle choice.🤷‍♀️

Why does it matter how.many kids someone has? Unless of course they can't look after them properly.

You’ve certainly taken on a lot

*Were

Hehe.
I'll let my 3 adult children ( lawyer, self-employed and economist) and their younger sibling at a selective high school know about that.
They also have fabulous teeth and won't leave the house without showering of a morning.
What else was on your list?
2 have done speech therapy when young
Always new shoes, some hand me down clothes ( didn't know this was terrible)
Super respectful or I don't think they would have the jobs they have.

You seem a bit silly . Where you one of many?

I think for some people new relationship = new baby. Regardless of how many they already have. Like it’s not a proper relationship otherwise.

I only have 1, but I celebrate the diversity of experiences that comes from a society that allows different sized families.

A thread on a message board for women, berating women and spouting misconceptions and trying to exert control over how a woman exercises the most beautiful, vital, unique and powerful thing that she is capable of..... Just..... ick...

😆