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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to remove MIL from Facebook?

32 replies

Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 20:42

MIL added me to FB years ago. Like many older people, she uses it a lot to post pictures etc and I use it very occasionally for personal reasons but follow local groups etc, which I find really useful. Hence, why I don’t want to take myself off.

Anyway, increasingly, MIL shares awful, racist posts. Often shares Britain First memes etc…it’s horrendous.

Partner is not like this at all. Years ago we had a big sort of discussion/argument with her at Christmas where he said that demonstrated how he would never change her mind.

Anyway, fast forward to now and I’m
getting so angry with some of the things I see. I tried to ‘hide’ her so I wouldn’t see her posts but it hasn’t seemed to work. I said to other half that I was going to remove her and send her a message along the lines of ‘sorry I’m going to have to remove you but I find many of your posts very upsetting but no hard feelings’. To be clear, if this was anyone else I would have done this ages ago!

AIBU to do this? Do I have to put up with the awful racist behaviour so as not cause any issues? I just feel like if you see this you should call it out, but equally do understand his unease.

Help!!!

OP posts:
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Original poster
Hidingplace · 27/07/2024 09:11

Thanks to everyone who bothered to comment. The range of replies mirrors what’s been in my head - terrible racist, remove her to silence her and don’t cause drama.
As explained, I had unfollowed her and some posts have recently slipped through, and another person said this had happened to them.
I’ve reported a few of her posts so that was really useful to know.

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RivkaTheBold · 27/07/2024 07:09

Just mute her. It's nothing to do with what phone you have. Facebook is the same for everyone. Unfollow her and you'll not see it.

It's not a big deal.

Kitkatcatflap · 27/07/2024 06:37

Why say anything? It's social media not a business contract. You have lots of options. Just mute or hide. That way they stay on your friends list but you don't see there posts. There is no flouncing out or drama. Your conscience is clear, you have pulled her up on comments in person. You are not breaking up with her, stop over thinking, you don't have to make Sunday awkward.

My DH muted me on Facebook because. I was liking too many standard poodle photos and he got a notification every time I clicked. It took me months to notice. I had posted a rare photograph of something and asked if he had seen it.

TorroFerney · 27/07/2024 06:27

I don’t see the need for all the drama/sleeping on it/sending her a message. It’s Facebook, you aren’t going no contact. Just remove her.

Lurkingandlearning · 27/07/2024 06:26

I don’t use Facebook so I may be wrong but….

I think if you are a friend of or otherwise linked to someone’s Facebook book account there are ways other users will see that you are linked. If that’s correct I would want to do whatever was necessary to stop being linked to a racist, even if that meant she wasn’t happy about it.

I realise many FB users will know she is your MIL and that you are linked in that way, but sharing that link online feels different to me,

Narwhal23456 · 27/07/2024 06:07

I'm going through similar with my family. Working in gojng extremely low contact in life.

Werweisswohin · 27/07/2024 05:52

I'd have no qualms about deleting anyone from my FB who posts racism or anything similarly bad, or the nosey lurkers for that matter. 😬

Pugworld · 27/07/2024 05:02

I also have a MIL who does this.

Memes saying stuff like 'we need to look after these' (pic of homeless person) 'before these' (pic of some people on a boat). Endless crap about the good old days and how kids today don't know how hard it was in her day. How neuro-divergent kids have nothing wrong with them and just need a good telling off.

She's as thick as shit. No amount of explaining will change her. We unfollowed to save the earache.

StaunchMomma · 26/07/2024 23:43

I'd be tempted to tell her on Sunday that as you have friends of different ethnicities on Facebook, you are going to have to unfriend her as they are seeing her comments and it's causing offence.

Original poster
Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 22:52

@Cheeseismyfavourite nice to know someone else is going through the same. I would like to say that’s unbelievable of your MIL but I can imagine! If any racist comments are made in front of me I always say something…am met with stupidity in return tbh. We once got into the heated disagreement whereby my partner and myself showed up each of her beliefs and since then she clearly avoids saying stuff in front of us but sometimes it slips through. And like you I thought i’d unfollowed her or something but the last few weeks I’m being shown stuff.
@BlueBlahBlah Her comments are awful…one came through that wasn’t her sharing something and was her own comments. I didn’t realise you can report stuff to FB, although I have heard of it now I think about it. I realise I’m making myself look very novice when it comes to social media but this is actually a great suggestion! Thanks!
@LindorDoubleChoc I see very little of her. I know though; I would never associate with someone like this out of choice normally but it’s not really out of choice!

