To be so indecisive about birth?

Doesn't everyone though? Noone chooses intervention for fun, it's for the safety of the baby and/or mother.

I was induced with my first and it was a good experience, I largely put that down to insisting on the epidural ASAP.

I had twins this time around, they are 3 months now and I had an elective c-section. Had no desire to try and birth two babies vaginally. Another good experience.

While I agree that educating yourself may lead to a more positive birth experience, it still doesn’t eliminate the multiple factors which are out of your control. As mumsnet likes to remind us, “women have been giving birth since the beginning of time”. Some of them would have had easy births, some not and some would have had significant morbidity. All of these women would have been uneducated by today’s standards. I don’t think we can pretend that educating yourself absolves risks (but I do agree it’s sensible to educate yourself). It literally comes down to is your pelvis and vagina going to allow a baby to come out in timely and safe fashion, and no one know the outcome of that until you’re in the moment.

One of my biggest fears about labour was hanging around the house for hours in pain but not wanting to go to the hospital in case they sent me away.

They offered me an induction the day after my due date and I jumped at the chance (I didn’t know anything about the horror stories at this point). They originally planned a pessary, but I was already further along than they thought so they went straight to breaking my water. My epidural didn’t work, but my labour lasted 7 hours from breaking water to the birth, so felt pretty quick, especially since my SIL had been induced in the same hospital for 4 days a few months prior.

I didn’t find labour too bad overall, and would much prefer to go through it again rather than the first trimester. I really struggled with that.

I'm really interested in those who think you can influence things. In what way? As I said in pp I had a very long but really happy and incident-free birth, apart from keeping fit I didn't prepare at all. What could or should I have done? I'm 12 weeks now so maybe I can do better with the second one.

I don't know. I was honestly a bit jealous of SIL she just recovered so quicky. I know it's not necessarily the same for everyone. I personally really wanted a water birth but every appointment I had my risk level went up and options went down.

I have 2 children. First was spontaneous vaginal delivery at 38 +1 and active labour of 3 hours and 30 minutes of pushing. No drugs, no stitches or tears .

My 2nd (3 months ago) again spontaneous but at 39 +1 active labour of 5 hours (I got to hospital at 4cm this time but was 8cm the first time so probably was similar in truth) and 15 minutes of pushing. Again, no drugs or stitches or tears.

Both times I've had a high bmi. This time I also had GD but yet my baby and body still managed to play ball.

I was out and about within 3 days both times, my friends who have had c sections have had a very slow recover in comparison - something to consider.

This! I do genuinely believe there is a lot you can do, to increase your chance of a normal/straight forward birth. Although possibly too late for you now OP as I think it starts wy back even before you're pregnant

I had a planned c-section (breech) and loved it BUT it was a factor in my secondary infertility as I had fluid gather where my c-section was and also scar tissue that acted like a natural coil (although that one possibly wasn't from the c-section, but was the main fertility issue). It look us 6 1/2 years ttc, loads of money, heartache, unnecessary ivf and surgeries to fix it. I had another planned section for my second child (for a few medical reasons) and although it was straightforward enough I ended up having to go home with a catheter still in for 5 days as I couldn't wee after it was initially taken out. The actual procedures and being handed the baby was magical both times. Recovery wasn't too bad for me.

I'm all for maternal choice and I guess I wouldn't have done anything differently as I wouldn't have a natural breech birth personally.

I was induced at 38 weeks because baby was “big”. She was 8lbs in the end. Went in Friday ended up with elective c section on the Monday as I was tired and fed up and nothing was happening and I’d set myself my own personal limit before hand in order to protect my mental health.

C section was my worst case scenario as I hate medical stuff but honestly I’d opt for a section next time in a heart beat. The actual c section part was amazing!!!

My SIL just had a baby and he’s got issues because he was stuck in the birth canal too long - seen a picture and he had a crazy alien head which has gone down now but he’ll need an operation to correct. She ended up having a c section after 48 hours of baby being stuck.

Obviously doesn’t happen to everyone but it’s close enough to home for me that I’d have a c section next time to avoid this risk to baby. I can’t imagine how worried my SIL is.

I also had terrible post partum care they actually forgot to discharge me and I stayed in longer than I should’ve. Could go into more detail about this but it’ll be an essay. I get it the nhs is underfunded but I felt so neglected and ill informed. Although I think a lot of it could’ve been solved by having the same medical professionals dealing with me rather than a different one every day. I was in 6 days in total and not once did I have the same midwife or doctor.

Hi OP. Your feelings echo mine exactly. I’m due my first soon. I personally don’t think it’s necessarily down to the unit itself. I really think it’s luck how it turns out for you, because many women used to die in childhood. It’s clearly a flawed method for humans so intervention is often required.

My experience of midwives so far has been varied and I’m quite terrified of putting mine and the baby’s life in their hands. Equally, I know they’re the experts so I need to relinquish some control. I’m also medical so my obstetric and anaesthetic friends tell me horror stories which I know are the minority but still, it’s hard to ignore.

I think my plan is to ask for an ELCS sometime around the 40 week mark ?maybe just after. If my baby comes naturally and I have a good birth then great. But you’re right, statistically, the odds do not stack up for this.

Totally valid to think these things through. I would say though that unfortunately even with a planned maternal request c-section (which you are very much allowed to ask for) you may not quite have the control you are seeking. You are likely to be bottom of the list and bumped for emergencies, possibly psyching yourself up a few times. And may go into labour. It’s not a reason not to do it, and it’s frustrating that this is the situation but worth acknowledging.

