To ask DH to not walk round the house with headphones in...

It’s a tricky one. I have executive function issues and really struggle with basic housework. The only way I can manage it is to listen to something, it’s been a brilliantly easy fix for me. However I wear big over ear headphones so people know I am listening to something, and also only do it when I’m doing housework, and I explain to my kids that I’m going to take some time to focus on a job then will be taking the headphones off. I don’t think it would be ok if I wore them all the time. I also make sure I only have them over one ear if my kids are about. I’m female by the way. Also I look forward to listening to podcasts about topics I wouldn’t want my kids listening to, and my eldest struggles with sleep so I get such little time to myself it’s a bit of me time in the middle of the day. If I sit on the sofa to read or watch tv my four year old climbs all over me so it’s kind of a survival mechanism at the moment!

I get this entirely. It's not the listening to podcasts whilst working ir doing a task it's having them in all the time, it's so irritating not being able to make a single comment without having to signal and wait a beat for it to be turned off.

Whilst on your phone you can hear the start of a comment and instantly switch your attention without asking him to repeat.

But with small dc it's not on anyway, you need to be able to hear them and interact.

Can you agree to take turns listening to podcasts and he'll realise how irritating it is?

I listen to talking books when I'm walking the dog and feel rude when I realise I'm missing the greetings from other walkers.

So the consensus appears to be it's ok for women but not for men.

What about bone conductor headphones. Runners/ sports people use them so they can hear the music/ info as well as surrounding noise for safety.

If he had some of those he could both listen to his stuff, and hear if you started a conversation/ be less cut off.

It would drive me crazy too, and when I listen to an audiobook on headphones my kids hate it as it totally disconnects me from them

I'd love to know what a good solution is. Maybe I should ask DH to tell me every time he's listening to something so I know not to bother him.

He also wears the bone conduction headphones, so it doesn't block out all sounds and he can hear us, but it's the way he has to stop it on his phone and I have to start over, that makes me feel a bit unloved.

We also have a SEN child with language delays, and I don't think it's good for him either.

What happens when you are sitting on sofa. If he's got headphones on? Is TV on? Are you just looking at phone?

I was on the fence as I love to have a podcast on whilst I cook especially because the noise cancelling reduced the cooker hood sound - but putting them both back in after dinner out. Sounds like escape for him. What exactly is he listening to?

Not to victim blame but wondering perhaps do you talk a lot and he finds it too much?

Were you on your phone?

I have the exact same issue. The problem with headphones is there's no visual cue that you're busy and not listening the way there is with a book. I often don't realise, start to chat, he stops his podcast or whatever and asks me to repeat, moment is lost. And the headphones go back on. Repeat. Or I stop bothering.

If he goes to another room to listen then it's fine. But sometimes we'll be chatting and I think we've just taken a pause, and turn back to find he's turned on his headphones. It's really upsetting.

It depends. If he is completely zoned out and not able to hear/respond to kids or you then that's not ok.

However, like several PPs, both DH and I love listening to podcasts while getting on with other household tasks to break the monotony. The solution we have is to only wear one AirPod. That way you aren't totally switched off to the world around you (and it's safer if loosely supervising kids).

My husband goes mad when I read a book because I'm completely immersed in the story and don't hear a word he's saying. He says I'm deliberately ignoring him which I'm not.

Would drive me nuts...

He's disengaging from family life.

It’s not the same as looking at a phone. You can look at a phone and still chat, headphones shut the world out. It’s rude to be so self absorbed you shut your family out.

I love having my headphones in when cleaning and cooking it reduces the drudgery. Yes it does sometimes bother DH and I say come and help with the housework and chat to me then. He does not linger and I get to enjoy my podcasts.

@Yourethebeerthief
Do you have young children?

My dh used to/[still does sometimes] this, any time we travelled long distance somewhere

Don't see the problem and if my husband told me not to do this I would be very unhappy.

I love to listen to podcasts and do so a lot but rarely with headphones in while around the house. I will put it on phone when in the kitchen but turn it off when someone comes in in case they want to talk. I wouldn’t mind it every now and then e.g. if I’m clearly busy with something else, but all the time is just rude.

DH watches stuff on his phone the noise drives me mad sometimes. I listen to stuff when cleaning but put one ear bud in so that I'm aware of him talking but don't disturb him.

See I disagree I am your DH I’ll have my headphones in listening to a podcast whilst I potter around on the weekends, do the washing cooking ect.

I enjoy listening and I can’t see the problem it’s no different to watching TV reading a book or doing something else for leisure time.
i can hear when someone is trying to talk to me and just pause the podcast exactly as I would look up from a book or pause the tv.

Exactly that. My exH was the same but his thing was watching sport which appeared to make him deaf. Literally every available second and I picked up all the house or children related things. We are divorced now. Thank goodness. It's a miserable way to live.

God my DH does this and it drives me mad. We have 3 young kids but his headphones means I'm the only one who can hear them and therefore get the snacks, blankets, change the channel or whatever. It's like he's withdrawing from life into his own bubble, instead of engaging in the boring shit of family life. He can do that, safe in the knowledge I'll pick it up.