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Cheeseismyfavourite · 26/07/2024 22:39

I could have written this exact same post. My MIL is the same posting racist memes about immigrants most of the stuff she posts is factually incorrect and the best part is my FIL is a bloody Indian Immigrant!! My husband is 1/2 Indian and my children 1/4 Indian. All FILs Indian immigrant family are on her Facebook too!

I find it sooo hard as anyone else I would call them out on it. To be fair if it was to my face I would but by some miracle the topic has not come up. I’ve blocked her but somehow every now and then they seem to get through and I get wound up. I don’t know what the answer is but I know how you feel

T1Dmama · 26/07/2024 22:37

crystalflex · 26/07/2024 21:01

Just block her. I blocked my in-laws after a horrible post saying that teenagers these days are snowflakes blah blah blah. I'd of ignored it but i was at the time separated from my teen dd who had tried to take her own life the week before and was in a psychiatric hospital

Wow that’s so insensitive of her!!
hope your daughter is ok now.
did you get any backlash for blocking her?

BlueBlahBlah · 26/07/2024 22:34

Are the posts bad enough that you can report them to Facebook as racist and have them removed? Maybe she’ll either take the hint that they’re not appropriate or get a ban until she stops posting.

Original poster
Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 22:28

Thanks everyone who replied. Food for thought. Im going to sleep on it and decide what to do. She’s visiting on Sunday so need to make a decision by then X

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LindorDoubleChoc · 26/07/2024 22:20

Personally I'd be ceasing all contact with her, not just on FB.

DuncanMeBiscuit · 26/07/2024 22:08

Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 20:58

Thank you. Just to be clear, I was going to send her a very kind message if I deleted her…I’m certainly not looking for any kind of fight. I hate conflict and arguing with family members is definitely not something I want to do.

Sending any kind of message is causing drama.

Just unfriend her and if she even notices (doubtful if you hardly ever post on there), just say you don't know what's happened but you've stopped using FB anyway.

PToosher · 26/07/2024 22:08

I have made several of my in-laws 'acquaintances' on Facebook and unfollowed them. MIL mainly for picking arguments with my friends in the comments of anything I post.
Now anything I put on Facebook goes to 'Friends except acquaintances'.

pikkumyy77 · 26/07/2024 21:57

Send her a note to let her know that someone has hacked her SM and is posting embarrassingly stupid stuff that makes people think she has gone nuts?

Just kidding. Just block or unfriend her. I don’t have FB so I don’t know the lingo but I would not bother saving the delicate feelings of an avowed racist.

ButtSurgery · 26/07/2024 21:57

Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 20:58

Thank you. Just to be clear, I was going to send her a very kind message if I deleted her…I’m certainly not looking for any kind of fight. I hate conflict and arguing with family members is definitely not something I want to do.

There is no such thing as a kind message in this situation. It'll be the nuclear option.

Solocup · 26/07/2024 21:54

I’d delete but not mention it unless she does. Would be easier to say face to face, and exactly that, that her posts upset you

Original poster
Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 21:22

When people say block do you mean remove as a friend? I’m not that savvy when it comes to social media but my understanding was blocking was when someone was trying to contact you whereas removing someone as a friend just takes them away…

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/07/2024 21:14

I would block her and tell her I couldn’t bare to see her hateful posts any longer.

Redshoeblueshoe · 26/07/2024 21:14

I put YABU - because I don't understand why you don't just block her.

Original poster
Hidingplace · 26/07/2024 21:10

I’m so sorry to hear that, what an awful thing to experience; I hate that bloody word. Sounds like you did the right thing X

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crystalflex · 26/07/2024 21:01

Just block her. I blocked my in-laws after a horrible post saying that teenagers these days are snowflakes blah blah blah. I'd of ignored it but i was at the time separated from my teen dd who had tried to take her own life the week before and was in a psychiatric hospital