Everyone wants to avoid interventions - no one WANTS these interventions.

The reality is that once you are in Labour you have very little control over the outcome, and you are trusting the medical staff to make the best decisions for the survival of you and your baby.

Going into labour thinking ‘I’m not going to have any interventions’ IMO leads many women to feel like they’ve failed / be unable to understand what’s happening to them etc.

Instrumental births were barely mentioned during my NCT - a third of first time mums have one. It’s a likely outcome and you need to be prepared for it!

The 40% isn't the 'good vaginal birth' rate, it's the 'straightforward' vaginal births. Straightforward just meaning no ventose/forceps/induction. People have 4th degree tears, surgical repair and long term consequences, and it still counts as part of the 'straightforward' vaginal birth statistics.

The tearing/cut rate for first time vaginal births is 90%, though not all will require stitching, and some will be relatively minor.

For me it was like rolling a dice. I figured an absolutely horrific birth would be a 6, no tearing actually straightforward birth is a 1, with everything in between. Do I want to roll the dice or go with a guaranteed 3.

I chose the 'guaranteed 3' and personally was amazed how great my ELCS's were. I was assuming they'd be painful as I'm a wuss with pain, but I've honestly had worse periods. Equally, some people do find them harder to recover from, so it turns out there are no guarantees anyway

I've had two inductions with different outcomes. First, after failed sweeps and pessaries the drip. They rammed me through it way too fast, then baby got stuck and it was a ventouse. I had an epidural because the pain was horrendous which made everything worse as I couldn't feel the contractions to push. My husband couldn't talk about it for months as he was so traumatised.

Second birth at a different hospital. Wonderful. I was afraid initially because I had to be induced again, but they took it so much more slowly that I slept through the first part of contractions. I didn't have the epidural and pushed him out and it was magical. Just needed a few stitches but that is normal. There were lots I felt misled about with my first birth - taking the drip so fast, and not telling me we could turn the epidural off to push.

I don't think I was particularly better at birthing the second time round. I think the care was much better, I was more relaxed and skipped the epidural.

@MidnightPatrol I didn’t say I’d refuse forceps so please don’t misquote me. I said I’d avoid any intervention as far as reasonably possible.

The problem is that you tend to only hear and remember the negative stories. I gave birth at a small hospital and only seemed to hear negative experiences beforehand, at one point i even wanted to give birth at the larger hospital but it was slightly too far. My birth was amazing and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

People will tell you horror stories about inductions but my SIL had 2 and had a positive experience both times.

Ultimately what will be will be and you only have a certain amount of control over how it will play out.

I was induced with my first and it took 36 hours and was really painful, and literally nothing happen for the first 24 hours no dilation, just pain. But the pushing part was really easy and I recovered really quickly. No forceps or cutting (can't remember the proper word sorry!) Baby was well too. And I didn't find it traumatic. I just wanted to say that because you've heard such bad experiences, it's not always like that. I'm hoping for no induction with baby 2 though.

My first birth was a straightforward spontaneous vaginal birth with an epidural and no instruments, it was pain-free with no tearing or stitches. Recovery was fairly immediate although there was obviously a change to my intimate areas.

Second and third births were elcs, no real pain as the epidural was effective and I used paracetamol afterwards. Recovery was slower, a few weeks, but I was lucky to have DH on paternity for several months so didn't affect my life too much and I was happy to be in a little bubble with my newborn. No ongoing issues with the scar or general health. Much more convenient to have it planned and it felt less intrusive, and I suspect my pelvic floor is in better shape than if I'd hadn't opted for elcs. Bonding has been fine with all dc and all have been breastfed for 3+ years and all have been very healthy with hardly any GP visits and have never needed to go to hospital.

I don’t think it’s realistic to say ‘I’d refuse forceps’.

I can assure you that they aren’t the top of any woman’s birth plan. But at the point they’re used it’s usually too late for a c section.

There was no choice for me - it was that or probable harm to the baby.

With my first baby I was induced, it took ages, baby was back to back and it ended in forceps and a large PPH. I found the episiotomy recovery really painful. Two weeks ago I had my second baby, I opted to try vaginal again thinking i’d have a better experience but I went quite overdue, caught an infection and had to have an emergency c section. If I could go back in time I would 100% have gone with the elective section, although scary at the time because mine was an emergency, the surgery itself was still such a calm experience and so far the recovery has been smoother than the first time and no issues with breastfeeding. I have friends who have had incredibly straightforward vaginal births though so while you should always be educated/advocate for yourself, I do think an element is down to luck unfortunately!

Planned C-section was amazing for me. The best decision I made, recovery wasn't anywhere near as difficult as people scare you with. I think it's much worse for those who go through labor first.

It was obviously a surgery but I didn't take anything more than regular pain meds and was up and walking after the spinal wore off and they let me - around 8 hours later I think.

It was much easier than vaginal tearing or any of those complications. Look into both and make the right decision for yourself. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Hi OP, I would opt for a vaginal birth over a c section BUT only if I went into spontaneous labour. I would never be induced after hearing so many awful stories about induction from friends and family. Similarly I’d avoid any intervention during childbirth (forceps etc) as far as reasonably possible and would opt for a c section in those scenarios too if it was an option