To be a bit pissed off with my 18 year old?

This!

End of!

I agree with you, JMSA. It may be her room, but it is in your house. Plus, food crumbs/debris left sitting around attracts bugs such as ants and roaches. Not to mention mice and rats. Those critters don’t care if the crumbs are in her room, they will decide they need to explore the rest of the house to see what else is available.

Your house, your rules.

I wouldn't be bringing up trays of drinks and snacks for a group of teens on the piss. They'll just treat you like a waitress!
Teens should bring their own drinks, and then if they want to sleep in a messy room when drunk that's on them. Of course if once they'd gone your daughter hadn't tidied then give her a stern reminder. Once she's slept off her hangover!

My advice would be to have a word with your 18yr old daughter and say that while you've put up with the way she and her friends treat your home when they are getting ready, that you're really disappointed when you went in to collect glasses/plates/whatever to see the state of the room.
Going forwards, if she is having guests over, she treats the room and your belongings with respect. Otherwise, when she moves out, you'll not let her know when you visit her in her place, and you'll treat her place as she treats yours. Bring sugar puffs and extra sticky sweets when you do visit! 😂
In all fairness, she shouldn't be leaving rooms in a state and her friends are probably only following her lead.

It is disrespectful op she is 18 not 8 and should have had a quick tidy up before she went out.
Yanbu

@mumedu

always the Mother’s fault eh? It wasn’t OP that made the mess!

they are 18, adults, legally old enough to drink.

She's old enough to drink
She's old enough to go out
She's old enough to tidy her room

Well the room is in the OPs house so she can very much do what she likes.

Keep out of her room, she's an adult! And you can't "ban sleepovers", because again, she's an adult and this is her home.

I have similar aged young adults, and I wouldn't dream of disrespecting their privacy by wandering in and out of their private rooms as I pleased.

I’m 30 and I leave my bedroom in a right state when I go on an evening out. Last minute outfit decisions, clothes strewn everywhere, hair products, drinks glasses, shoes, bags etc.
As long as it gets cleaned up eventually. And nothing mouldy. That would be my limit.

No dea why you mention not having your weekend off. They are 18 you didn't have do do anything for them. If they wanted drinks and snacks they could have got them. You could of just left it there. You cleared up because you wanted to so no point in moaning about it after.

I would have just left it for them to sort.

Irritating as hell, and yes, when she was 10 my 18 year old wouldn't have done it, but I swear they revert to toddlerdom in terms of thoughtfulness and obstreperousness!

I bite my tongue and look forward to the day she has her kids. . .

YABU. I'd have left it and if the girls didn't clean it before they left, I'd be making my daughter stay behind while they went home. If she refused, THEN I'd be as upset as you are now and there would be consequences like not having people over again.

But it’s not reasonable to be mad preemptively when you've taken away the opportunity for them to clean up after themselves. My mum did this all the time and it just breeds resentment as you've not given them a chance to prove you wrong.

Totally agree
At 10 or under my kids new to clean up after theirselves
Leaving sticky stuff on the floor can get walked round the house
At 18 it's just lazy and disrespectful
Are these the people who grow up and leave unwashed coffee cups in the works kitchen?
Who do they think will wash them?

I think you can have a calm word with her to ask that they do a quick tidy before they leave.
Doesn't have to be a big deal.

It's her room!

No need for you to a) go in there, b) tidy it up or c) be pissed off about it

And of course they're not going to tidy it up before they go out 😆 that's part of the fun of a night out, trying to find your way into bed past all the shoes and clothes and makeup you discarded before you left 😄

I'd have left the mess but woken her a bit earlier so she could clean up.

Her room, her mess. No way would I be tidying an 18 year old’s bedroom for them and if my mum had done it I’d have seen it as an intrusion.

They’d have had to clean it up if they couldn’t get into bed.

I am well known in my family for my obsessively clean tendencies but even I would let this go tbh.
A group of excited teenagers going for a night out are not worrying about a few snack wrappers and drinks.
I don't think it's disrespectful, probably a bit thoughtless at the absolute worst.
I would just have shut the door and left them to it.

OP’s DD + friends were in her own bedroom, no mess in communal areas so your comment is irrelevant. At 18 her room is her private space - OP has no business to be needlessly tidying it, never mind getting annoyed over this.

My bedroom was always a mess when I was 18, it's normal.

Is this for real?

I wouldn’t care in the least. It wouldn’t even register on my radar. She’s 18. Leave her alone.

My DD’s room was always a tip after her friends had been round at any age. Especially sleepovers. Sweets everywhere. It’s no big deal.

Laughing at the thought of my 18yo preloading, whilst getting ready to go out and then stopping to tidy up before she actually leaves the house.
Let her have a good evening, she’ll tidy tomorrow, or not.. it’s her room.